Monday, August 18, 2008

Unsanitary Pads

Today I bravely went where angels would fear to tread. Not because of the sheer unholiness of the place - since the inhabitants had long rebelled against the Holy Father - but because the sheer grime was far from godliness.

Forget what I said before about Handsome Hui's Hovel or even Charming Calvin's Crib being completely unlivable. I've found a serious contender for the gold making the rest sadly forgettable also-rans.

DIrty sexy boy
Ahh... Home Sweet Home!

Precisely what I thought when I accidentally stumbled into Dashing Dan's Despicably Dirty Den. Obviously taking his cottontail nickname to heart by turning his home into a warren.

Be it ever so humble... okay it's shabby. Not only did it seem bereft of creature comforts such as electricity and warmth, there seemed to be a layer of dust - no doubt unmoved since the golden age of Mesopotamia - covering the stack of boyish paraphernalia ( books, comics, video games, clothes ) piled up on the disused billiard table in his living room.

Paul : Why is it dark here in Silent Hill? Did the lights get cut off?
Dan : Umm. I like it to be dark?
Paul : Would the lights scare off the rats and the bats?

And I did say billiard table.

Can I add that there was a petrified jungle of dead flora lying beside the table along with a tortured, tattered punching bag? That didn't stun me as much as the military parade of hair products standing at attention by the toilet door - no doubt placed there to battle it out with the battalion of kitchen knives stabbed onto the counter directly opposite.

I had a sudden crazy urge to run out for a scouring brush! With a lake of detergent / bleach. Like my boys dirrrty but not unsanitary!

Look, I'm far from the neatest guy around but I do try to keep my things in some semblance of order. Oddly enough, I seem to be in a dying minority. Most bachelors seem to pride themselves on the sheer squalor of their unsanitary pads! When a man's home is his castle, it's obviously his inalienable right to pillage and plunder till rack and ruin.

Fortunately Dan's moving to a new place. You can bet Zany Zinedine and I will help him tzsuj the place up. Though hopefully a reliable weekly maid service would be at hand to deal with the inevitable detritus.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

For the readers; None of the products of filth mentioned on here are my own, nor my responsibility. The lights were off cos I don't like seeing the mess myself. >.>

Anonymous said...

lol. o, i'm getting rid of my ole roomie and his messiness and getting a new neato clean-freak roomie. happy day! :)

Kenneth said...

I am SO not one of those Bachelors living in ... a dumpy castle. Far from it, I guess I have a home for everything and the dust is never more than 5 days old. :) Regular little house cleaner that I am :) ha ha ...

William said...

My living and working areas normally look like cyclone disaster areas. But I am just messy with paperwork.

savante said...

Simple solution dan. Hire a twice weekly cleaner.

Good idea actually, closetalk!

Whoa. That should be great then, kenneth. I do have dust more than 5 days old though :P

Usually I mess up in the day but I just... HAVE to clean up by evening, william.

Paul