Thursday, March 29, 2012

Vagina Dialogues

Get yourself shut in with an entirely female crew and you'll get your listener's share of traumatizing periods and monstrous bazongas. Since shutting my ears muttering la-la-la repeatedly is simply out of the question, I simply ignore their astonishingly frank female chatter as much as I can.

Though sometimes they still make me blush! As if their shockingly blunt speech - and totally unreserved, utterly inappropriate choice of subject matter - wasn't mentally scarring enough for me, my nurses had to take it one step further.

Nurse #1 : Wow, look at that! How did it get so dark?
Nurse #2 : Yeah, mine's definitely not that dark.
Nurse #1 : Certainly not that pigmented. But mine's a bit more curved.
Nurse #2 : Less hair certainly.
Nurse #1 : Obviously they have something against shaving.
Nurse #2 : Maybe I should take a look at mine again.
Nurse #1 : With a mirror? You can borrow my compact.
Paul : If I had a vagina, I'd be depressed.

Obviously with their overwhelming numbers, the nurses sometimes forget I'm just standing there. Me. A man. Without a vagina.

And yes, that was a brief dialogue about their respective vaginas. Or should I say the labial region. Always so surprising to see how women bond over their physical similarities and differences without even a fearful hint of homophobia.

David Gandy
If you talk about my balls, I'm gonna have to hit you!

Obviously blithely unconcerned with the entire female genital area, gay boys with little recollection of secondary school biology would have zero inkling about what I'm talking about. To put that into perspective, the near direct equivalent would be having two strapping fellows in the showers talking about the colouring of their scrotums.

Seriously I have a peculiar preference for spectacularly low-hanging balls but that hasn't led me to effusively compliment another gentleman on his swinging good fortune. Or whether he enjoys a bit of tea-bagging. Though I can be pretty ballsy, I still have some sense of self-preservation after all! No doubt before I've finished my unrestrained words of praise, I'd have gotten an uncomplimentary fist in my eye.


William said...

I'll ask Cheryl to comment.

ooi2009 said...

now thats a picture worth looking at now!wish can put a hand into those boxers

john chen hui long said...

you have impeccable manners. and way with words. i could actually fall for you. :-)

savante said...

Making her own vagina monologue, william?

Totally agree with that, ooi.

Thanks, john!


Kenny Mah said...

Oh there's a very easy to stop them from vaxing lyical about their vaginas (sorry, couldn't help myself, even if I had to resort to a typo to achieve it) - just join in!

I have observed once a man start chatting them up about their lady parts, they basically get bashful and change the topic willingly enough.

Of course, I've never had to try this with a team of nurses before. :P

savante said...

Seriously underestimating the nurses, kenny! :) Once they start talking about the vaginas, they can really start expounding on their periods, tampons and uteruses.

GVP said...

I guess vet nurses are not dissimilar. One occasion, they are talking about giving birth and how their uterus felt really weird, then they moved into bra colour. I had to leave while my mentality was still intact.