Monday, March 19, 2012

Father of the Bride

Or groom as the case may be.

Before I get to the fathers, I gotta say I love weddings. Though I might be the exception.

Rather than being the wonderfully ecstatic affair we're all used to, the very thought of weddings these days brings the chills to my otherwise happily affianced peers. Quite a few have even briefly entertained the notion of a surreptitious elopement. Supposedly infinitely preferable to facing what comes with a traditional wedding; unruly congregation of drunken relatives, endlessly bickering in-laws and worst of all, the shockingly exorbitant bill that comes at the end of the entire painful ruckus.

Which put a pained crease on my usually smooth brow.

Okay, there's nothing much you can do about boorish relations and quarrelling families. Play the ever-smiling politically-correct diplomat if you wish but resolving such prickly issues is gonna take a long, long time.

But what about the bill? After all, relatively few young couples can actually scrape together enough funds to cover the costs of an extravagant wedding celebrations. Frankly I'm used to the doting parents footing the whole bill for the wedding. That's practically an ingrained tradition in my family. Or at least the more cash-strapped parents would offer to offset the entirety with a little financial subsidy.

David Gandy
Bride : Dammit, how do we pay for all these guests!
Groom : Isn't your father paying?
Bride : I thought your father agreed to pay!
Groom : Oh shit.

Turns out I'm the only one who thinks that way.

Seems like parents offering to pay has become an outmoded, anachronistic custom for most of my independent-minded peers. But really, isn't it logical since most of the invited guests would be friends of the parents anyway? Or have the stingy parents never thought of this appropriately chilling scenario?

Father : Oh, we're not paying for the wedding dinner.
Child : No problem, dad.
Father : We'll give you a list of the people we want to invite next week.
Child : List? What list? You're not inviting anyone.
Father : Why not?
Child : Because you're not footing the bill. Sorry, dad, but your friends aren't invited.

Oh, imagine the outrage.

Are the duties of the father of the bride / groom changing?

When did the parents get away from having to foot the bill? Was there an internal memo passed around the Parental Units Convention when I wasn't looking? Or perhaps they adhere to the more modern notion of thinking that grown-up children are impossibly selfish if they expect their aging parents to foot the bill at the expense of depleting their retirement funds!

Seriously. It's quite simple actually. Our grandparents managed it for our parents. As they will then offer to do for us. And yes, by God, I shall cobble enough cash for my kids when it's their turn. So why are people trying to escape such familial responsibilities?


rotiboy said...

Hmm I thought it has always been the responsibility of the couples for the bills. It has always been like that among my relatives. The parents may support a little financially but the person who is paying ultimately is the groom. I guess each family has its own tradition on this matter.

savante said...

But that also means the groom gets to decide who are the guests, rotiboy!

rotiboy said...

Oh actually in my family, the guests are decided collectively by the couple and both sides' parents. A child definitely cannot decline the father from inviting anyone in the way the child in the conversation does.

malimo said...

wah, I should have decided who the guests are for my brother's wedding since I was the one paying the bills

damn it. I wasnt even invited.

DeluSion said...

I never thought about who paying the bills. Subconsciously I believe the person getting married should pay. But...hmm....if the parents insist on inviting their friends and guests (especially if it's a LONG list!) I think it's only fair and nice of them to share the bill.

Tempus said...

aiyar, if we talk about bills, sure jeopardize relations one.

ngor dei gong sum mm gong gam~

apparently la.

but I think it really goes around circumstantially with different families. Some might pay, some might not. some may insist that the parents wish to contribute in someways.