Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Sex For Rent

Apparently I've been severely shortchanged when it comes to tenants for Netherfield.

Financial-wise I could have handled the entire rent all on my own but company-wise it would have bored me silly. With the prodigious vastness of the estate, Netherfield would have seemed almost cavernous if I hadn't acquired tenants to share with. No doubt pottering about all alone in a far from modest dwelling with more than four capacious rooms would have driven me slightly batty.

Or insanely paranoid.

Which is how I ended up with Kool Kat in her seriously spartan apartment opposite mine and Fabulous Felix up in a darkened garret of his own.

But rather than split rent, I should have insisted on a different way of payment via barter. Seems an enterprising fellow back in Klang Valley has come up with the most innovative idea, horny lil bugger offered rooms for free in exchange for sex.
I have a spare room i am willing to exchange for sex. i will prepared to give the room for free to any girl who agrees to the terms. It is great for female students aged 18- 23 only. 
Terms and conditions : 
- will allow sex with me daily 
- speaks english 
- very daring and fun 

Needless to say, anyone who answers the ad - essentially prostituting themselves for room and board - would have to be daring and fun.

Unclear if it's just a sophomoric prank but I'm pretty sure the controversial notice would be taken down by the administrators of the rental service. Love the unequivocal specifications for young females spelled out on the ad. Whoever said my straight brethren had gotten increasingly finicky when it comes to women! Apparently all this fellow needs is a fearless female with very little sexual inhibitions who happens to speak the language.

Pretty sure the rabid feminists would be up in arms even though it doesn't seem like to much to ask for. Think of the daily sexual allowance as free calorie-burning.

And it's not like the terms aren't already clearly spelled out.

Aww man, you mean it's time to pay the rent again? 

Damn, if I had known I would have placed such audacious ads before!

Surely I could specify hunky male students with sculpted arms and a tight ass, available almost daily for uninhibited sexual intercourse! Now that's the kinda rent I wouldn't mind getting. Seriously I don't even need them to speak a word of English, as long as they understood simple instructions via sign language. Not only room but would even consider covering board if the requirements were more than adequately met.

Hmm.. with a world-class university just a stone's throw away, surely there are itinerant students around here in search of a room!

Or perhaps I could work out new terms for Felix in lieu of rent. Didn't he whine over financial difficulties just last week?


sharman said...

Wouldnt it be friends with benefit with fab felix then? Or are you proposing a lil shades of gray???

savante said...

Hahaha, sharman. Let's see what he says.

quicksilverlining said...

Felix is more than a willing and eager participant in such a rental scheme, I assure you.