Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Irish Catholic Guilt

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

Quite the worst possible ending a torrid one-night-stand could possibly have. Imagine getting up the morning after only to find your erstwhile lover kneeling at the end of the bed confessing a multitude of sins. Previous night's mindless orgy included with a muttered string of Hail Marys.

Call!
I'd certainly genuflect at his knees in adoration!

A surprisingly common occurrence in our multireligious country where Judaeo-Christian faiths, notoriously homophobic by nature, rule with an iron fist. Starting a relationship with one of the staunch, ultrareligious altar boys, despite how alluring they may be, comes fraught with unfathomable difficulties. Chief amongst them is the endless struggle they have with the abomination we call homosexuality. Takes but a simple snap of the fingers to have them renouncing their wicked, wicked ways only to run back to the holy arms of Jesus. Or even Mohammad.

Hence the guilt above. Is it any wonder quite a number of gay men turn their backs resolutely on organized religion?

However I never knew the unspeakable shame over depraved sex extends to heterosexual relationships as well. Much to the dismay of Torrid Tanya who found her new Irish beau going all Catholic guilt on her.


And I don't mean that in a good way - that being my favourite fantasy of a sexy naughty priest in white collar and black leather offering me eternal salvation in the form of profane acts of adulation. Bless me father indeed! Don't think Tanya would have minded that at all.

Tanya : It's actually kinda weird.
Paul : No worries. I've heard of the weirdest sex fetishes ever. Hit me.
Tanya : Well after he finishes the job so to speak, he screams out Holy Mother of God and Sweet Jesus when he comes, then makes the sign of the cross over me.
Paul : Did you bite his neck and drain his blood?
Tanya : I'm not a vampire.
Paul : Is he trying to convert you?
Tanya : Like that would work. Wish he'd credit me for the orgasm rather than random religious icons!
Paul : Worship you instead? Maybe to him, you already are the Holy Trinity! Probably Mother, Daughter and the Holy Spirit!

Not exactly the happy ending Tanya had imagined.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

And worse, it's not a one-off, so I have to endure it... as Kelly Clarkson sang, again, and again, and again!!?!

Hdaran said...

Did he know you were awake or did you just catch him off-guard? Would've been better if you'd slept a little while longer had the latter situation take place...

Anonymous said...

awake! Every. Damn. Fucking. Time! But since the whole Catholic Guilt sex is amazing, I absolve him. Lol!

savante said...

Surprised you found the blog, tanya! :) Well at least the sex is amazing so it's worth it to be prayed over.

Of course she would be awake, hdaran! Don't think she could sleep through all that.

P