Call Me Maybe

If you're a man just around your early thirties, you start noticing the rest of your peers almost inevitably taking that doomed march down the wedding aisle. From the early fanfare of the first to take that fearful plunge to the most recent, you find them all slowly but surely changing from callow,feckless youths to responsible, happily married men.

Even the most unlikely fellows. 

Yes, even that deadbeat spending half his college life endlessly stoned on booze and drugs.  

During reunions, rather than the usual litany of complaints about distressing dates and deranged dames, you start getting tales about dirty diapers, infuriating in-laws... and yes, scary spouses. 

Hearing about couples settling into marriage does make me a teensy bit envious especially with Charming Calvin still on the far side of the Big Puddle. So when I hear their increasingly petty gripes and grouses, I'll admit I tend to get a bit exasperated. Very little sympathy from me, I'm afraid.  

Friend : Oh yes, I finally got a promotion last month. 

Paul : That's great! 

Friend : I wonder if I should tell my husband. 

Paul : You haven't told him? 

Friend : You think I should? 

Paul : It's been a month!

Friend : Sometimes I just don't feel like telling him things. Haven't even told him I'm pregnant yet. 

Paul : What!? But you're already four months along!
Friend : I'm sure he keeps lots of secrets from me too!

Seriously, would that count as a dysfunctional relationship? It's like they're intentionally trying to sabotage their own marriage!

Are you hiding something from me dammit?

Sadly that's not the first time I've heard of spouses deliberately withholding information from their significant others, usually for shockingly inconsequential reasons. Even had a colleague who tried to keep the clandestine purchase of an entire apartment a secret from her apparently oblivious husband! Do they actually think marriage is an intricate game of chess based on hidden strategy and power play? Is that what happens after several years into a committed relationship?

A bit disillusioned this week, I'll admit, especially after seeing so many seemingly happily wedded couples stumbling over themselves to head for the divorce courts instead.

So how did I first know Charming Calvin might be the one? Just the very moment I received my exam results. Once I knew that I had passed - and after that first ecstatic scream, I knew there were only two numbers to call; my parents and Calvin. That was when I knew I wanted him in my life. The happiest moments, the saddest moments; the ones you want to share any news with - no matter how trivial sometimes - are the ones you love.