Friday, April 04, 2008

Marauding Medieval Mamas

I enjoy my readers.

Don't say it often enough but I do. After all, folks who post their deepest thoughts online always have that streak of sheer exhibitionism - no matter how deeply buried beneath crusty layers of staid conservatism. Otherwise bloggers like us would be keeping our thoughts in leather-bound diaries firmly under lock and key ( like I used to! ) rather than post out loud and proud in the vast, open wilderness of the internet!

I assume the majority of blog readers are guys kinda like myself who enjoy whiling away a ten minutes a day going through the harrowing events of someone else's life. Walk a mile in a stranger's shoes so to speak - to live vicariously through their experiences, hopefully learn a lesson or two, share a couple of laughs and maybe shed a tear. Nothing better to remind us that we're all human after all - and that our experiences aren't all that singular.

There's always someone out there who can empathize after all.

Well at least I thought I'd made a reasonable guess on who my regular readers were. Turns out I was wrong.

Found out this morning that Lissome Lorelei's Mama actually paid a surprise visit to my blog. Talk about court intrigues. Didn't even know that Lorelei has finally found my blog but now her mama knows as well? Telling me in a nonchalant, off-hand manner as she breezed past the pantry, Lorelei obviously didn't realize that I was this close to choking on my morning java.

Secrets
Good God.
Your mother knows about us?

Needless to say, I was horrified. Could have knocked me over with a feather, I swear! Took me five seconds hastily running through the varied contents of my blog to recall if I'd written anything vaguely defamatory about Lorelei. Apart from wondering briefly how we ever met, I don't think I ever maligned her ( unfortunately besmirched ) reputation which was quite a relief.

Since gosh, her mama reads this.

Not precisely embarassed of course - since a thick-skinned cad like me feels little shame about the things I say - but I guess you could say I was a tad unsettled. Seriously. A protective mama reading my wildly uncensored posts? What would she think?

My reputation. Iago, my reputation!

Ladies
My dear Lorelei, I must have a word with you!

No doubt Lorelei's Mama is astonished at the foul-mouthed, perverted company that her sheltered daughter keeps.

Mama : My word! Good gracious, my darling daughter, what sort of scurrilous knave is this Saint Wicked?
Lorelei : A friend from work.
Mama : Tsk tsk, sullying my sweet girl's tender ears with such unexpurgated filth. The scandalous shenanigans! The debauched perversions. This certainly won't do! You should take better care whom you consort with, my child.

Wouldn't be surprised if Lorelei's Mama files for a temporary restraining order to protect her daughter from my disreputable self. Perhaps I could disclaim all knowledge of the blog, plead innocence and offer a perfectly baffled face when Lorelei insists otherwise. :)

9 comments:

asm@di said...

honey, i highly doubt lorelei's mama would talk in such medieval language, hahaha.

i too worried about some people reading my blog, namely people from work. my blog is my sanctuary (albeit an open one)and to have them read it kinda make me feels less professional in front of them.

btw, here's a bit of public service announcement that i must make. please go here:

http://www.spca.org.my/horse.htm

and after that send an email to the relevant dept/organisation listed in that website to let them know the bad treatment the horses are receiving and to lobby for harsher penalty for people who are cruel to animals.

there, i'm off my soap box :D

me said...

The weird thing is, as much as I enjoy the attention, whenever I meet someone and they go, "Hey, I read your blog", my mind instantly scavenge through my memories trying to recall if I have said anything that might offend that person! Then again, I totally agree with you about loving the readers part.

lada-hitam said...

LOL I can imagine your feeling when she told you that.

I don't really care what people think after reading my blog. Well, I tried using some restraint when I was expressing my negative feelings towards something or someone, but after all, it's my life and my blog. You can read it or you can leave it ;)

Jaded_Jeremy said...

"Wouldn't be surprised if Lorelei's Mama files for a temporary restraining order to protect her daughter from my disreputable self."

Yup, neither would I ;-)

AJ said...

OMG!!

what a scary situation!! when my sis discovered that i hv a blog....cepat2 tukar the url although i think she knows i'm like this...could not imagine what will happened if my parents one day found n read my blog....huhu~

Janvier said...

Doth this means Victorian censorship hereafter?

Queer Ranter said...

Awwww. Me still love your posts. :)

When am I debuting in your blog?!

chase / chubz said...

hehe.
people close to us personally tend to be surprise after reading my/our blogs. hehehe

im a bit more free. hehe

savante said...

But wouldn't it be cute if she does speak that way, asmadi? :P

Same here, me!

Was astonished of course. Never expected to have mamas reading, lada hitam :)

TIme to get a lawyer then, jeremy :)

Nah, it's alright. Hope her mom is cool about it, aj.

Well not Victorian. Doubt I'll censor much, janvier. YOu know how I feel about censorship.

You gotta do something wildly scandalous, queer rant. How about we share some tongue?

True enough. We're never quite as our blogs suggest, chase.

Paul