Memoirs of A Concubine

Surely it was inconceivable that her very own sister, intricately tied to her by heavy bonds of blood and family, could have concocted, compounded and carried out such a malicious scheme solely to sully her reputation in the eyes of the other concubines in the Inner Court. The imperial concubines, supposedly the epitome of courtly elegance, so exquisitely bedecked with silk and pearls - and yet only too quick to abandon all semblance of civilized poise when the slightest opportunity arose to tear down the reputations of their supposed 'sisters' in court. 

Waving away the palace maids that hovered around her anxiously, Concubine Jing paced the floor of her inner chambers while trying to distract herself from her recent troubles. Right on top of her writing desk lay a red lacquered box which she opened to reveal an old letter. Wasn't it only less than a year ago that her kind older sister had written out a perfectly worded invitation begging for her attendance at court? 

Perchance her own star had risen too fast at the unanticipated expense of the other concubines? When it came to the emperor's ever changing affections, there were some who whispered that even the formerly radiant shine of her sister's elaborate Phoenix crown seemed to dim beside her very own lowly concubine tiara. Just a meagre pearl less than the size of her nail adorned that seemingly inconsequential tiara but even that modest gleam seemed to have drawn the lustful eyes of the young emperor - and apparently the jealous wrath of his newly enthroned empress. 

Not the king but hey, a hot prince is always welcome. 

As Concubine Jing unfolded the letter, several dried leaves tumbled out. Rosewood petals. Extremely rare plant indeed - and yet half a leaf was it took to generate an extreme reaction that could lead to death, epecially to someone like her sister who was allergic to it. The germ of a plan immediately came to Concubine Jing.

Was that why she had packed the fairly innocuous leaves along so many months ago when she'd first entered the palace? 

Pardon the wishy-washy pseudo sentimentality but I can't help it especially with Charming Calvin whiling away the afternoons watching what I sneeringly dub Classless Chinese Concubine Catfights.

Unsurprisingly, more than a millenia worth of Imperial China with all the drama, intrigue and scandal contained therein has apparently provided near endless fodder for the Chinese television script writers; even spinning off a particularly trashy genre based purely on the clashes, confrontations and catfights of the imperial harem of the Inner Court. For those unfamiliar with classical Chinese mores, think a purely all-female Game of Thrones with perhaps a dash of Gossip Girl and a dollop of Scream Queens; all dolled up in the lavish intricacies of Imperial Qing Empire concubinage.

Usually with the overarching theme of a good girl gone bad. Way, way bad.

In fact the series called The Empresses in the Palace received such worldwide notoriety that even entertainment giant Netflix has co-opted the hit historical drama - although it was compressed from several dozens of complex episodes to a measly six. Nonetheless the heavily edited version managed to condense most of the pernicious schemes carried out into their pertinent bits without the dull monotonous concubinage chatter.

Simple actually. See wicked concubine. See her plan. See victim drop dead from a myriad of nefariously ingenious ways. See wicked concubine smile.

Apparently quite a few of my friends assume this would be entirely up my alley, not knowing my oft-mentioned preference for sweet, sappy romances with a definite happy ending. Watching the main protagonist - usually innocently pure as driven snow initially - being browbeaten repeatedly by the villainesses before having her abruptly transform into a monstrous bitch simply isn't my kinda show. Usually find such weak-willed doormat characters highly deserving of repeated abuse.

Honestly I like my bitches downright nasty right from the beginning.

Nirvana in Fire

As little children reading fairy tales with their all-too-predictable happy endings, we are brought up to expect our kings and queens to be kind, gentle and righteous paragons. Anyone else behaving otherwise would have no choice but to be tragically typecast as the opprobrious villain.

Clearly demarcated pieces of black and white with very few anti heroes in shades of gray. For those keenly following stereotypical Chinese serial dramas, they would find little to complain about since the heroes and villains are clearly marked right from the beginning. Simple enough to pick out the dastardly libertines in a Chinese wuxia since there's a certain pronounced look and behaviour easily discernable to regular viewers from the ever-present devilish sneer to the sharp, dramatically arched eyebrows.

And their heroes are always ever-so-righteous.

Perhaps wonderful on the written text but in real life, most of us would find these exemplary protagonists utterly unbearable. Even more so if these paragons manage to somehow stumble their way to the throne. And I do mean stumble since otherwise it would be quite impossible to achieve that ultimate goal without guile or gumption.

Which is just about the premise for the latest Chinese historical drama Nirvana in Fire 琅琊榜. Something I've been wildly addicted to lately.

Based on the novel with the same name, it tells the story of the terrifyingly brilliant Lin Shu, who under the alias of political strategist Mei Changsu, has come to seek justice for his family after having been treacherously branded as traitors more than a decade ago. To achieve his apparently nefarious goals, he secretly enlists the help of his old allies to revitalize the imperial ambitions of a long neglected prince.

And undeniably crush the sorry pretensions of all other potential adversaries - that coincidentally includes most of the villains involved in the insidious conspiracy years ago. Think of it as another take on the Count of Monte Cristo though like any intricate Chinese puzzlebox, it's far more complex than it first seems.

Rather than focus solely on the unprincipled political maneuverings, the series deals more with the sincere friendship and brotherhood amongst the main protagonists. In fact the near negligible heterosexual romance is almost eclipsed by the sheer number of bromances evidently shown; most importantly the preeminent bond between Mei Changsu and the cherished object of his Machiavellian machinations, Prince Jing.

Despite being seemingly disgusted by the schemes and stratagems of Mei Changsu, the overly principled, self-righteous prince can't help but be intrigued by him - and the rare telling quirks he mysteriously shares with his late best friend, Lin Shu.

Is this the end of a bad bromance?

However like every other Chinese novel or drama series, the morally upright characters all seem hellbent on denigrating the artful schemers - not immediately realizing that without their help, the holier-than-thou do-gooders probably wouldn't be able to achieve their noble aspirations. Fueled mainly by a false sense of honour and loads of senseless impulse, half of them would have witlessly marched to the executioner's axe if not for the timely advice of master strategist Mei Changsu.

And let's be honest, a virtuous, honourable king with little guile or wile likely wouldn't last too long with all the wicked court intrigues. That only happens in fairy tales.

The Petulant

Prior to meeting up with us, Diffident David actually ran around with an entirely different, doggedly heterosexual crowd. Didn't have very much of an opinion on them since his erstwhile friends generally remained clammed up when we were around, either from a misplaced sense of bashfulness or a seething streak of homophobia. Repeatedly trying to convince me that they were remarkably social away from our contaminating presence didn't help in my appraisal.

However recent exchanges between my friends decidedly changed my view of these 'friends' of his.

Paul : So what should we have for dinner? 
Kat : Let's have some porridge since it's a heaty day. 
Paul : Didn't David want to have some noodles? 
David : Oh no, if she wants to have porridge, we can. 
Paul : There's nothing wrong with giving your opinion when it's asked for. 
David : I don't want her to get angry with me. 
Paul : For suggesting somewhere else to eat? Kat, are you angry? 
Kat : Why would I be? 

Seriously from this brief summary, it's hard to comprehend just how distraught David actually was - especially since I've tried my best to tone down his unwarranted agitation! He was that anxious not to offend Kat - who remained perfectly oblivious to his alarming distress. From his response, one would expect our unassuming Kat to be a hellish termagant - when in real life she is almost the opposite.

Yeah, they laugh now but wait till they argue over what to order next!

Makes me wonder about David though.

Just that hint of overanxiety over a seemingly inconsequential difference of opinion gave me a very negative opinion of his former friends. Forever and always to be dubbed the Petulant. Supposedly such little trivial items - disagreements over dinner? - are enough to have these cantankerous trio all pitch a collective hissy fit. Possibly reason enough to end a decade-long friendship!

As dramatic as they are, perhaps they could even re-enact the entire infamous scene from Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils 天龍八部 where a great hero toasts his so-called 'friends' before ending their bonds of brotherhood! All over the sadly negligible fact that he hails from an enemy country which in their intolerant gaze indelibly marks him as a traitor.

No doubt in Chinese we would call these thin-skinned miscreants 小气 which in this particular context means far too easily offended. Well, if you ask me, it must be exhausting trying to gratify such overly sensitive creatures when every little annoyance just might trigger their unreasonable anger. I would be glad enough to toast them all farewell.

Which of course prompted the expected weekly lecture from me on the definition of friends. Poor Diffident David. Honestly if I had such friends like the Petulant, who needs enemies?

Nine Yin Manual

For readers of martial arts novels - and ardent followers of the wuxia television serials, an amusing literary trope frequently used would be the misinterpretation of ancient manuals, usually born out of duplicity, resulting in dementia, dismemberment or death.

Such as the infamously coveted Nine Yin Manual 九阴真经 from the peerless Condor Heroes Trilogy. Misinterpretation of the scrolls and scriptures coupled with astute revision successfully turns one of the main villains quite certifiably insane. Blame it on the yin yang going out of whack.

Certainly not for the faint of heart.

Which is why martial arts manuals shouldn't be taken lightly. A valuable lesson ill-received by an obstinate Charming Calvin who undertook the Nine Yin Manual desperately hoping to reduce his rising cholesterol levels. After a hard day's work, he would make his way to a faraway hidden temple to recite the sublime verses and practice the moves he learnt. Thought he would have learnt from his broken toe that aggressive martial arts just doesn't mesh well with his phlegmatic nature.

Calvin : Might as well down another cup of wine if nothing else is working!

So after months of endless repeated routines such as the Rhino-Stomp Body Pump and Lotus Blossom Body Jams, Calvin decided to put his burgeoning skills to the test. 

Calvin : OMG I think the cholesterol levels are getting worse.

Paul : Alarming you mean. 

Calvin : But how can this be! I have been practising my kungfu religiously!  

Paul : Probably read the manuals wrongly. Or had it misinterpreted. 

Calvin : It can't be!

Paul : Maybe your wicked enemies have been sabotaging your attempts!

Calvin : This is not a wuxia movie!

That's what he thinks. 

All About the Toe

And crunch. There went the toe.

Those who know the both of us well would have heard of the toe. Specifically Charming Calvin's toe.

Obviously there'll be many twisted versions out there on how the poor fellow broke his toe. From imprudent sex games involving swings and whips to a Rihanna-Chris-Brown domestic abuse case. There's also mention of accidentally falling from ladders while housepainting. If only the story were that simple.


Tale of the Broken Toe!
Permit me to tell you one more version. Imagine a lone wooden pavilion set amongst towering bamboo forests with two masters on the verandah exchanging wuxia secrets.

Calvin : It's against everything I've been taught by our clandestine sect. My old master will never allow me to learn such a heretical martial art.
Paul : That boring old prude won't? Like I give a damn. Here, take my 18-Dragon Subduing Kick.
Calvin : Hmm. Although it's not canonical and possibly a little evil, that was quite an efficient stance.
Paul : Just picked it up meditating up in the cold mountains. A subtle though unorthodox variation of the 9 Ying Mantra.
Calvin : But could you move your foot a little?
Paul : Why? Did I step on your acupressure point?
Calvin : Just a little.
Paul : Well okay.
Calvin : Ouch. My toe. Maybe it's broken.

Alarmingly our fellow seemed to show a delayed response to pain. Possibly learned from his vaunted martial arts master? An obscure secret method of dulling the pain?

Or maybe his internal energy chi has been weakened by the polluted waters of the city? So much so that a simple step injured his toe?

Whatever it was, my Nine Flower Dew pill only served to numb the excruciating agony. Even an exchange of internal energies didn't work. So Calvin had to make the painful journey of a hundred li to seek the help of a Western practitioner of medicine. Only to get five days enforced rest at home.

A simple yet effective prescription that cured his crippled toe almost immediately.

The Pauper

Such a pity for the Prince.

Just yesterday I mentioned Yang Kang 楊康 - that cunning ( and meltingly dreamy! ) anti-hero of the Condor Heroes 射鵰英雄傳 - having to make a choice between his natural father, the ertwshile vaudeville artiste, and his adopted father, the mighty emperor. Seems like an easy enough choice for me since I'd have kicked the deadbeat dad to the kerbside. But since this is a Chinese wuxia serial that places much emphasis on supposedly noble Confucian values such as mindless loyalty to the family and country, you can imagine which father he finally chose.

So Yang Kang tries the straight, narrow and unsurprisingly destitute path.

You can only imagine how such reduced circumstances chafe on the pampered prince turned penniless pauper. Exchanging silken sheets and sedan carriages for tattered homespun rags and straw-woven slippers isn't that easy. Not only does our poor Yang Kang have to give up his wealth and privilege for a poverty-stricken life, these folks expect him to perform feats of martial prowess and acrobatic stunts on the filthy streets to earn a living.


Wanna see my spear?
How the mighty have fallen. Having to be pummelled with wooden logs by insignificant ( and shockingly spiteful ) peons for pitiful pennies.

And then bullied by ignominious minor officials.

Prince Paul : You filthy idiots with the logs, get out of my way if you want to keep your heads. You're not fit to stand so close to this noble fellow.
Yang Kang : Good morning, sir!
Prince Paul : My my... all sweaty and sexy.
Yang Kang : Fine sir, stay and watch my martial arts performance. And if you like it, please show your appreciation.
Prince Paul : I'm appreciating you right now, pretty boy.
Yang Kang : Thank you. Watch how I hold the Yang Family Spear.
Prince Paul : Delicious lil martial artist, maybe you could show me how you thrust that dangerously long spear in my quarters.
Yang Kang : Oh yes, my lord!
Prince Paul : If you're a very good boy, I'll teach you the Splitting the Fragrant Peach position as well. Matches the Straight Thrusting Spear technique perfectly.
Yang Kang : I will try my best!
Prince Paul : Very good. This bag of coins will suffice for your services? Come along then.

whispers sotto voce to menial servant

Prince Paul : Come here, sniveling worm. Hand this bag of coins to the pale, undernourished lass standing over there. His weakling fiancee Miss Mu I assume.
Menial servant : Yes, master.
Prince Paul : Tell her he's not coming back tonight.
Menial servant : Yes, master.
Prince Paul : Then again, don't tell her anything. Foolish girl's going to die from the poisoned coins anyhow. A surfeit of saccharine sweetness irritates me.
Menial servant : Yes, Master East Venom!
Prince Paul : Then see these idiots holding logs? Return later with our soldiers and kill all of them. How dare they defile my man!

Yes, vengeful monster that I am. But seriously, I'd be so much better for Yang Kang than his idiotic goody-two-shoes fiancee.

Unfortunately Yang Kang hasn't sunk to such depraved depths yet. A pity.



But poor Yang Kang. I don't blame him for turning bad. Frankly I'd go crazy myself. And probably run amuck slaughtering the innocent villagers and razing it to the ground - after battering said peons to death with their damned logs.

I don't think our arrogant aristocrat Yang Kang is gonna take it lying down either. At least not for too many episodes! I'm sure he has some wicked scheme up his sleeve. Thank God for that since I hate spineless protagonists who wring their hands helplessly while fate sweeps them hopelessly along. Better to have someone forcefully take the reins of their own lives.

Fools who hope for change to happen without lifting a finger deserve to be pummelled with logs. I'll probably give them a good whack myself.

The Prince

Doubt I'd have made a good hero for a Chinese wuxia serial.

All that virtuous emphasis on knightly chivalry would just drive me insane. Chances are I'd have been one of the wicked, scheming anti-heroes out to foil the plans of the just and righteous. Don't you just despise those pure saintly do-gooders? Probably turn into the needle-and-poison wielding East Venom like I mentioned before.

Sheer bucolic boredom in the backwoods has driven me to unearth some of the old dvds that I own. Including an old favourite. The Condor Heroes. Well actually the prequel to the one I talked about several years back.

Worthy upstanding heroes are all very well and good - but is it any surprise that I'm empathizing with the much maligned villain Yang Kang?


The Prince?
After having his commoner father supposedly die at the bloody hands of the enemy, in a fortunate twist of fate Yang Kang is claimed by the opposing side and brought up as their pampered prince instead. The adored adopted son of the conquering king, Yang Kang grows up arrogant, cunning and worldly.

Far different from the diffident country bumpkin hero of the series.

So when Yang Kang's real father literally rises from the ashes, do you blame the fellow for refusing to accept his long-lost father? Denying a handsome princely heritage with all the accoutrements of wealth and status for that of an unknown pauper? Expecting him to just turn traitor on his adopted country for the sake of genealogy?

So what if it means he's just a tad power-hungry. I would be too if I were a prince. Surely you can't expect me to be satisfied with only tens of thousands of li. I need more!

Queen : I swear that dirty beggar is your father.
Prince Paul : Get real. Even if this dirtbag really was my natural father, I wouldn't recognize him. Guards, go drag that filthy creature out. Whip him while you're at it.
Queen : But you have to take up your true heritage. Return to your people. Uphold the just. Protect the weak.
Prince Paul : Whatever. Justice is as I see it. As a prince, I shall oppress all brainless fools who oppose me. And for the weak? The foolish peasants can toil the fields.
Queen : Boo hoo hoo. How can this happen?
Prince Paul : Get over yourself. And what's with all this spineless snivelling! You're a queen. Maintain some decorum in front of the commoners please.

Seriously. I would have kicked the decrepit deadbeat dad down a deep well. With my 18 Stance Flying Dragon Kick. And then I'd have conquered the entire known world while subjugating ( and repeatedly kicking ) the downtrodden peons.

And ravishing their virile young farmer sons in my palace.


Certainly earn the disreputable name of East Venom then.

No doubt I'd have earned the ire of Charming Calvin since he'll obviously be on the side of the *yawn* sadly oppressed.

Groaning Tiger Hidden Dragon

Let's talk about porn.

Or at least my ISO and I were talking about it during the party. Good boys talk about the disastrous state of the economy and the Middle East. My ISO and me, we talk about the current state of porn.

Walk into any gay sex store abroad - of course not in conservative Malaysia! - and you'd find something peculiar. And I don't mean the oddly painful-looking cockrings. In between stacks of DVDs with appropriately salacious titles ranging from the Raiders of the Lost Arse to Lord of the G-Strings, you'd find a shocking dearth of Chinese gay porn.

Really. Look hard for the sons of the yellow emperor in the store and you won't find any.

Now why is that? Where are the joys of the cut sleeve and the bitten peach? For a vast country with at least half a billion boys - and a much-talked about history of randy emperors bedding a thousand and one concubines, I find it unusual that the Chinese are so surprisingly puritanical these days! Can't be from a lack of hunger for Asian meat since slender Thai pretty boys, humping Pinoy studs and scandalous Japanese athletes ( catering to all manner of indescribable fetishes! ) abound in the gay porn genre.

Surely there's a burgeoning market out there for Chinese gay porn?


No porn please. We're Chinese!
Seriously. Won't you be interested in Shaolin Studs in Kungfu Hustler or Enter the Dragon ( the uncensored version! )? Perhaps even deliciously sweaty gang members in Triad Erection I and II? Or what about the slightly amorous Outlaws of the Marsh where the banished heroes slaughter their adulterous wives and concubines only to make their escape to a mountain retreat where everything looks like a martial arts version of a gay resort.

And did anyone else think that in the movie Red Cliff, Zhou Yu had far more sexual chemistry with Zhuge Liang than his own wife? A sly homoerotic tension that even the historians in the past had captured in the phrase 瑜亮情结?

Zhou Yu : What are you doing in my bedchamber playing with the arrows? Have you come to shame me again by proving how sadly ineffective my stratagems are?
Zhuge Liang : Far from that, powerful warrior. You wrong me. Though I've collected a thousand for you, the only arrow I'd want to get shafted by is yours.
Zhou Yu : Only my arrow? Wouldn't you rather try my Fisting of Death?

I know. Lame conversation. But you can hardly expect two brawny studs with ginormous wangs to come up with witty one-liners! Half their blood supply's already left their brains by that time.

Red Cliff

Just mention the names of Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei - and every Chinese scholar will sit up to take notice.

Pretty sure the famous canonical tale of the Three Kingdoms is practically hammered into the skulls of all Chinese students way back on the primary school bench. Somehow I've always imagined them chanting it daily by rote Communist-style! In a shockingly summarized nutshell, it tells the tale of third-century prime minister Cao Cao's quest to unite a divided China. Think of it as a Chinese version of the Knights of the Round Table. Hell, some bits of the story even managed to trickle down into my brain hence my scanty surface knowledge of the infamous characters brought to life in that classical tale.

Bringing such a legendary story to life would be a tremendous task to undertake - since everyone's bound to have their own take! - so I can already imagine the number of critical detractors. But when I was offered a free screening of the John Woo movie Red Cliff 赤壁 ( ostensibly based on the novel - and particularly the battle of the same name ), I practically jumped at the offer. Typically kiasu, I know.

Horse's mouth. Free gifts. I don't say no.



What can I say about the movie? Quite obviously a prelude to the grand climactic battle but it sets the essential foundations needed for the next. Great actors ( offering a who's who of male actors from the Chinese diaspora ), lovely cinematography, amazing fight scenes. You wouldn't expect any less from John Woo.

And then there's the brilliant military strategist Zhuge Liang. They definitely managed to put their own spin on the wily character! Never imagined that the renowned scholar - one you'd expect to be crabby / absentminded! - could turn out to be such a seductive fox.


His instrument of choice
Seriously. The intimate scenes between Zhuge and his warlike co-conspirators were so thick with sexual tension that you almost slice it with a knife. Even while making his diplomatic rounds at court, Zhuge Liang managed to entice the neighbouring king with his bewitching gaze under the shocked eyes of the officials.

What more with the king's trusted general Zhou Yu later that night! Just read between the lines and you'd wonder if you'd accidentally stumbled onto badly directed gay porn. Add that to the significantly heated eye-fucks they were giving each other and yeah... it could be possible.

Zhuge Liang : Why don't we play a tune together?
Zhou Yu : I believe you're only keeping your secret talents hidden.
Zhuge Liang : I'm sure we'd both make beautiful music if we manage to combine our talents in a duet.

Then again, Zhuge Liang was played by the extremely hawt Takeshi Kaneshiro so I'm not surprised that lots of folks were interested in playing his instrument.

I certainly wouldn't mind strumming his erhu.

Mark of Intelligence

Been watching Chinese wuxia serials obsessively for the past few days - especially since I found a nifty site that screens them on a daily basis ( not to mention the stack of DVD boxsets I recently purchased ). Hell, it's on all the time, you only need to pick the episode! God bless the internet.

However since my rudimentary knowledge of Mandarin is superficial at best, I have to rely on substandard subtitles to get through the show - especially when the characters start waxing poetic about the moon and the stars.

Hero : My one and only love in my heart, even the milky moonlight under a cloudless midnight sky pales before the radiant glow of your divine beauty.
Heroine : But that hardly compares to the famed skill of your peerless Rain and Thunder swordplay. Just like endless raindrops flying in a summer storm.
Hero : My fragile blossom, I see you underestimate your Five-fingered Devil's Claw of Excruciating Death.
Paul : WTF.

Seriously. Does anyone actually talk like that? Could blame the literal Babel translators of course but I guess we do have to accept that folks from a previous century are far more sweetly sentimental than the practical straight-talkers nowadays who prefer to get down to the nitty gritty. Unfortunately these days it'd probably go something like this...

Hero : Damn foxy, you look bangin' tonight! A burning beacon of raw sexuality.
Heroine : Yo mac daddy, love your sword. Come lemme play wid it.

Far from romantic.

Why have I suddenly been converted into a rabid Chinese serial fan? Apart from the vaunted heroism, boundless patriotism and the death-defying aerial stunts ( not to mention the hilarious though picturesque names given to the various stances and grips ), I find myself liking the varied characters themselves, even with their complex interpersonal relationships. Sure, it's easy enough to extol the manifold virtues of the main protagonists such as the heroic Xiao Feng and Guo Jing - but for me, I've always enjoyed the wily characters. Maybe because I identify more with them but I like characters such as the princely Duan Yu and the cunning Huang Rong who work by wit and guile, and not by sheer strength of muscle or martial art.

Or the prodigious internal energy as they call it :)


Come try my Six Swords Nerve Disabling Stance!
Though most might disagree, I find it far more interesting to watch a hero outwit his opponent by artful cunning rather than disabling the bastard ( who frequently gives that iconic wicked laugh ) with a fulsome show of martial arts prowess resulting in a gory bloodbath. With their astonishing abilities, it would be easy enough to break bone and sinew but how much more difficult to make a villain kowtow to you as a disciple? Or to drive them rabidly insane studying a clandestine martial arts skill that's nigh impossible?

Me, I doubt I'd have made a great wuxia fighter. Far from a paragon of moral rectitude. Hate sweat, practice and heavy weaponry. Though I probably would have picked up Graceful Steps upon the Waves 凌波微步 if only to avoid certain decapitation. But I gotta say I certainly wouldn't have minded playing with poisons and antidotes ( paired with darts and shurikens no doubt ).

Yeah you can call me East Venom. :P

Peerless

Not often that I actually managed to catch my breath while I'm at work - especially so when I'm going through a 24 hour shift. Last night however proved to be a surprising respite from my usually hectic calls and I actually managed to steal a half hour break. Since my schedule's pretty tight nowadays, I usually find myself too busy in the evenings to tune in to the regular Chinese drama serials that play around primetime but last night's fortunate circumstance had me sipping my restorative java just in time to catch a glimpse of one of my favourite childhood stories brought to reel life.

The wuxia genre has been gaining some prominence lately especially with the success of martial arts movies such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and House of Flying Daggers. Of course that only means an introduction to the Hollywood studios since such martial arts films have always been a staple in this part of the world.

Surely one of the great fictional romances in the Chinese medium, the Return of the Condor Heroes ( or otherwise 神雕侠侣 ) tells the story of the budding martial arts hero Yang Guo and his youthful mentor, Xiao Long Nu. Since a relationship between a student and a teacher is forbidden and frowned upon in ancient Chinese feudal society, the couple had to undergo a host of trials and tribulations for several decades ( just imagine waiting patiently for sixteen years! ) before finally coming together. Disenfranchised and neglected as a young boy due to his father's treachery, Yang Guo finds a special bond with his innocent, naive mentor, Xiao Long Nu, who has literally lived in seclusion in the Ancient Tomb to practice her martial arts.

The original James Dean rebel without a cause, Yang Guo remains one of Jin Yong's best loved fictional characters. Despite being literally entombed for part of his young life, Yang Guo himself turns out to be crafty, brash, unconventional and most of all unpredictable - and yet an utterly charming fellow who manages to bewitch the heart of every maiden who comes his way. Somehow though despite being separated from Xiao Long Nu due to unfortunate circumstances ( and obviously the machinations of those who wish them apart ), the impossibly loyal Yang Guo remains hopelessly and steadfastly in love with his chosen one despite the lures of other lesser females. I'm more than a little in love myself.

Despite the corny summary that I've just subjected you guys to, the story itself is far more complex and intricate than the paltry bits I've just outlined. So intriguing is this story that after the short span of a few years, there is always a new version of the story being filmed somewhere in the Chinese diaspora. Apart from the host of contrasting personalities populating the book and the intrigues that bind them, there is of course the stunning high-flying martial arts sequences that have always remained a highlight of the wuxia genre.


Come try my Jade Maiden Heart's Swordsplay!
Oddly enough when I first met Big Bicep Barry, he mentioned a particular fondness for Jin Yong's novels. Perhaps it really is my imagination but I think Barry's right in saying that every guy who's been in a chinese medium school ( well the ones I know! ) seems to have read one of Jin Yong's martial arts novels. Amazing but true! In this part of the world, it seems almost like a rite of passage in a young chinese boy's life to go through the acrobatic stylings of his wuxia characters. Although fictional in nature of course, his books are often said to be a window into Chinese customs and culture - with references ranging from traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, music, calligraphy, philosophical thoughts and even hints at the the unfolding history of imperial China.

And of course the martial arts I mentioned before. Haven't read it of course but Barry assures me that the books are filled to the brim with extremely detailed though improbable feats of martial arts prowess by harnessing some sort of inner strength. Easy enough to understand the fascination since who hasn't actually thought about slamming a Five Fingered Fist of Death at a leering enemy. Or testing out the Jade Dragon Neck Twisting Technique on a Bountiful Betty ( okay, that's just me of course! ).

Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to read any of his books. My comprehension of Chinese words has become dismally rusty after years of disuse - and it wouldn't surprise me if a mere primary student ( and a sadly stupid one at that ) could easily surpass me. Maybe Barry could read me some bedtime stories :) If not I shall have to threaten the use of the Paralyzing Thumb of Death!

Jin Yong Reading Room
Divine Eagle, Gallant Knight