Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Closet Troubles

Coming out is certainly a slippery business. As you fumble over the wet spots, you never know exactly when you're gonna stumble and fall.

Unless you make the slip inadvertently in conversation.

Gordon : Hey! You free to talk?
Paul : Sure. How are you and the wife?
Gordon : Fine. Just wanted to hear from you. How's life? Seeing anyone?
Paul : Yeah.
Gordon : Oh?
Paul : There's this guy I've been seeing.
Gordon : Oh!
Paul : A guy. XY.
Gordon : Oh.
Paul : Think I told you that before. You still don't sound shocked, by the way.
Gordon : I think I kinda guessed when you praised my wife's earrings for matching her fabulous shoes. Usually guys don't reach that far vertically when they're looking at a woman.
Paul : Oh.

Shows that it's sometimes quite possible to come out twice to the same person.

Straight guys don't have much of a problem when it comes to their sexuality. There's certainly no need for them to ever come out of the closet since everyone already expects the obvious. Hell, mindless drooling over humps and lovely lady lumps - and then making like a booty nomad is almost a badge of their obvious virility. Before a guy settles down to responsibility and family, society at large expects a man to sow his wild oats - and heaps admiring, half-envious accolades on the most diligent farmers. As Louisa May Alcott once wrote...
Boys will be boys, young men must sow their wild oats, and women must not expect miracles.

Certainly not the first time I've said this but for most gay men, every day is a coming out day. Telling the neighbour. Telling the butcher ( trust me, strike it up when he's not holding that sharp cleaver! ). Telling the Haagen Dazs hunk ( and hopefully getting his number if he's a member of the familia ). After all, no one really expects that touch of deviant pink in the average joe - and it always comes as a faint surprise, occasionally tinged with a touch of distaste ( unfortunately! ). At times I don't have much of a choice on whether to reveal myself since my blog has gained some little notoriety. Fortunately those that I've spoken to have proven surprisingly accepting - certainly a good sign that Asian youths have gotten more tolerant of alternative sexualities.

Deeo thoughts!
No apologies. No regrets...

But for the guy who's thinking of coming out to his friends - yeah, Sammy Sunboy, I'm talking to ya - it all depends. Revealing that hidden yet insanely fabulous side of you can be an extreme relief since carrying the heavy burden of secrecy can be quite tiring at times - but I also recall a certain poignant Brian Kinney quote I heard a little while back.

Unless I'm fucking you, it is none of your business.

Makes perfect sense once you think about it.



it sure is. kinney is right.

matrianklw said...

Oh gosh, I never knew saying stuff like, "Your earrings matches your shoes," can give away the hidden identity! Seriously. I've never fell short of comments, praises and compliments to girls and I certainly mean it when I say, "Ooh, love the bag, love the shoe! Orange, great colour by the way! I loooove orange!" Guess I've always been a member of the "familia" all along. =). Still, I'm staying in my closet for now but I won't stop loving bright orange!

Sue said...

I adored Gale in QAF. He is now in a new series called "Vanished" where he is an FBI agent looking for a kidnapped Senator's wife. It is so strange to see him all serious with a gun. I expect him any moment to make a pass at some hot agent or eye an inmate. The show is nowhere near as good as QAF, but it is an opportunity to see Gale work.

Dave said...

'Coming out is never easy, but to a queer, everyday is a coming out day.'

I can't agree no more to the quote, for i believed that when you come out to your close friends/someone you trust, you will feel better. At least in someway, it makes you feel that you had been frank to him/her, so as to see whether they are true friends to you.

I come out to some close friends, and i am glad that, to those whom i come out with, i lose none of them. They remain close friends with me till today.

nyonyapenang said...

but alot of buzybodies believe it's their business to dig deeper.

hrugaar said...

Sorry, can't agree on every day is a coming out day. I don't feel the need to tell everyone everything about myself - most of the time it's irrelevant anyway.

That doesn't mean I'm a complete closet case, or advocate 100% secrecy (yeah, that would be a burden!). I just am who I am, and people can put two and two together and puzzle out the riddle if they want to, heh.

Jon said...

I think that living in closet blocks that ray of sunshine happiness. Often looking back to see if people know, or laughing at oneself. I come out - based on the need-to-know basis.

It's fun to talk to the girls about cute guys.

Oh yeah. I miss Brian.

Anonymous said...

I am a flawed gay man when it comes to looking at women's shoes. My friends would always gush about the color, texture, detail of a pair they see on someone. But when they ask me again what I thought of them, I would just say, "It's ok. It's black."

Annie said...

I agree with hrugaar. It's nobody's business unless you want to share it. Personally, I'd like to know because sometimes I can't tell if the guy is interested in me or my shoes. If he's interested in me, I'll have to clear up some boundaries = Me = married; but if he's only interested in my shoes and my earrings, well then, BRING IT ON! we can talk all night! LOL!

Ban said...

Hurray, advice for...for... heck, what funny name have you given the poor guy???

I think he should stay silent if he's uncertain.

famezgay said...

well every single behavior we did already show we are a gay! ahaha if other ppl is soo good in recognised gay, they should have know by seeing how we behave eh! uhmnn.. therefore Yes to everyday is a coming out day ahaha!

Rick Bettencourt said...

That's a great QAF quote.

QuaVadis said...

True True, bunch of busybodies around, poking here and there and the worst part are those who stalks u just to see if u make the wrong moves? WTF? Get a life hahaha

thompsonboy said...

I felt like the luckiest person around. Never had problem coming out since high school then to college and now at work. Actually at work, I didnt have to say anything. They just assume that I am gay. It does help when there's a few of them here and it's an industry that seen it all.

ça va pas la tête said...

They do that all the time. They can never really understand. Sigh.. I tried many times before telling a friend of mine.

Jemima said...

Some ppl really can't mind their own business. :(

Anyway, ppl will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

That's my 2 sens. ;)

Anonymous said...

cool, especially what Kinney said. I guess everyday is coming out day.

Colin said...

Me, I don't have a choice... My mom walked in my room when my army boyfriend was *ahem* busy waking me up.

Oh well, its really none of any one's business why this 30yo is still single and available. Oh yes, he dressed too well and doesn't seem to be into girls.. *giggle*

envy said...

mmmm well coming out isnt much appreciated so i try not to come out for each person i see so it must be very comfortable if they ever understand...and accept! Its like i'm playing a game and i have things i shouldnt or better not to say them whenever i want to talk to a girl or a guy...for girls its nice to say compliments yet not too much, like what u just said about the shoes thing..for guys same dont get too gayish talk about cars and more manly things, sports maybe not cooking...Its silly but it keeps u in the closet...I tried coming out to some of my university firneds, they didnt mind it maybe cause we were never that close...They said they had no IDEA!


asm@di said...

compliment to great outfits/accessories is a must! in fact, i always have this urge to tell strangers "I love your (insert item here)" the only thing stopping me is people may give me a funny look, hehehe

as for coming out:
my close friends: yes
my family: nevah! (too much complication there)
co-workers: those who can handle it
cyberspace: yes (me anonymous no?)

oh, and i do miss kinney and his attitude!

Steven said...

A pretty good quote from a pretty stupid television character.

savante said...

Totally agree, shah.

It does, matt... and believe me if you keep saying that, I doubt you're actually in the closet :)

Yeah, sue. Got the picture above from his new series vanished.

I'm golad too that I came out to some of my friends too, dave. makes things that much easier sometimes.

Lots of snoops around after all, nyonya!

You're Brian, ru! :P

I miss Brian too, jon.

GASP! Some are really obvious, mark. The shoes, I mean.

Ooh, let's talk all night then, Annienienieieie...

It's a cute name, Dan!

But not everyone can confirm that opinion, famezgay. Some guys who act that way aren't actually homosexual.

One of my fave quotes, rick.

Believe me they are around, quavadis.

Ah, the advertising industry. You are lucky, thompsonboy.

Hope they took it well, ca va.

Thanks, jemima.

True enough, josh.

What's that bit about the army boyfriend again, colin? :P

Sometimes it isn't all that obvious, envy.

Yeah, but he's acting in a new series, asmadi.

I love the quote, steven!


hrugaar said...

Think Brian gets laid a bit more often than I do, paul. A lot more la. :oD

CR said...

I agree with you, coming out is a life long process.

A group I worked with sponsors a "Coming Out Workshop". Where we teach you that coming out is a life long process. We teach this to both the LGBT and the straight community.

Sam said...

LOL... my first reaction from friends was: "You're bi? Oh..."

That was it.

I was even more shocked than they were!