Quite a number actually loathe themselves. Something I've come to realize slowly but surely especially when issues pertaining to homosexuality crop up. Think I can deal with the slightest tinge of homophobia when it comes to an unenlightened roughneck, in fact I'd probably expect it.
But when it comes from my fellow gay brethren, I find myself at point-non-plus - especially when they start spouting surprisingly anti-homosexual diatribes. Feels like a bloody stab in the back at times. Et tu, Bruté?
Parenthood
So why do they hate themselves? Indoctrinated with the seeming everyday normalcy of heterosexuality at home and in school, can we actually accept ourselves? Do gay men actually internalize our homophobia? Bury it deep beneath flighty layers of fey nonchalance only to have the dark, dirty thoughts claw through unbidden when issues such as gay parenthood crop up.
Protestor : Why would you even consider it? It's not normal! Why would you subject this pitiful orphan to such an irregular, unhealthy family!
Paul : And why would it be wrong?
Protestor : Because gay life is wrong.
Paul : So your life is wrong?
And that's one of the more reasonable answers I've gotten.
So yes, there are gay men out there who actually think of themselves as abnormal freaks unworthy of a satisfying life. With such internalized homophobia, no wonder gay suicides are on the rise - with the ex-gay movement gaining significant ground.
Most of the disapproving detractors fear the kid would be discriminated against because of his unconventional family. But trust me even if the child were born into the most perfect family, the mean bullies would invariably sniff out the smallest weakness - whether the family, the upbringing or even the way they style their hair. It's how you deal with such bullying that matters really.
Though I certainly wouldn't wish for my kid to be discriminated against, I also hope any kid of mine wouldn't be such a spineless wimp that he can't handle such adversity.
6 comments:
Bravo. Well said. And when you do have kids, they will love their dads, both of them. They ain't no wimps; they learn from the best. :)
don't think anyone would dare touch your kids, never mind bullies them lols
I am pro-gayparenthood. In the future I want to have a family with kids, eventhough I'm gay. I believe I can do much better than many hetero parents, which suck at parenting.
kids adapt easier than adults... and with u as a dad, i think it's unlikely ur kid will turn out a wimp. i believe lotsa kids from so-called "normal" families out there will more messed up than your kid will ever be.
do it and prove them all wrong!!!
They might turn out to be Rachel Barry!
The kid will face not only bullies and being labeled as adopted and/or homo-kid but might also face general discrimination - that's why some people don't want to put the kid through that.
But we're sure you'll bring the kid up properly!
Yes,these kids more vulnerable to general critism and bullying. All in addition to them having 2 daddies (with the lack of a motherly-love - but lets not get into the whole disucssion of single dads/parents), and also being adopted (the feeling of not being wanted by their biological parents).
What about their sexuality (growing up with gay parents which can be influential), as well as their beliefs of gay relationships and the consequences they face (from parents if they are straight and peers/public if they are gay as well).
The truth is, i dont think the majority of the increasing gay-suicides is because they feel strongly of a deserved unsatisfying life (cause of some deep realization and internal homophobia). But possibly also due to the nature of gay relationships. Loyalty, promisucuity, HIV, acceptance of once own psyhic...etc. Some gays grow old single and alone - very depressing.
just a random thought. i'm just tired of being gay!!!Does that ever happen?
--tj_005@hotmail.com
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