Seems the infamous Kinsey scale might be getting it all wrong since everywhere I turn around these days, every guy seems to be coming out of the closet with a big jazzy flourish. Only less than 10 percent exclusively homosexual? With the homosexuals creeping out of the repressive shadows - even here in the lil town of Homosexoil, I am starting to think the numbers are woefully underrepresented.
Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so. Accidentally outed before he was ready for the big reveal, Jager Johnson found himself dealing with a full week's worth of rage, resentment and recrimination.
Mother : Surely the one on the right?
Johnson : No, mother, he's not gay.
Mother : The one on his left?
And then his overwrought mother turned to paranoia as a way of dealing with the wholly unwelcome revelation.
Mother : OMG Your friend is single.
Johnson : So?
Mother : Well, he must be gay!
Johnson : Not everyone's gay.
Mother : But he's rich, good-looking, eligible.. and yet still single! He must be gay.
Johnson : Mother!
Mother : Wait, I think I saw him with a woman. Twice.
Johnson : That doesn't make him straight either.
Mother : Aiyo! Why so difficult la!
Johnson : What is difficult!
Mother : Now I think everyone's gay!
Can't say I'd blame Johnson's mother. Even with a semi-functioning gay-dar, sometimes it can be almost impossible to pick out the flaming fags from amongst the bland heterosexual crowd since most of us have been repeatedly indoctrinated since childhood to blend in as much as possible.
And let's not even add in the confusing metrosexuals!
Like the scary night-time bogeymen, homosexuals seek to be cropping up everywhere. With the numbers allegedly on the rise, perhaps the fanatical religious conservatives are right to get wildly hysterical - and homosexuality really is an infectious viral disease! Hell, even the religious mullahs have been afflicted with a similarly treacherous strain as a couple has recently been caught molesting a nubile teenage scholar.