Sunday, April 06, 2008

The Taming of the Shrew

A spine.

We all need one. The spine is designed to give us stability, smooth movement as well as providing a corridor of protection for the delicate spinal cord.

Most importantly though, we need a spine to keep from bending over backwards for those who'd take unfair advantage otherwise. Sometimes even by those we care about.

Case in point, Bootlicking Bob. Or should I say, Mr Hurricane Hallie - the henpecked husband - as we call him these days. Bet we know by now who's gonna wear the pants in the family so to speak.

To summarize, our mild-mannered Bob has been accused of hanky panky with our presumed temptress, Lissome Lorelei just weeks short of his engagement to Hallie. Despite protesting her innocence and categorically denying the adulterous charges laid on her, Lorelei has gotten an earful of vitriol from the bridezilla Hallie instead.

Deny her and I shall be yours...

Hell certainly hath no fury as Hurricane Hallie scorned.

We have all imagined that poor Bob has been an unfortunate victim of circumstance. Till today when we received word that he has known all along about Hallie's near-hysterical diatribe.

Rather than defend himself vociferously as the wronged spouse, our Bootlicking Bob capitulated instead to Hallie's highly irrational demands - one of which was obviously to start avoiding Lorelei's irresistible company. In fact, he has made it so painfully obvious that he's making a sincere effort to avoid being within a ten mile radius of her siren call that the entire workplace has come to notice!

Therefore inadvertently painting our poor Lorelei as the scarlet lady. And unlike me, Lorelei doesn't delight in being branded an adulterous whore. I wouldn't despair - I'd rush out to purchase the first scandalously red slinky dress just to dress the part of the coquette.

After all, avoiding her certainly doesn't help make him look innocent, does it? Hell, Bob might as well wear a scarlet letter on his chest. Being such a freakishly possessive madame, I am sure Hallie will soon demand that Bob be shrouded in a purdah and kept cloistered in a harem to keep him away from the clutches of other preying women. What next? A chastity belt?

I'd have had a different reaction to such an accusation of course.

Hallie : Never deny the truth, sirrah! On my sainted mother's grave, I swear I saw you carousing in the company of that brass-faced slattern!
Paul : And you immediately leap to such an unflattering conclusion. With such a serious lack of trust, I find myself growing extremely weary of your tiresome company.
Hallie : Then you don't deny the adulterous charge!
Paul : See no reason why I should. Would you believe me if I did? Now, be off with you before I send for the executioner.

Unfortunately Bob shows a serious lack of spine.

And all this tempestuous excitement from a couple soon to be joined in holy matrimony. A toast to them. Such patent distrust and petty jealousies certainly bodes well for the longevity of their association.


Ben said...

Although it's the most exciting emotion/feeling but I think love makes men weak.

sbanboy said...

You should have answered the phone :)

Annie said...

If Bob was a real man, he'd defend Loralei's honor and denounce any affair. Poor girl. I always believe in karma - Bob will get his if he doesn't speak up.

It must be difficult to work around this kind of hostile environment. Somebody needs to clear the air - like a banner across the office.

mstpbound said...

oh my god don't let them get married!! :( :( it just sounds like a divorce waiting to happen :/

AJ said...

a tragedy-in-the-making.....what more can i say *sigh~

Legolas said...

Let them marry and let them divorce, then hopefully someone will learn.

William said...


chase / chubz said...

serious lack of spine?
hmm. why do i keep picturing mtv celebrity deathmatch spine removing special move.. hehehe

daohui said...

The guy is weak at heart. What a shame.

Perky said...

I guess the words "the truth shall prevail" doesn't apply in this situation since no one is bothered to clear the air huh?

savante said...

I don't think all's well. So I doubt it will end well.