Sunday, June 23, 2013

It's All In The Genes

Since Father's Day just came and went just a week back, I figured it's time to talk about my plans for impending fatherhood - with fingers crossed and all that.

Longtime readers of this blog would have heard me going on and on and on about surrogacy / adoption etc. Even had more than one friend try to talk me out of it. No doubt I had to shelve all those fanciful daydreams for a while, what with my exams and my subsequent transfer after that. But it seems as if my life has finally settled down for a while, giving me time to dust off those almost forgotten plans of mine.

Especially when a trusted friend of mine gave me a significant nudge by sending me a flyer. :)

So yes despite all the nagging naysayers, I have been checking out surrogacy / adoption plans again, seriously this time. Always just hoping, wishing, thinking and planning about it isn't exactly gonna make it happen. Even roped in the help of a lawyer pal to review any possible legal problems that could crop up in the future.

Think it's about time I considered it.

For a homosexual man, turns out it isn't as easy as getting knocked up after one too many drinks at the bar. Ah so much easier for the straight boys sometimes. Not that many viable choices at hand but I have been going through the options available for me.

Adoption is a possibility but the waiting list is really long. And oddly enough there's nary an orphanage close by, only a foster home which is not exactly open for adoption.

With surrogacy being a definite possibility, it led me to wondering who should be the biological father. Wouldn't automatically assume that I should be the one bearing that responsibility - gosh my hideous troll genes? - but the more I think about Charming Calvin, the more I worry about the potential ramifications. Sure he's cute and smart and all.... but honestly he has the crappy immune system of an aged geriatric with an allergic response quicker to react than the Iranian moral police.

Mailed a couple of fertility clinics to check them out but of course, first I had to find out if I actually had viable swimmers.


rotiboy said...

Oh wow. I know both you and Charming Calvin are well educated and well mannered. I'm sure both of you will be responsible and good parents and will have no problems bringing up a child.

But I would think of the consequences of the child for being brought up by homosexual parents in a country like Malaysia, which has so much hostility against homosexual people. You and Charming Calvin may not mind or may have grown immune against the hostility, but it may be much more harsher for a child.

Unless you've also thought of how to deal with the hostility against the child due to the sexuality of his/her parents, I'm worried how the childhood would affect the child as a person after he/she has grown up.

matt said...

I think you'd be a fantastic father. I hope you can make it work. what does calvin think?

who should be the biological father is definitely an issue.. maybe you can mix your swimmers with calvin's and see who has the 'strongest' genes after all :)

savante said...

Agreed, rotiboy. Yes I have thought about that - hence the really long while I took before I made this decision - but till we try, I think we'll never know. There'll be bullying and hostility against the child no matter the reason - it could be a myriad of reasons that kids get discriminated against - but I'll hope that the love I give would be enough to make him / her strong enough to withstand it.

Perhaps that's a good idea, matt!