The Message in a Bottle

The bottle sits there on the porch.

With a flirtatious red bow jauntily tied at the neck, the slim green bottle itself encased in pastel pink wrapping.

And there's me practically five feet away in a haz-mat suit poking at it with a long stick. Anyone else would already be guzzling wine from a glass while celebrating. Me, I'm busy trying to sort out my short-list of enemies while deliberating on whether to alert the authorities. Do we have bomb disposal experts in our employ?

Obviously I have trust issues.


I knew that bottle was trouble!
I'm sure my more naive, trusting friends would have taken the bottle in, given it a home and possibly taken a few sips after. I'm wondering whether to have it tested for poisons at the chem lab.

So who placed the sweet bottle of merlot on my porch?

I considered the wandering gardener but I doubt he could afford it. And since the bottle was unopened with the seal unbroken, I presume he didn't use it to place insecticide poisons ( like the horrid ads used to show! ). Always a fear.

None of my friends and colleagues sent me a gift since I went around interrogating them under hot lamps to no avail. Can't be Charming Calvin with a Valentine's since he would have left a note - or at least a message on the phone. An enemy? Possibly. But I haven't pissed off anyone lately. Doubt the apathetic waiters around here would bother sending me a Merlot for revenge.

Hope it's a sexy secret admirer the likes of Chris Evans. Fingers crossed then.

Till then though, I'm keeping the bottle far, far away from the porch. Maybe lean it against the tree opposite. After all what if it's an incendiary device?