Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Golem & The Educationists

I would consider both my parents thoroughly involved educationists, both in theory and in practice. In fact my painfully optimistic mother vehemently insists that there are no insufferably stupid people, only unquestionably awful teachers.

Lately I'd beg to differ, especially after being saddled with a stolid, simpleminded lackwit at work. Been brought up to shrink from ever using shockingly derogatory terms such as stupid but sometimes there really isn't any other politically-correct alternative.

Let's dub the stupefyingly slow creature as the Golem. Apparently a recent graduate of some dubious nursing school, she supposedly understands all the basics therein - but we've found all that to be patently untrue. Not a day passes at work that we don't find our poor feckless Golem blundering into one unfortunate mistake or another. Like watching a terrible calamity happen in painfully measured slow-motion.

Paul : Dammit the girl's gone bye-bye again. Hello? Anyone in there? 

Just today, our senseless Golem couldn't even tell the difference between a urinary catheter and a nasogastric tube; and tried to substitute one for the other. And let's not talk about shortly afterward when her clumsy attempts at trying to fix the tube to a drainage bag caused a deluge of near-apocalytic proportions.

Repeated reminders only cause her to fall into a near catatonic stupor, close to a complete mental shutdown since apparently she can only accept one command at a time. Otherwise like any other automaton, the Golem crashes under the relentless pressure.

Nurse : Sent the patient out and call the next one in, Golem. Then get the phone and call the surgeon.
Golem : Yes... yes... yes... too many... can't comprehend.
Paul : Dammit.... not again.
Nurse : Did she freeze? What happened to her?
Paul : The Golem can only input one command at a time. Too many random commands at one go causes her to head into a shutdown while she processes her thoughts. 
Golem : Yes... yes... call.. send... call..
Nurse : How do we reboot the Golem?
Paul : Maybe slap her upside the head?

Yes, we can be pretty mean at the workplace. Hard to remain perfectly civil when the Golem falls into her incoherent gaga state during a dire emergency situation.

As my conscientious parents keep reminding me, God knows our Golem can be taught - at least I hope - but what if she doesn't want to learn? Mind you, it has been a couple of months with the rest of the nursing staff offering gentle pointers. Doesn't seem to be having any lasting effect on her.

Maybe rebooting her is the right idea. 


Shadow Wind said...

hahaha i find this post funny and enjoyable, and well guilty of myself since for what may be another's tragedy, my bedtime story.

Well..I guess it's frustrating meeting people like that but perhaps well she might be new or ...she just needs more time. = ) i guess it doesn't hurt to be kind to people

matt said...

it sounds like she might not be suited for nursing. not to be harsh, but does anyone ever get dismissed at your hospital? she seems like a good candidate.

savante said...

Wish the Golem was just as enjoyable at work though, shadow :) There are times when I do feel like throttling her.

There are rumours of some being dismissed, matt. Not sure if it's true though.