I think the most difficult step for a gay man is coming out to himself.
Though there are a special few who find themselves absolutely freaking fabulous and break out of the closet with a flourishing bang complete with song and dance ( and sometimes that prerequisite pink feather boa! ), the majority find themselves utterly confused with what they see in the mirror.
Of course there are a few who gaze into their reflections and find themselves utterly disgusted. Preferring a broken mirror rather than what they see inside.
What's wrong with my reflection!
Somewhere out there, there is a sad young boy who tried to end his life with a literal barrel of sedatives. A broken heart was all he said in his suicide note before downing the lot and by consensus we all believed it must have been the usual dumped-by-girlfriend scenario. Obviously my gay-dar has been disjointed with all the work lately since I never saw it coming. Embarassingly I was so preoccupied that I needed one of my plain jane colleagues to point it out.
Jane : Look! There goes his boyfriend again.
Paul : What?
Jane : Well, that has to be his boyfriend right?
Paul : Isn't that just a friend?
Jane : Isn't it obvious? A friend who comes every few hours, brings candies and flowers, sleeps outside on a nightly vigil?
Paul : Oh.
Yes. Oh.
Even had a brief entertaining ( and very odd ) lecture from Jane on gay rights :)
Gay suicides. Heavy words. Googled the fact and found that surprisingly high rates of suicide have consistently been reported among homosexuals, particularly among adolescents and young adults. Apparently, coming out isn't as easy for everyone. Most feel terribly isolated and alone with their mounting difficulties. Many face conflict, whether within their own families and workplaces, even with their religious denomations.
For me, life is precious. And to take a life for such a reason is an abomination to me. Having such a young boy just at the cusp of his promising manhood wanting to take that final plunge, I find utterly heart-breaking especially if it's for the reasons above. Because there's always someone out there to listen, someone to talk to. They are not alone. And I wish more of them would know that.
Talk. There's always someone to listen.
PT Foundation
Befrienders
At the risk of sounding like a sappy infomercial, yes, we are all here ready to listen as well. Even me.
Though there are a special few who find themselves absolutely freaking fabulous and break out of the closet with a flourishing bang complete with song and dance ( and sometimes that prerequisite pink feather boa! ), the majority find themselves utterly confused with what they see in the mirror.
Of course there are a few who gaze into their reflections and find themselves utterly disgusted. Preferring a broken mirror rather than what they see inside.
What's wrong with my reflection!
Somewhere out there, there is a sad young boy who tried to end his life with a literal barrel of sedatives. A broken heart was all he said in his suicide note before downing the lot and by consensus we all believed it must have been the usual dumped-by-girlfriend scenario. Obviously my gay-dar has been disjointed with all the work lately since I never saw it coming. Embarassingly I was so preoccupied that I needed one of my plain jane colleagues to point it out.
Jane : Look! There goes his boyfriend again.
Paul : What?
Jane : Well, that has to be his boyfriend right?
Paul : Isn't that just a friend?
Jane : Isn't it obvious? A friend who comes every few hours, brings candies and flowers, sleeps outside on a nightly vigil?
Paul : Oh.
Yes. Oh.
Even had a brief entertaining ( and very odd ) lecture from Jane on gay rights :)
Gay suicides. Heavy words. Googled the fact and found that surprisingly high rates of suicide have consistently been reported among homosexuals, particularly among adolescents and young adults. Apparently, coming out isn't as easy for everyone. Most feel terribly isolated and alone with their mounting difficulties. Many face conflict, whether within their own families and workplaces, even with their religious denomations.
For me, life is precious. And to take a life for such a reason is an abomination to me. Having such a young boy just at the cusp of his promising manhood wanting to take that final plunge, I find utterly heart-breaking especially if it's for the reasons above. Because there's always someone out there to listen, someone to talk to. They are not alone. And I wish more of them would know that.
Talk. There's always someone to listen.
PT Foundation
Befrienders
At the risk of sounding like a sappy infomercial, yes, we are all here ready to listen as well. Even me.
18 comments:
Can't say I don't immediately identify with the poor thing, though our most striking difference would be the age. Hope he's doing fine now, and where DO you get an entire barrel of sedatives??
Btw nice banner Doc. :p
Aiks. Poor feller - although we wonders how the (supposed) bf is coping too. And true - how'd he come across a stockpile?! Even we don't have such a stockpile!
a deep post. i like it more when you write about things like this.
One can be entirely lost and cannot see the light.
Sometimes, it's takes the initiative of people who notice, strangers who seem to care, to make a difference.
A careful 'hello, are you okay?' to anyone who seem not okay can turn into a beautiful friendship. Just like how the freehug movement was created.
So go out there and touch someone's soul people! If can, grab their ass oso. ;p
-ex-ashangelo
Very touching post. I have been there actually. It was very hard for me to accept myself and come out to myself and to be honest, the attemps were there too (but not pills) and it was bad. I had hit rock bottom, but, like a parabola, the upswing began and its great. It took time though and some serious thinking. My thoughts are with all who want to come out. I wish them all strength. M.
Well I had hard time coming out to myself but not that depressing until I felt the need to end my life.
But seriously there're many gay men or boys out there who really can't accept who they are. And that can really bring them into the deep valley of depression.
Yeah, they should find someone to talk to. Not easy, but they need to.
Sometimes it's so difficult to get out of a rut. Blinded. If only everyone could see the light at the end of the tunnel (not the other end, :P).
I can understand why one would take a drastic action. It's sometimes the only way to get anyone to listen. Especially among guys: after listening to snippets of problems, they tend to make the problems seem smaller than they are actually.
bleah,,,
don't even want to think bout the problem
happy. old. day. WA HAHAHAHAHAHA.
When I see people doing badly like that i try to let them no "me too." So many of these kids think they're alone, they're the only ones...if we can just let them know they aren't, that may save a life or two.
That is really sad, I must say.
It's quite horrid how the world views homosexuality. I mean, look, there's nothing wrong, you just like someone of your own sex. And besides, some of the coolest people I know are gay. So what?
But yes, it's really important to talk. Helps a lot. Although its going to be hard in as conservative a place as Malaysia.
And I believe its a birthday for you. Sucks when such a sobering event happens on your bday, no?
But hey. For what it's worth, happy 31st! =) [I think]
aiks...what's this nonsense? I thought I went to a teeny bopper page when I saw that 'thing' on your page, doc...
Pity the guy.
I certainly don't have such courage to gave my life away.
This post reminds me of a scar on a friend's wrist.
Do you think he did it because he is gay or just a broken heart. I just think that gay teens are more sensitive and think that they would never find a love like the one that was just over. Maybe it's all related.
Always love the quality of your pics. Where do you find them?
Paul,
I'm so glad you touched on this subject. I lost a very close friend to suicide because he felt he couldn't 'come out' to his family. I grew up with him. We played together, hung out and I loved him like a brother. We were close.
Instead, he felt it was necessary to use a shotgun to solve his dilema. His sister found him. His Father died two years later of a broken heart. Ironically, his family was the most non-judgmental people you could meet and would have accepted him unconditionally. Fear can cause a mighty issue... it's fear that kills.
You've touched a subject that is very close to me. It's something I talk about with others and it's something I address in my story 'Tomorrow'.
Thank you Paul for discussing it.
Hugs,
TJay Farley
sometimes it is what they see as the best thing to do. wise people never think of suicide as an option. wise people will cry if things get bad and they go shopping, manicure and do a movie marathon afterwards. and do some ramblings on their blog.
ok laa... maybe i'm the only one who cries and starts bitching in my blog when things gone harder than what i could take.
i think i come out ok. not to my parents though, but my siblings accepted me well. and i'm lucky for that. and for friends who are not judgemental.
people should cry more often... and then go flirting to wash away the guilt of making ourself cried over silly things.
you should have some words with that fella laa doc. bagi semangat sikit kat budak itu.
btw... nice banner...
Glad that you touched on this topic.
I saw a [para]suicide patient once. One very young and cute patient. Not only did he failed his attempt, he's acquired acute renal failure due to that. As the same in your case, he only said it was due to a broken heart, but I highly suspect it might be a similar case to yours.
Personally, I myself am very blessed 'cause I've close friendships with many who are gay themselves. Even though I myself am only out to a few select people, it really does help, rather than facing it alone. I can't imagine for the life of me, how I'd cope otherwise.
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