Unsanitary Pads

Today I bravely went where angels would fear to tread. Not because of the sheer unholiness of the place - since the inhabitants had long rebelled against the Holy Father - but because the sheer grime was far from godliness.

Forget what I said before about Handsome Hui's Hovel or even Charming Calvin's Crib being completely unlivable. I've found a serious contender for the gold making the rest sadly forgettable also-rans.


Ahh... Home Sweet Home!
Precisely what I thought when I accidentally stumbled into Dashing Dan's Despicably Dirty Den. Obviously taking his cottontail nickname to heart by turning his home into a warren.

Be it ever so humble... okay it's shabby. Not only did it seem bereft of creature comforts such as electricity and warmth, there seemed to be a layer of dust - no doubt unmoved since the golden age of Mesopotamia - covering the stack of boyish paraphernalia ( books, comics, video games, clothes ) piled up on the disused billiard table in his living room.

Paul : Why is it dark here in Silent Hill? Did the lights get cut off?
Dan : Umm. I like it to be dark?
Paul : Would the lights scare off the rats and the bats?

And I did say billiard table.

Can I add that there was a petrified jungle of dead flora lying beside the table along with a tortured, tattered punching bag? That didn't stun me as much as the military parade of hair products standing at attention by the toilet door - no doubt placed there to battle it out with the battalion of kitchen knives stabbed onto the counter directly opposite.

I had a sudden crazy urge to run out for a scouring brush! With a lake of detergent / bleach. Like my boys dirrrty but not unsanitary!

Look, I'm far from the neatest guy around but I do try to keep my things in some semblance of order. Oddly enough, I seem to be in a dying minority. Most bachelors seem to pride themselves on the sheer squalor of their unsanitary pads! When a man's home is his castle, it's obviously his inalienable right to pillage and plunder till rack and ruin.

Fortunately Dan's moving to a new place. You can bet Zany Zinedine and I will help him tzsuj the place up. Though hopefully a reliable weekly maid service would be at hand to deal with the inevitable detritus.