Monday, February 27, 2006

Wedding pacts II The Return of the Killer Bride

You know what they say about scary monsters under the bed. Just when you think it's finally gone, dead and buried ( with that handy hatchet you keep by your bedside ), the one thing you fear the most resurfaces from the ground with its hand clawing the dirt.

Months back, I mentioned a wedding pact with one of my oldest friends, Graceless Grace. Since her last blubbering confession on my shoulders, she has remained thankfully silent on the subject of our projected wedding plans. Desperately hoping that she had permanently dismissed our so-called engagement ( in her head anyway ) - and since it seemed to do no harm for her to have her own funny fantasies, I have kept my peace.

What freaking wedding!
Maybe if I hold her tight enough, she'll forget the damned wedding...

Obviously I should have said something earlier. Although she hasn't gotten my consent yet, she has obviously somehow taken my frowning silence as assent since she brought it up again today. It's quite obvious that Grace hasn't been having the best dating record recently judging from the comments I've gotten from her. Somehow or rather crazed sex maniacs and commitment-phobic men don't seem like the marriageable sort. Then again, something else we have in common actually. This afternoon, a surprising message from her had me literally screaming as she asked me to check out the price of garden weddings.

Not sure what the hell she meant by that but I was as shocked by her message as I was by the price of garden weddings. A freaking 25 thousand for about fifteen tables for a themed garden wedding, imagine that! Now, how am I gonna swing that with my measly salary? It would take half a year for me to save that much - if I ate only rice wih tofu and cycled to work. Sure, I could do a striptease for a male burlesque but I doubt I could earn as much as Big Boy Barry of the Kayu Jatis - since honestly, who would pay to see me! Perhaps I could earn more by opening a private clinic.

Damn. What the fuck am I saying? I'm certainly not getting married to her! Don't get me wrong. She's a lovely lady and any heterosexual man who can actually live with her intolerable idiosyncrasies can be counted a lucky man. And God knows I love weddings. But I actually prefer my women a little taller, darker - and manlier.

Told her just that and although she laughed merrily - probably thinking I was making some hokey joke, I don't think she really understood that I meant what I said. Doubt she'd have believed it if I'd waved a rainbow thong right in her nose.

Luckily she added a small caveat this time and added a year to the contract, thereby giving me time - and space - to breathe. Till then, I need to get me a man!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps Mr. Barry would indeed be delighted to save you from your marriage plight! >:o)

Maximus Leo said...

Time to work on BBB man!

I too had a contract with a lady friend....fortunately she has a new man now and I'm off the hook. Having said that, another friend is looking at me for possibilities as well :-) I need to find myself a new contract - this time with a guy! :-)

Anonymous said...

so why haven't you made any move to BBB yet??? You only have 364 days left! That seems to be long but it really isn't :-)

I love how wedding represents but I don't think I can hold my own wedding ever... oh well. Life goes on :-)

savante said...

Barry? Yeah well, I wouldn't bet on that happening, Brian.

Maximus, you have that same contract :O

Working on that boyfriend part, shigeki. Seriously!

Paul

Musang said...

it's about time that you play the song pakcik suggested when barry is around. if he smart, he'll get the cue after you 'accidently' play that song for the 3rd time. if he is the other way round... he might even love the song and sang along with it on the 40th time.

and yeah, telling her the truth would actually help. if she is a good friend of yours that is. she might even pimp you around with her other gay friends or pulling hairs with you over one cute guy found at the bar.

please marry barry barry...and let him finance the reception. you can save your money and he'll get you. a win-win situation if you ask me.

Just Me said...

What a mess. Hopefully she will find a boyfriend soon to get you off the hook.
I have the same arrangement with some of my friends. Some of them are straight but I also have the same arrangement with my gay friends. Luckily, all of my straight women freinds are married now. :)

Jay said...

What are you, Will and Grace? You don't go around making wedding pacts with women!

BTW I can now estimate how much you earn p/a and lemme just say that you're looking very attractive as a prospective boyfriend already.

hrugaar said...

Just the title of his post had me rolling with laughter. And then the thought of Grace rising from the earth in her soil-smeared bridal gown ... :oD

Anonymous said...

why dont u just go n marry her instead. u told her already what that you are plu n only go for guys.if she dont mind, means that she dont mind. maybe she just need baby..and not yourself.

just give her the sperm that she need..what is the worst thing that can happen?? a baby perhaps. at least you can know how you child look likes.

Anonymous said...

what's with this wedding pact? never ever make one im telling you.

hmm, you are quite a catch based on that 'little' figure you gave. time to pack and move to melaka i think :D

AJ said...

*ugh* clearly another victim of my newly coined "Men Are Jerks Syndrome" not to be confused with the blog "Men Are Jerks"....

Really, where have all the cowboys gone??

Anonymous said...

Wedding Pact indeed..hahahaha...Made one a while back with a Lesbian gal...but haven't carried it out yet and anyway the deadline is in another 5 years..hahahahah

Marriage of convenience..maybe a few test tube babies along the line....hahahaha

Petie said...

Married might be a good thing from the tax point of view. You would be able to get some tax cut from having a wife right? Perhaps told her that there is no need for larvish reception. Just a quick sign at the city hall? :P

If you really don't want to do it why you ask BBB to perform just like in your story 'Live in Boyfriend' :P

savante said...

Boy, I'd prefer my Grace to be of the tall, dark and handsome variety :)

musang, marry barry barry? You gotta be kidding me! Since he's in financial straits, I'm gonna have to pay for the whole operation myself :)

cr, hoping to get her married by year end!

Jay, I earn very little! It's barely sustainable. I meant what I said about cycling to work and eating tofu!

Makes her sound like the Corpse Bride, ru!

pakcik! A baby sounds like a good idea. Suddenly I'm liking the marriage thing.

Can pack an come over, asmadi, but don't think i earn that much! I have a house and a car to pay!

aj, maybe we both need to go search at brokeback!

quavadis... a marriage with a lesbian?!

Tax exemption? Hmmm... gotta look further into this.

Paul