Friday, January 19, 2007

Idolize

Although I do indulge in a fair bit of impromptu shower concerts, I've never actually gone public with my shameful vocals. Unlike Big Bicep Barry who has a surprisingly pleasant singing voice to go with that tough physique ( as he once surprised me one drizzly night in November ), most of my vocal acrobatics are done indoors in the privacy of my bathroom. I've heard myself after all, I can carry a reasonable tune - enough that I don't have the audience lobbing rotten tomatoes at me - but I'm certainly no legendary Orpheus bringing the dead back to life.

Never could understand untalented blokes who display their pathetically minimal talent to the unappreciative audience in those hideous joints we call karaoke. Sure sweet Charming Calvin might have been swayed by the seductive siren pull of the mystical Red Box KTV but I'm hoping to pull him back from the disastrous brink before the change becomes irreversible.

Idol
Oh yeah, idolize me!

So what brings all the freaks to town for an Idol audition? Seriously every time the infamous Idol bandwagon comes around, seems like every deformed tune-deaf nutcase crawls out of the hidden cracks to perform their own awful song-and-dance number just for their two seconds of fame. Exactly what could they be thinking of? Have they gone totally deaf? Haven't they heard themselves sing?

Self-absorbed, overly confident buffoons that pompously claim to be the next world-famous operatic diva ( after being puffed up by their equally hearing challenged relatives ) but turn out sounding akin to miserable croaking frogs. Is it any wonder that the stern judges sometimes find themselves utterly at a loss after an inhuman rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody from a Kelly Clarkson wannabe?

Honestly I blame the parents and everyone else around them. Look I'm not a fan of negative criticism ( leading to years of low self-esteem and endless sessions of therapy ) but sometimes going to the other extreme with too much positive encouragement can't be good either. After little Willy has been inundated with floods of senseless praise for his yearly amateur performances by his doting parents, how is he ever going to deal with the grim, demoralizing wake-up call from the judges?

But really, I know you have ten years of vocal training from a tone-deaf teacher and a degree of performance from the University of Nitwits but...
You can't sing to save your life. Get off the stage.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

aren't they an eyesore?

nyonyapenang said...

errr....they believe they are better than william hung lar....:D

strapping.shane said...

Oh yes. Very true.

Heard you sing, and you definitely can't carry a tune to save your life.

Why don't you take up opera? It's just HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and holding your breath for a very long time. =P

Anonymous said...

That guy, Rudy, originally from Venezuela, he's hot! A charming voice too!

JL said...

but but but... i can dance ;)

Roxie said...

Hehe... tragically, we had one of these in my music class in high school. For our exams we all had to either play an instrument or sing, and three of us chose singing. One of us shouldn't have. Eventually, our teacher had to just say to her, "Look, I'm sorry but... you're awful. Please, learn to play the tin whistle or something."

I still have nightmares about being stuck in a room with her listening to her over and over again. "On my oooowwwwwwwwwn pretending heeeeeee's besiiiiiiide meeeeee!!" Les Miserables has never sounded quite so miserable.

Anonymous said...

i'd love to see JL dance! *wink* *wink*

Anonymous said...

sometimes too much of improper positive encouragements is bad!!!!

stop encouraging your kids coz they sang like a frog not like a Josh(Groban)...

i respect their courage though but it's not a stupefacient show... plzzz

Anonymous said...

I once saw the Idol audition, I think this was a year or two ago...

A woman came to sing in full cow costume complete with udder! She sing terribly and ended her act by grab the udder and jiggly it.

As if that was not scary enough to think how could this woman ever think that it is a good idea to wear cow costume on national TV show.

When Simon ask if she was even serious about the competition. She reply, with all seriousness and hurt look on her face, that she is serious.

Real Scary