Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ain't Misbehavin

I have decided that I'll definitely be a monstrous father. One of those tough, no-nonsense disciplinarian dads who believes in speaking softly but carrying a big stick. Beware my wrath.

Made that fateful decision today as I watched gazillions of primary kids dashing, sailing and cart-wheeling through the halls, shrieking heedlessly at the tops of their voices while blithely tossing stuff at one another.

If it was a playground or a yard, I'd have been fine with it - and probably joined in with the pre-pubescent games. But this was a bookstore, the kids were playing hide and seek between the towering shelves while tossing slim hardcovers like frisbees. Even one particularly unruly enfant terrible who insisted on using the corridor between the shelves as a slide while screaming Geronimo. All under the hardly watchful eyes of their overly doting parents.

Wouldn't surprise me to find that bookstore owners probably look forward to school holidays with some sort of ... horrified anticipation. Just go take a look at the children's section of each major bookstore and watch the disastrous events unfold as schoolkids run amuck while some of the more indulgent parents watch without a care.

Not all the kids of course but there are a few hooligans out there.

Big Stick
Who has been a very very bad boy today?

Tell me exactly what's wrong with the parents I saw today? Am I overreacting? Is it me or have they totally lost control of their spoilt children? Were they just waiting to stop him only when he brought down the entire store in broken shambles? Or had they simply mistaken the bookstore for a daycare center? Took me an entire minute to suppress my impulse to reach out and throttle the overindulgent parents of lil Geronimo.

God help me, if it was my own kid misbehavin' like that, I'd have grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and marched him home immediately promising divine retribution. Certainly would have reimbursed the store for any damages done. I certainly wouldn't have just nodded carelessly at his reprehensible actions as his parents did.

Watching him for an entire five minutes as he mistook the center aisles for literary criticism for a roller derby, I hoped that lil Geronimo would subside of his own accord without adult intervention. Or that his parents would at least make some sort of valiant attempt.

When they failed to do so, I stopped him in his tracks with my evil eye.

Paul : SILENCE!

Thank heavens it still works. No doubt I could have used psychological warfare on the hooligan but I didn't have the time nor the patience. Under my devil glance, Lil Geronimo seemed to wilt under force majeure and skulked off silently to his unmindful parents. They got one of my patented red-eyed glares as well.

Of course if the kid had gone on misbehavin', I'd have given in to my baser instintcs, stealthily slid out my foot and tripped the bratty miscreant as he performed his somersaulting stunts. Hopefully sent him flying hopelessly into a tower of hardcovers - if not some monstrous death-trap planned by the maleficent Princess Allura.

See. I can be pretty monstrous myself.

Then again that's an innocent rugrat. It's not his fault. I'd rather trip the parents into that death-trap.

20 comments:

Melvin Mah said...

Blame it on the parents. I always believe we are outcomes of parental fabrications whether or not they know what they were doing. Tabula rasa...painted by their own parenting philosophy. That's why preschool education is really important* aha~

Anonymous said...

Iron maiden! Iron maiden! The boy needs to be tripped into the iron maiden!

-C said...

My real hope is to find that balance between doting and controlling. Nothing guts a relationship/friendship/anything faster than overly judicious parental control.

It's scary how little we know, really.

Sue said...

We'll just see what happens when you have your own child. (Let us hope that blessed day comes soon!) It is always easy to criticize other's children, but then spoil one's own. I for one, will just wait and see...

daniel henry said...

ADOPT ME! I'm already well potty trained! HAHA!

Ryan said...

At first glance of the title of your post, i thought it was my favourite jazzy Grade 8 solo piano exam piece. Same title.

But then read through your post, you were talking about how evil a father you could be. Seems like you always prefer to be the evil one. I am guessing you're too kind in real life that you want to experience to be the other side.

What am I talking?!

asm@di said...

ryan - i love that song!

as much as i love to agree with you because sometimes i do have the same urge to kick those lil brats myself, i have to say that i agree with sue.

it's easy to say things when you don't have a kid, but having one is really different.

that said, if i had a kid and s/he doesn't show respect for books (books as frisbee? big no-no!), i would definitely spank him/her. sometimes tough love just works.

That Girl said...

i cant wait to have kids so i can smack them when theyre pesky..

muahaha.

okokokok.. ill be nice.

Medie007 said...

i don't like kids.. there..i said it...

Annie said...

Before Kids, Annie-Mom here claimed proudly I would never spank my child.

Now with kids, YOU'd have to stop me from strangling them.

Fear. It's that loss of fear. The moment you instill fear in them, they suddenly realize their place in society - little ants that can easily be squashed.

Paul's evil eye! HA! Keep practicing that. Only the best adults were raised with tight-fisted parents. That's my theory.

Lifebook said...

I like children as long as they are not my kid. :)

Jonzz said...

A molten lava boulder down Lil Geronimo's slope would do just nicely.

Frankly, it's the parents. You can't expect a toddler or kid to appreciate other people's property if Mum and Dad just leaves them running wild. In most cases, I've noticed the parents to be equally bad, but they do it in stealth mode.

savante said...

I do blame the parents sometimes, m5lvin :P

You mean the parents, shane :) Don't abuse the poor kid la.

Will take years before we perfect the formula - if we ever do, c.

I'll spoil the kid like crazy for sure, sue but there'll be a line they know not to cross.

Seriously, daniel? Lemme think.. How old are you again? :P

You do know I love old jazz standards right, ryan and asmadi? :) And you're right. I'm not evil. I'm a sweet sweet guy :)

You might be getting one soon, grafxgurl!

Say that in paediatrics, ah bong :)

Will definitely practise my evil eye, anniiieieie...

GASP! The prevalent idea amongst gay men, lifebook.

I like the lava boulder idea, jonzz.

Zyklon22 said...

I've always believed that children should be banned from public places. Especially children of today who are all brats. Children and me don't mix well...

ruff nurse-du-jour said...

I might be a nurse (and a good nurse at that) but then, i detest/abhor/despise/abominate/can’t stand kids. Except for my nephews perhaps, where I can make an exception.

But in reality, parents who could not manage their freaking, noisy kids loitering in (not-for-kids) shops, restaurants, or museums, should be penalized by having their kid’s heads chopped off. Okay, that’s just mean.

You sure you’re not a pediatrician doc paul?

Ryan said...

"I'm a sweet sweet guy"

Such self-complacent person...

*headache*

adrien said...

i've always knows you were on papa jahat's side! hmph

nyonyapenang said...

yes, please....strangle those 'unmindful parents'....no need to give face. :)

savante said...

They're not all that bad lah, zyklon :)

Being a paediatrician would drive me insane, ruffnurse. Definitely not!

Muahahah. You'll be my babysitter then, ryan.

I am on his side, adrien. Balik buat homework!

Thanks for the vote, nyonya!

Paul

Malacophile said...

"Tell me exactly what's wrong with the parents I saw today? Am I overreacting? Is it me or have they totally lost control of their spoilt children?"


No, it's not just you. You're right. Kids did not behave that way when I was young (I was born in the early 80's). If I or any other kids I'd known had behaved that way, we'd have had our asses beaten and, then promptly grounded.

But then, what does one expect in an age when disciplining your child can be considered abuse (at least in the US)?

Either way, the parents are to blame.