Monday, April 01, 2013

No Sex Please We're Chinese

Have to admit that the complicated sexual mores in a small town is far different from what I'm used to. Used to being dubbed the straightlaced fuddy-duddy conservative in the city when it comes to raunchy sexcapades, it surprises me to find that I'm far more tolerant of such unorthodox practices here. In comparison to the more cautious, discreet fellows here, I'm practically a wild child.

Unlike the more judgemental locals here who prefer their wanton affaires carried out behind closed doors if at all possible. In a near incestuous little town where everyone is somehow related to each other in one way or another, it is important to maintain at least a respectably befitting facade - happily married with two and a half kids in a semi-detached suburban home with ironwood fences - despite the fact that scandalous extramarital affairs are shockingly common.

Full of simmering red-blooded passions beneath the dull vanilla veneer of suburban life. Think Desperate Housewives Borneo Style.

Seems that the old-fashioned small town prejudice holds for the homosexuals as well.

Paul : Hey you know that fella?
Patrick : Yeah, I do. We don't like him though.
Paul : Oh. Treated you bad, did he?
Patrick : No, he's a pretty decent guy.
Paul : Then why don't you like him?
Patrick : He's just so... kinky. 
Paul : Kinky? 
Patrick : He likes to ogle men in the swimming pool and pick them up. 
Paul : So? That's wildly common. 
Patrick : Well that's just... not the thing here.
Paul : What does his sleazy pick-up habits have to do with you?
Patrick : It's just ... not done.
Paul : So basically you dislike this fella for openly trying to pick up men in public while you condone others for discreetly doing the same online? 
Patrick : That's different!

Discrimination due to disgraceful dalliance?

Gay mafioso : That is not acceptable behaviour. We have to get rid of him.
Gay enforcer : Right. That is not how we do things here. 

Apparently fabulous homosexuals in the civilized wilds here have social rulebooks as well, ostensibly to limit overly flamboyant, wildly wanton behaviour. Seems you can be as raunchy as all get out on the naughty homosocial media - but God forbid you actually do all that in public! Especially in the public pools, parks or the parking lots. Simply unacceptable by the Local Board of Prim & Proper Fags who would apparently shun you for such a disreputable act of lasciviousness.

Or even more horrifying, brand you as a Slut - quite the worst punishment they can possibly mete out.

On further inquiry, unquestionably cautious, circumspect conduct is recommended by our tasteful homosocial arbiters. Like the sweetly innocent debutantes of the Victorian age, we have to at least pretend for all intents and purposes to be unquestionably chaste.

Guess I'd better warn Fabulous Felix about the recent prudish by-laws.


matt said...

i have to admit a double-standard on questions like this. i agree that it is definitely unseemly for a creepy old guy to ogle and try to pick up men at the local public swimming pool. But if he's handsome, well, can i have directions?

Tempus said...

Oh the norm. It's fine to cruise around in places, but its not HOT in some. Bleh, screw the rules. I'll do it the way I'm comfortable with. The straight way.

savante said...

Precisely my point, matt :) As long as they remain at ogling without undue advances, it should be alright.

Nothing wrong with a bit of cruising if you ask me, tempus. Just be safe.