Principles of Avoidance

Isn't it funny how we try our best not to think of something and yet it's sitting right there the whole day waiting to be noticed like a large pink elephant in a frilly tutu?

Not as easy trying to stop thinking of Big Bicep Barry as I imagined. Spent the evening out with my friends at a seaside bistro/bar downing cute little alcoholic drinks with umbrellas while we caught up with each other on our various Christmas frolics.

Quite an eventful one for me actually. From the last post during Christmas, I actually made a resolution to slow down the single-minded obsession to overwhelm him with my presence. As I started thinking about it, it started to sound more and more like a carefully planned military campaign - and I felt like a calculative, Machiavellian cad. Moreover, it occurred to me that there's still a possibility that he is hopelessly straight - despite what my rotten ( and utterly biased ) gaydar is telling me. Perhaps he even thinks of me as a... younger brother!

Excuse me while I barf!

Certainly not avoiding him but I've tried my best not to initiate anything so far! For the last few days have tried not to think of anything remotely connected to him so I avoided the gym to the best of my ability - some restaurants that we frequented and every record store that I could think of ( since we're both avid music fans ).

Didn't work all that well though :) Aided no doubt by the alcohol flowing, I managed to forget about any such resolution throughout the night as my colleagues and I gossiped about everybody else in the hospital. Trashed some reputations and demolised a handful.

But then just as I was getting into the car, I saw the CD that he gave me peeking out of the dashboard and I had this sudden compulsion to play it. It was the same song he sang weeks back and it made me smile.

Yeah. What a sap. Falling for a straight guy. How clichéd!