I mentioned a while ago, when I first started this blog, that coming out is a life-long process. In a world where homosexuality is seen as an aberration ( or even worse as a blasphemous, earth-shattering, morals-degrading sin ), all of us are judged to be straight till proven otherwise - or till we voluntarily shove ourselves out of the closet.
I remember being back in school, puzzling over my inexplicable attraction to my brutish classmates as they attained puberty and started developing awe-inspiring pecs ( they used to be so gross and disgustingly crude - and suddenly, I'm drooling over them? Gotta admit it's weird. :) ). Feeling all hot and tingly in the changing room as I tried my best not to stare a moment too long over a particularly delectable piece of ass. Coming out to myself certainly wasn't a painful process but it was a difficult time. It isn't easy throwing away a lifetime's worth of convention to settle for something utterly unprecedented and ...taboo, especially in a right-wing, conservative corner of the world like Malaysia.
So, for all those guys taking their time to search for themselves, take your time. Everyone finds their own groove in their own damned time. It's your life. :)
One guy who never had much problem with his coming out - well, not much from what I saw, was my ISO. He just... turned gay all of a sudden when I wasn't looking. Just a few moments in the past when I turned my back on him and when I turned around, he was... well, we were falling down onto the couch but that's another story altogether. ;) An evil gay lawyer made me realize that my blog might not be as private as I think it is so I decided to come clean. Somewhat. So I told him about my blog - but left out the address ( silly me! ), and he just smiled.
Not sure what that means but in case my ISO's reading this - and maintaining his silence like the evil lurker that he is, I'm gonna say that he's a nice man who buys me good dinners occasionally. :) And hell, I'm sticking to that story!
17 comments:
Well said, Paul. I think each of us has his/her own term when it comes to coming out. I, on the other hand, had to be outed while I was caught having sex with my highschool buddy in my bedroom. :-)
awwww...thats sweet paul..coming out to your iso like that!!(speaking of th blog of course!) must hav etaken you a lot of courage and for that i salute you!!ohh and by the way ,mr ISO,if by any chance you are reading this,call me!! i have heard some marvelous things bout your abs and ass!!!lol!!
It is an interesting thing this...blog world! My friend GLO said, "you talk about how your ass cheeks bounce but are embarassed to talk about_____ with me in person?!" On the other hand, I have a collegue who REALLY wants my address and I won't give it to her (not while she works here anyway!) It is private enough that her attempts to sort through millions of blogs have been unsuccessful in finding me. We'll see how long my persona holds up when I do give her the address.
I say if those who read are offended, they should stop reading!
just happened to pass by. your blogs are funny, quite entertaining especially on a really shitty day.
I remember those days in 7th grade when I dreaded shower time in fear that my manhood would betray me. I would concentrate on everything I could that was bad and tried NOT to look at all the pubicity in front of me. Those were miserable times.
(Posted a comment before, but it seems to have got lost.)
My school days were like being an elf (Legolas :oP ) stuck in Dwarf Academy ... I was kind of judged gay until proven otherwise. :o\
But yeah, I still used to take sneak peeks in the changing rooms at those thugs who were beating me up all the time.
So Paul, are you going to do a blog about falling down on to the couch? ;o)
My bf and I are still very much in the closet. Other than people I met online, practically I'm mum about my sexuality. It's tough but we're trying our best to widen our network of friends.
Yeah...so are you going to do a blog about falling down the couch?
hmmm... what is an ISO?
I can identify with ru there about being an elf among dwarves. Heck I was judged gay even before I hit my teens! How unfair (and yet oh so spot on) was that?
Hey Paul
Are you dedicating this post to me? the confuse person in Bangsar?
hee hee
I came from a small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows what you've done before you do it. So maybe that's why I'm gay. They said I was gay, so I became it. If that's the case, I owe a lot of people a lot of thanks. If not, then I owe them a whole lot of thanks-for-nothings! Good post.
Not to be mean of anything but I sorta wish your ISO would stumble on the site... and then read the post detailing the ensuing sparks! So sue me, I'm a tad bored here at work and you've not posted a story installment in ages, so I must be forgiven for wanting a bit of a pot stir! Oh and Mr. ISO, Paul really does think you're a "stand- up-guy", in all ways! ;)
Just discovered your blog and I'm enjoying your posts! Keep it up -- the writing that is. And well, whatever else :)
What did your ISO's smile mean?
I told my ruggy about my blog and he just smiled! Never even asked if he was in there or anything like that!!
Doesn't it make you wonder if he is lurking, don'tit? lol
Ooh, love your titbit here about your coming out. I believe all of us share similar yet different stories.
Do check out mine, if you have not already.
Derek
i remember coming out. i wasn't ready for it. actually, without realising it, a friend had forced me to come out.
egl, I'm more interested in the way your ass cheeks bounce :)
A blog about falling down on the couch? One of these days, I guess :)
Kev, previously I would have said an ISO is a cheating ex but now I'll stick to sara's PC version!
Yeah, androjane, I do wonder if he's a lurker. Hope not though.
Paul
Post a Comment