Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Moans & Groans


Cain : Oh yeah you can do it.
Abel : It's too hard. I can't take it anymore.
Cain : Almost all in! Push it, push it.
Abel : Oh God, this is painful!
Cain : You're near the end! Oh yeah. Harder!

Liberally interspersed with lusty moans and groans that wouldn't be out of place in a surprisingly spirited scene straight out of illicit pornography.

Let's be honest, I'll admit I'm a sucker for little deep-throated moan and groan. Having a reticent partner lying dead in bed like an unresponsive cold fish can be highly uninspiring. There's nothing quite like an involuntary moan from a frustrated lover ( tied up? ) brought temptingly close to the edge to arouse the senses.

But that's in the relative privacy of the bedroom.

Certainly not in the wide-open, shared space of the gymnasium.

David Gandy
Fellow : You mean you'd prefer me to keep quiet?
Paul : Unless you'd prefer to be bound and gagged at my mercy?
Fellow : Umm...

Yet you'll find quite a few of these burly fellows reenacting exhaustive scenes from gay porn right beside the machines and the bench press. Yes, I mean the hardcore weight lifters. If I keep my eyes well shut, the hearty sounds I hear wouldn't be out of place on the soundtrack of red-blooded Japanese gay porn sans the words iku and kimochi sprinkled into the gratifyingly vocal conversation.

Look, I know lifting heavy weights can be an awful pain but surely it can't be as agonizing as a pregnant mother wailing in the tormented throes of labour. Because honestly that's what the moans and groans sound like!

And I doubt anything can be quite as painful as heaving nine pounds of healthy baby out of your spasm-wracked body.

Alright, it's a free space, and certainly not a library, so some leeway should be expected. Express yourself if you must. Handling a deadlift and the variations thereof with a little bit of huff and puff is quite acceptable - but screeching high enough to wake the neighbours isn't. Unless you're actually reenacting gay porn whereupon I shall drop everything to be an accomodating observer.

And voluntary fluffer if need be.

Just my gripe of the week. Might as well get headphones.

5 comments:

GVP said...

I almost fell off my chair when I read iku and kimochi, haha.

Tempus said...

yea, even gym class instructors do moan ya know! haha when I brought my best girl friend with me for one of the class, she told me its as if he was moaning like he got farked.

Funniest part, I found out he was married with a daughter after the class xD

Little Dove said...

the moaning gives you the extra energy to lift another ounce of heavy weights. it's true!

savante said...

Obviously you've heard it before, gvp :)

Like I said, a bit of moaning is alright. When it's loud enough to shake the rafters, then something is very wrong, tempus and lil dove.

Janvier said...

Have you heard a women's tennis match?