Friday, February 10, 2006

Luxurious decadence

I think I've just enjoyed the most relaxing day ever.

It began beautifully with the sight of young, well-built boys sweating on a basketball court as they played sepak takraw - think volleyball with legs - below my balcony. It certainly increased my wicked appetite for succulent meat which was somewhat appeased during breakfast.

Shirtless players!
Swear from a distance they all looked like this...

After my light breakfast - thankfully provided the hotel, I had the most delicious spa treatment ever ( almost as good as sex ) where the plain but husky masseuse practically lulled me to sleep at times. Hate to disappoint you guys but he didn't resemble Chris Evans in the least but he had the most amazing hands - I would marry him for those hands alone! At the end of his indescribable magic, I could feel my bones practically melt onto the floor and it was all I could do to slide over into the tuk tuk for a ride to the mall.

Over at the mall I treated myself to a decadent chocolate orgy that would have obsessive dieters such as alfalfa munching vegetarian wannabe Big Bicep Barry going into an apoplexy of guilt. There's nothing quite as luxurious as drinking Godawful expensive but heavenly chocolate while lounging on a shady Balinese daybed generously provided with silk throw pillows. No one cooks - or provides impeccable service - as beautifully as the Thais do and even my lunch was an experience all by itself.

There were times that I wished I had someone to share with - but I've surely griped quite enough about my sorry single state. Watching Valentine banners go up everywhere over here with the ubiquitous farang / local SPG couple walking by made me feel a pang of envy. Some of the other Thais might look at such couples askance ( exploitation of their women and all that but not gonna get up on my soapbox today since my knees are still rubbery after the massage ) but there are times that I actually wished I was in their slinky, slutty stilettos. Not that I'm suddenly revealing a hitherto buried penchant for cross-dressing ( NEVER! ) but it would be nice to have a cute, sexy farang gaze into my eyes with such naked adoration. No matter how fickle or fleeting that feeling might be.

By the by, I'm gonna say something extremely shallow for a while. Some of the farangs are absofuckinglutely delicious but for some obscure reason, the SPGs by their side certainly didn't match their golden Caucasian godliness. Instead of the dark-eyed beauties we'd expect, they're usually paired with dumpy, flat-nosed wannabes straight out of the reject country farm. Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder but hell, even I look better with my hideous homely features.

That didn't spoil my mood in the least though since I was still in a massage / chocolate high and it certainly helped when something extremely odd and vaguely incestuous happened during dinner. Even with my hideous homely features, somehow when I'm abroad I get the occasional pheromone injection which renders me temporarily irresistible to some of my more susceptible victims. Witness my past Istanbul fling.

So what happens when an overly amorous cousin - let's call him Tipsy Tik - bends over at the end of dinner and slips you some tongue? Sure, I can be the physically affectionate sort but swapping spit with a cousin seems to spill dangerously over into the borders of incest. Doesn't it? Still, I was too stunned by his actions - and overcome by my earlier expiations that I didn't bruise his pretty chin ( yes, he did get both his - and obviously my share - of the sexy hot Thai boy looks ).

Still, it was kinda weird.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

almost as good as sex but it's not quite the same unfortunately. :) Did you get some today? :)

I am glad you are enjoying a fabulous vacation. I'd love to go to spa without any naughty massages. Yeah, I can live with that. But then, it's so impossible around this time of the year for me.... Enjoy your weekend for some corporate slaves like me!

Anonymous said...

Gosh, Paul, u sure r havin a helluva gr8 time there. Enjoy yrself! Don't b notti though! Or if u wanna b, b notti safely. :-) How cum u dun post pix? C'mon, show us sum pics of those Thai policemen in their dark grey, tight uniforms dat u secretly captured wif ya camera!! Dun b shy-shy, ok? BTW, cn i ask sumthin . . . .is B3 SH?

Anonymous said...

I smack you. Hideously homely people do not get to boast about flings and deliciously forbidden incesty kisses. So there's a lie in there somewhere.

savante said...

No sex yet, shigeki. Doubt it though.

Thanks, anon. Having a great time here. Trying not to be naughty. Posted a pic.. can't find a police officer pic that looks nice though. Is B3 what? SH? What's that!

Jamie, it's true. I am hideous homely but I turn sexy when I'm abroad. Who knows why. That holds true even in Melbourne, my dear :)

Paul

Anonymous said...

Ok...I was tryin to be subtle. Is BBB S.H.? Think, Doc, think. Use your creative JUICES. I put 1 and 1 together, and am wondering if it is 2. So, I am wondering whether BBB = S.H.? Can't be S.O., right?

savante said...

SH... What could it mean?
Something Hot
Slick N Hot
Sensuously Hard/Hot
Somewhat Heterosexual
Somewhat Homosexual

As opposed to SO?

Paul

Anonymous said...

Lucky bastard! ;-)

Why no holidays? Like Shigeki - I have sold my soul to the corporate world and it's plainly work for me! Which kind of reflect my sorry single state! And of course running away from myself!

Try Japanese guys - they are yummier! :-) Enjoy the rest of your holidays in sexy Bangkok!

PS - you get SPGs all over the world - even in Japan and somehow the standard doesn't change! They follow one global process when it comes to looks :-)

Jay said...

Ugly SPGs? You wouldn't by any chance be a bit biased, would you? :-p

Hope you get a chance to have full-blown sex with your cousin. That would certainly add a whole new dimension to your blog!

mARCus said...

Get some action with the cute thai boys...im sure there're aplenty...

AJ said...

how delightfully sinful!! Happy holidays & about the incest thing, as a half muslim friend of mine says "When I'm on holiday I can eat pork"

ash said...

another bit about cousins? wow, drownedglass, you and me are on the same wavelength!

Squido said...

Incest is baddddddddd~

But a little kiss and a whole bucket of tounge wrestling is usually ok.

I think it's legal for cousins to marry right? As long as he/she is not on your father's side. o_o?

Anonymous said...

Ok. If you wanna know what I meant by is B3 SH, check your mail. I sent you a mail to yr hotmail address, as I don't think it is good to be tooooo open asking this question here in an open forum lah. ha ha.

savante said...

Ian, take some leave! Come to malacca and stay over with me :) And Japanese guys are yummy? Shigeki, you hear that? Can I try you out?

Not biased, Jay. Seriously, I saw tons of amazingly beautiful women but somehow or rather the cutest farangs pick up the hideous dogs.

Wish I could, marcus :)

Omigod, I love that saying, AJ!

Isn't it weird, ash! Are those your eyes! Damned sexy!

Too weird, squido! Not happening!

Paul

hcpen said...

A holiday in Thailand, i am SO jealous, haven't been in ages. And the guys all look like that hot model pic u posted? My, how delicious...hehe....enjoy ur stay...

hrugaar said...

Glad you're having such a good time here. Hey, while on holiday, eat sausage. ;oP

Since it's unlikely that either you or Tipsy Tik could get pregnant by each other and have genetically recessive babies, I don't see that the incest taboo really need apply. :o)

savante said...

hcpen, not all of them look so good but they are a few who are hot!

ru, will take your advice into consideration :P

Paul

Anonymous said...

incest..that will definitely make your life upside down.

do wonder why you keep mentioning that you are hideous homely though...

Joel said...

did u go DJ station?

savante said...

Pakcik, I don't want to mislead guys into thinking I'm some fabulously gorgeous Brad Pitt hiding behind an assumed name!

Where exactly is that, Joel?

Paul