Road to Splitsville

What do you do in the event of a breakup?

Let's face it, all of us ( excepting those lucky few who meet their twin souls in infancy ) have been through an excruciating breakup that involved name-calling, plate-smashing and possibly car-jacking.

Okay, maybe not the car-jacking for everyone else.

Sad to say in the shockingly evanescent world of gay relationships, a committed relationship is anything that lasts beyond that second date and the fortunate couple that goes beyond the month threshold seem almost set for matching wooden rockers in front of the nursing home. Contrast this with the extreme of our speedy lesbian sisters who tend to start shopping for matching china and that comfy minivan right after saying good night on their first date. :)

It's barely two weeks into the new year and I've already seen two relationships steadily crumble into nothingness. Certainly not an encouraging sign for the rest of us but hey, we still soldier on, picking up the pieces and moving on.

After the dust of a forgotten relationship has settled ( along with tossing out the broken glass, his leftover shirts and various lovey-dovey mementoes ), it's time to move on. Some immediately leap into disastrous rebound relationships though I doubt the efficacy of this particular solution ( unless it's leaping into a bed with me! :) ). Some would advocate cruel sadistic punishment for the ex ( did anyone say me? ) but honestly it's a futile attempt that only makes the recent split much harder and painful than it's supposed to be. Much easier to just walk away and leave it all behind. Let sweet Karma deal with the rest.


On a break...
Although we all have our own ways of dealing with the loss, my friends and I ( and possibly some helpful tips from talk-queen Oprah ) have discovered that some things are essential for the recovery period.

1) Showers
Seriously. After that first few days of indulging in bouts of grief while pouring out forgotten grievances to the understanding teddy ( and listening to endless renditions of All By Myself ), it's time for a hot shower. Puffy tear-stained faces, nasty bedhair and six days body odour doesn't help make you feel better. Get into the shower.

2) Support Shoulders
Really we all need that shoulder to cry on - and even in the most abusive fucked-up relationships, all of us mourn that particular loss. It's human after all. Preferably more than one shoulder to cry on of course since endlessly weeping weenies do tend to wear out even the most steadfast best friend. You'll hear your share of 'this too shall pass' and 'other fish in the sea' but bear with it. It's far better than 'I told you so'.

Unfortunately if you dated your best friend ( like I did ), it's going to be one tough lonely road.

3) Comfort food
Bet all the gym-bound gay boys are staring in utter astonishment but this does help. Could tell you all about stimulating endorphins and all that rubbish but why bother when we all now the indescribable feeling of sinking into that delicious bowl of peanut butter chocolate ice-cream on a hot summer's day? Food is not love of course but one small bowl isn't going to tip that dieting gay boy into Michelin Man world.

And if you're worried about turning into the post-breakup blimp, there's always seaweed, celery sticks and wheat crackers though I doubt the effect would be half as good as chocolate chip cookies :)

4) Blog / Journal
Well, what can I say? I'm a guy who lose himself by writing as it helps me focus my thoughts ( no matter how insanely erratic they might sound sometimes :) ) Provides a reasonably cathartic outlet for the anger, the pain and all those red-hot emotions running through - which helps distract from the vengeful criminal ideas that can sometimes land one behind bars.

5) Books / Movies
Some would indulge in a mindless marathon of weepy melodramas and disastrous Romeo-and-Juliet tragedies but I certainly wouldn't recommend such a move. Give the tearducts a break. Humour and laughter would be an easier way to go and would also offer a temporary respite from the relentless Kleenex mauling.

After you've packed all his stuff into a box to the left ( as Beyonce advocates ) and realized that he's not irreplaceable, the good news is life does get better. The hurt takes a while to heal but hopefully there will come a day when you'll share lunch with the ex, smiling and laughing about what happened before. Of course I'll stick my ISO with the bill but that's something else altogether :)

So how do you get over a broken heart?