Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Broken Resolutions

Although I was hoping not to make - and break - them, I think I must reluctantly list out a few of my resolutions ( or at least my goals and objectives this year as the meme puts it ). What can I say? I'm a sheer meme slut and can never resist them.

1) To be a better person
Yes. Really. I can already hear the mocking titters from the disbelieving backbenchers.

The Dark Side
The Dark Side..

As much as I enjoy the occasional sadistic fantasy about decapitating and dismembering my unfortunate enemies, I have decided to turn over a new leaf. For some reason Pauls are obviously prone ( Biblically proven ) to sudden inexplicable 180 degree personality changes. Lately, my growing already mile-wide streak of maleficence has started to make Charming Calvin extremely nervous and he's already starting to think about increasing his insurance premiums ( in lieu of delivering a pair of fraternal twins to strike a balance of the Force ) - so I shall try my best not to succumb to the encroaching dark side.

So I guess I won't be executing bungling nitwits / selfish road hogs with my glowing light-sabre this year. Will even try my best not to eat little house officers and incompetent medical staff for breakfast.

2) To travel someplace exotic
Seems like my travel plans got derailed by that obstacle called examinations last year so I'm gonna get back on that lifelong journey soon. Not sure where that particular train's gonna be heading but I have a vague half-realized image of sultry, dark-eyed matadors, late afternoon siestas and towering Gaudi-inspired spires.

Or perhaps intricate glass lamps and flying carpets.

3) To practise fiscal prudency
Not a surprise since judging by the amount of shopping I do, I'm always trying my best to outrun the unforgiving creditors. Thankfully I haven't resorted to loaning from dye-blond loansharks yet so I have no fear that they'll be coming by my home to deface the front door - or worse, break it down with a bloody pickaxe.

4) To lose some weight
Seriously. Do I even need to explain this? Not only is it good for the heart, it's also good for the image - and come on, isn't this the one on every gay man's new year resolutions? Surely it's every gay man's dream to have a face and physique that would cause traffic to come to a screeching halt - not to mention inspiring the hunkalicious police officer to drop trou.

Not sure how I'll be achieving this miraculous feat but I foresee frequent fainting spells at work from hypoglycaemia and possible torture-visits to the gym. Failing that, there's always Naughty Nancy, my friendly neighbourhood plastic surgeon.

5) To be a friendlier, more gregarious sort
Always been a shy, timid little mouse but I am trying my best this year and I seem to be coming out of my shell gradually. Despite my antisocial temperament, I met up with more than a handful of bloggers and managed to keep from morphing into a stuttering tongue-tied fool so I guess that does show an improvement. Not sure how I'll get Charming Calvin talking though.

6) To have more sex
'Nuff said. With my packed schedule ( and the Lord of Perpetual Yawn pleading unconsciousness ), not sure how I'll get this resolution done either. Understanding my distress and ever willing to lend a helping hand, my ISO offered himself as a willing sex toy / partner but I turned him down.

So what do you plan to do this year?


Anonymous said...

These are really radical changes you have planned. How ever do you hope to acheive all of them? I think you can try to become a better person, as should we all, but don't try to harness your evil Paul, or we shall miss him terribly. :(

Sprinting Dan said...

I think you're managing the friendlier, more gregarious bit just fine. Though I suspect Calvin could some more in the way of TLC.

Anonymous said...

I like no 6!! :-)

Good luck to your new year's resolutions.... Good to review them every quarter or so to ensure that you're on track!! Have fun!

Anonymous said...

The best resolution I can make now is: STOP PROCRASTINATING!

hrugaar said...

Not sure if resisting the urge to kill people necessarily makes one a better person - a more frustrated one, perhaps. :oD

OTOH, tackling the me-me slut aspect of yourself, paul ... well, maybe a resolution to become less self-obsessed might make some of the other resolutions easier to achieve? ;oP

(Sorry, didn't mean that to sound bitchy ... it sounded so much better inside my head la.)

What do I plan for 2007? Well, I got tagged by the same me-me you did, so I'm going to answer that elsewhere.

JL said...

Googness gracious... Eating little house officers & staff?! Wow… What an exquisite taste you have. Do you prefer it raw, medium or well done? ;P

BTW it's time to bring Charming Calvin to visit Lord Brahma of the Erawan Shrine ;)

JL said...

i meant 'goodness gracious'...damn keyboard -_-*

Anonymous said...

Bring Charming Calvin to Exotic Sarawak for the Rainforest World Music Festival in July Darling!!! 3 days of music, sun, beach and sex!!!!

Anyway, a Merry Christmas to you Darling and A Happy New YEAR

Anonymous said...

I say there's only ONE way to take care of all those resolutions this year: PLASTIC SURGERY.

Change your identity. Done.

Perky said...

6 goals to achieve in 365 days (actually there's now only 361 days left). I have faith that you will accomplish at least 1.8 of the goals you set for this year ;) Lol!

Happy New Years!!

Anonymous said...


no. 10 is my priority this year.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a doable set of resolutions.... although "having more sex" shouldn't be part of the resolution, it's mandatory!

Merili said...

Happy New Year! If you make these resolutions true, it will sure be a very happy one :)