Friday, January 29, 2010

The Last Outlaw

You know I'm actually pleased that my brother met his wife. Although my brother tried unsuccessfully to keep the affair semi-clandestine, it's pretty hard to keep a secret when I - the nosy kid brother - am always snooping around. And the perfectly wrapped gifts come Christmas that year was a dead giveaway.

Come on, pretty buttons and bows from my macho brother? Not likely!

Never thought to hear me say it but I actually love my sister-in-law. Though her bold outspokenness can be disconcerting to the elders, I find it quite refreshing since her sincerity can never be in doubt. Quite a rarity these days when I see shockingly impudent in-laws joining the household only to raise all sorts of domestic havoc. At least in hysterical Cantonese drama serials.

With the notable exception of that devilish femme fatale who came between the brothers ( and the father ) in Legends of the Fall. Horrific.

Paul : Just say the word and I'll have her disposed of. No one need ever know.
Calvin : Umm. I'll take that under advisement.
Paul : Seriously, I have two new crocodiles in my moat. Helpful lil beasts.

In real life I give you Miz Borgia, Charming Calvin's villainous sister-in-law. Our first meeting couldn't have gone worse since the snotty ice queen swept past everyone else - including Madame Borgia - without caring to deign a glance.

I was this close to saying Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner but I figured I was already fey enough without quoting 80s musicals! So I immediately trashed the welcoming muffin basket I made for her and geared for battle. Fortunately his family was spared the ugly confrontation since an entire ocean separated us - with Miz Borgia domiciled temporarily in the Middle East - till now.

Her return has been greeted with little fanfare though Madame Borgia decamped to the peninsula only to attend to her postnatal needs. Didn't take long before the menial drudgery had Madame Borgia beaten down. Seems like Calvin's redoubtable mother has been struck by the seasonal flu leaving the usually self-sufficient lady practically incapacitated - and at the tender mercies of the heartless Miz Borgia.

Upon being presented with an ailing Madame Borgia, our pampered princess could barely lift a finger to help. So much for filial piety. One would surely expect the devoted daughter-in-law to immediately rush out to boil some soothing herbal tea. Instead our fragile Miz Borgia yawned into her vinaigrette and pretended to lie pitifully prostrate on the divan.

Madame Borgia : *cough* I am stricken with the flu. Could you desire the physician to attend to me?
Miz Borgia : I am beset with ennui! I simply cannot be bothered by such trivial matters in the morning. Take her away.
Madame Borgia : *cough* *cough*
Miz Borgia : Good gracious. Is that a piece of your lung on my silk blouse? C'est dégoûtant! Away , you diseased creature!
Madame Borgia : My son! Oh where is my son!

Such a melodrama, I know! What could her blue-eyed boy Charming Calvin do but to ride ventre à terre to his crippled mother's rescue. A journey of 100 miles. On the slim excuse that he supposedly wishes to relieve Miz Borgia of her cares.

How very nice of him! I would certainly relieve Miz Borgia of her worldly cares by sending the executioners out for her head instead. Preferably perched on a bleeding pike.


William said...

A textbook ploy.

Life for Beginners said...

The Tender Mercies of the Heartless Miz Borgia.

That sounds like a Tennessee Williams play or a story by Gabriel García Márquez. Oh the drama indeed. :)

the happy go lucky one said...

oh... good material for drama script writing!

savante said...

Silly girl right, william!

Well, life, I feel like yelling Borgia! While dressed appropriately in a white wifebeater clutching on to some brew.

Can make a decent Cantonese soap as well, happy :)


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Tom said...

Oh my, Mizz Borgia is Mizz Borgia. But you couldn't compare her to the Medusa I have in my family.