Weekend Bounty

I think mosquitoes should be eradicated.

Pretty sure some overzealous bleedin' heart environmentalist would dredge up some teary reason why we should save those wily sneaky bloodsuckers but for me, I think we should gas the entire miserable lot. Smack them dead, I say. It might potentially destabilize the entire fragile ecosystem leading towards the apocalypse as we know it but I think i could live with those dire consequences.

As long as there aren't any mosquitoes.

Let's face it, my ISO and I aren't nature lovers per se. The only attraction nature might hold for either of us would be if mother nature had seen fit to populate a particular secluded forested eden with naked nubile submissive males with rapacious bicurious sexual natures.


The natives are restless...
So it doesn't make sense that we both found ourselves miles away from civilization fending off bugs, sandflys and mosquitoes over a dinner of prawns and crabs. No we weren't shanghaied and held at gunpoint - though I was beginning to feel that I had been after being talked into the crazy scheme. All because my ISO ( who possibly had been drinking excessively the night before ) had an insane yen to go adventuring in the hinterlands for fresh seafood.

Of course I didn't know he meant catching it fresh and wriggling from the sea with our bare hands. And who'd have guessed that midway on our journey to the secluded swamps Charming Calvin rang only to have me screaming for my life as I'd almost driven into a ditch by the side of the endless deserted road.

Paul : If we're still miles away from your mysterious makan place, I'm gonna chuck you in that swamp ravine there.
My ISO : Like you could, little man. And you almost killed us back there.
Paul : I have a crowbar at the back of my car that would do the job.
My ISO : I'll wrestle you for it.
Paul : What gave you this crazy idea?
My ISO : A whim. It's a little off the beaten track. I read about it.
Paul : In Malaysian Pirates Digest?

Off the beaten track, he'd said. Well it was more like miles away from any possible path made by anyone, man or beast, in the entire history of mankind. Seriously it was as if we'd stumbled onto some secret pirate's cove. Complete with the pirates since the shady place seemed like the perfect hideaway for crooks, murderers and folks of similar ilk. Not to mention a perfect dumping ground for mutilated corpses.

Wasn't far wrong though since the patrons all looked a lil shady to say the least. Pirate's cove it was, though there were no dark-haired, perma-tanned Orlando Bloom's running about to my dismay. Instead we had swarthy tattooed heathens who downed slugs of rum ( well actually some locally made tuak ) while singing boisterous songs. Wouldn't surprise me to find the buccaneers getting soused enough to whip out ancient pistols to gun each other down in a bloody gangfight. Of course my ISO with his sadly limited imagination was simply oblivious to the fact that we were this close to being disemboweled by heartless hoodlums and continued happily munching on crabs.

Of course the food was alright. Though I wouldn't drive for miles just go there. But I wasn't paying so who was I to complain?

Though I have to admit the cute waiters helped. No Orlando Blooms but I certainly wasn't complaining. Somehow or rather in the midst of all these swampy slimy splendour, mother nature decided to repay our dedication by giving us some pretty dark-skinned natives to look at. Though I have a feeling most were illegally imported from Myanmar.