Seriously. Such depressing, melancholic thoughts run through my head at times like these. Christmas, New Year... I see couples walking by in the malls holding hands. I see couples cuddling in the back row of the cinemas. I see couples giggling as they share a caffe mocha ( nauseating but hey, I still miss that ).And I feel green with envy. A touch of sadness. A lil tug of lust if the guy's hot and hunky. And an odd, almost overwhelming sense of nostalgia - kinda like hey, I did that way back when. Is it any wonder that I slipped during Christmas and fell back into my ISO's arms a whole year back? :) No man is an island after all.
Still, I doubt I'll ever be the perfect boyfriend. I can't whisper sweet nothings into a guy's ear unless what I'm saying is perfectly true. Honesty is important to me so no empty compliments from me, that's for sure. I can't be the guy who's gonna call at every second of the day. With the nature of my job, I can't make it for every date or occasion - and certainly can't be exactly on time as promised ( though I'll try my darned best ). I need my space, sometimes even time alone when I get cranky or bitchy. No matter how hard I try, work does get to me sometimes and the pressure makes me wanna hit something hard. Thank God for punching bags :)
And I received this odd epiphany during Harry Potter yesterday. We got our tickets late and we were separated in different seats but I didn't mind as much. To them, watching a movie alone seemed to be an unforgivable social solecism. Some of my friends were surprisingly distraught ( can I say screaming mimis! ) by the fact that we would all be separated but I was perfectly fine with it. Hell, it's a movie, it's only for two hours. The separation wouldn't kill me.
I can sit alone. I've done it times before and I will probably do it again.
Still, it would be nice if I had a warm, buttery hand playing with my fingers when I reached for the popcorn.
20 comments:
Paul, I know it's not on purpose or anything, but dude, you're my fucking wet dream come to life. Sorry if that was rude, but this melancholy stuff just SEALS it for me.
I like watching films alone. Funny how people get worked up about it. I mean, they don't seem to mind if I read a book alone (except maybe for grumbling at me that I should be talking to them and not reading ... go figure).
We all need our space sometimes, and company other times.
What you don't need, Paul, is to slip up with your ISO again this year. Go drag Barry under the mistletoe instead! :o)
Paul darling
Poor thing. Though I am sure you realise by now that the holiday season always makes us singles feel miserable.
Sorry, I am not being helpful, am I?
Still, just hold out a little longer. When we least expects it, HE will come.
And of course, don't be too hard on yourself. No one is perfect. ;P
If you have the time, do come up to KL with Daniel. ;P
Loneliness can sometimes makes us appreciate who we are and helps us realise where we were, where we are and where we are heading too in life.
I agree when valentine, christmas, new years and bdays come by, we long to have someone there but have we forgotten how it is to be single? We use to be single once.
Hugs
Paul! You're reading my mind...
christmas, new year and then valentine. listing all these makes me feel so lonely.
watched the same harry potter movie alone as well. it was fine. though couldn't help wishing for someone to giggle with me about the cedric bathroom line.
Mr A: You guys (as far as I know) are so "confused", when you are not with someone, you want a partner, otherwise you want to be alone....
However, I am sorry for you...
So sorry buddy. You DO make me think wtice about how I feel about my current relationship. I SWEAR there I time I just want to throw him to the curb...but then I think again...and we work through it all! Thanks for the reminder.
Its so easy to see the half emptiness of the cup when you are on the otherside of the fence no? Cheer up Paul, atleast you have someone.. sort of!
Hey Paul. I know what you mean and I'm in the same boat, but - things happen when you least expect it. I feel for you buddy. Take care, CTG :-)
hey... it's been a while... probably you don't remember me...
came across this site... would like you to take a look at it... should suit the theme... hope the paintings can make you feel better too...
http://www.stevewalkerart.com
i completely understand what u mean....
I get exactly what you mean Paul, I get exactly the same pangs except I don't have any memories to look back on. But we're getting there, be sure we won't stay single forever. ;)
loneliness is not something everybody look forward too, i guess, it is not easy.... but it would be better if you have good friends..
i'm sure the right guy would come along.... and hopefully it would be soon....
Perhaps I should send Paul the latest issue of Male Order Catalog? I can certainly empathize with you and hope the almost perfect man comes your way soon. After all, he'd be boring as hell if he were totally perfect, right?
These feelings came at us just when we are not expecting it... Surely jsut when we got tired of the hot weather and tried to adjust to the cold the thought of having a warm body close by to keep us warm...
Oh.. well... Just bare it for a few months and then we will get a nice long break till another X'mas...
Encik Paul,
Watching movies alone is good. But watching movies alone in an almost empty cinema is better. Glad that I am a student and able to go and watch movie at 1.30pm on weekdays. Had the whole cinema to myself. With student price ticket. hiks.
Significant others? Don't we all dream the a romantic boyfriend would be there for us, popping up during class just to give us roses, or kidnap us from class for one hour just for a quick fuck in emergency staircase?
Or was it just me?
OMG I've became the sappy romantic and horny bitch.
Laterz.
Well, I need that loan, Kody :)
I am your fucking wet dream!! Thank you. I am so pleased, Michael. :) Proposition me pls!
ru, I know exactly what you mean and I find it weird myself. I like having a boyfriend but that doesn't mean I need a Siamese twin tagging along all the time.
Hope you are right, derek and clayton! aj, it's a mostly empty cup!
Darien, you have those hot guys at the beach who are all so friendly! I should know :)
well, asmadi, I was giggling over that line myself. SO weird!
Don't be sorry, anonymous. Get me numbers of single available men!
Glad you're looking at things in a different perspective, Scotty. YOu have something really great over there!
ctg, we are in the same boat - we should get on the Love Boat!
sure I remember you, chow ho fun. I love Steve Walker's art too.
Hi, thanks for dropping by on a particularly depressing post :) I am not usually like that, designdoctor.
The right guy should come faster, kit and drew!
brian, the catalog would look great just about now! :) I'd share it with Pete.. so he can give me some of his cool games.
musang, you are still young. Plenty of time to look around.
Thanks, kl muscle.
Paul
Hey Paul, I agree - we should get on the Love Boat - it's out there on the horizon and it's heading for the harbour. It will arrive, lets just have hope. Much love, CTG ;-)
But Paul, all those beach boys are just 'ships in th enight'...
Post a Comment