Close to a Madding Crowd

Family seems to be getting in the way lately with long-lost cousins bugging me on a daily basis. Forget what I sad about Richie Runt being the black sheep of my family. There are much worse relations on the other side.

This time it's from my maternal cousins farther afield from the more scandalous side of the family. Obviously life is a cheek-slapping, hair-pulling Thai soap opera for these folks.

With me playing the role of the recurring cold-eyed bitch with sarcasm dripping from every word. What other part could I play especially when faced with cousins I've dubbed the spineless samaritan and the snake-oil salesman.

Seriously I could start with an entire ranting recital of their manifold wrongs but let's start with the worst. At least in my honest opinion.

Flashback sequence. Forced to fly back up north several years back, I was left standing aghast at their father's deathbed stuck with a humongous medical bill that I had to pay for - while the two above slipped unobtrusively to the hallway. And then the ungrateful duo had the cheek to send gaudy bouquets to their father's funeral while I stood there greeting the wellwishers. Just as if I was the chief mourner.


Pay for your fathers fucking bill dammit!
And when the will was read, they dared to even bargain with me on the payment. Can give discounts ah? You can imagine the nasty expletives that came swiftly to my tongue.

WTF.

I'm far from the most filial son but at least I try. Don't the Asians have a timeworn legend about the sons selling themselves into slavery to fund the funeral? I would have some naughty salacious dreams about it but the thought of my slimy cousins spoil the image.

Honestly if Charming Calvin had thought I was spitting-nails-furious during the aftermath, he should have seen me at the conception of this entire sordid affair. If looks could kill, there would have been two charred ( and yet familiar ) silhouettes left on the hospital walls the minute I received the bill. One cousin far too spineless to stand while the other slick enough to have any insults roll right off his oily back.

And now my mother's ( who's obviously a tad more forgiving! ) thinking of sending them a care package since she's going up north. Obviously food's scarce up there.

Insert sarcastic eyeroll here.

Mother : Maybe we should buy them some bird's nest.
Paul : Only if I get to boil them together in it.
Mother : Maybe some chocolates.
Paul : Any melamine in there? Get it large enough that they can choke on it.
Mother : Juk juk. Forgive and forget. How about a batik shirt?
Paul : Sure I'll donate batik for their funeral shrouds.
Mother : And they might be around for Christmas.
Paul : Can I hang them on the tree?

Yes, I'm nasty. But let's take notes here, shall we? Scorpios never forget.