Monday, May 16, 2011

Misdemeanour of Maid Mumbles

Over here, society fêtes seem to be the proper occasion to share the difficulties of running an estate, no matter how small or trivial the botheration! Since I moved into Netherfield, the neighbours have only been to eager to fill my ears with every bit of idle gossip in the county.

Especially horrific tales of the domestic help in these parts!

Turns out the new maid Maid Mumbles has had a prior employment history that's quite the hair-raiser. Several of her previous working relationships have soured from her unfortunate predisposition to inflict her numerous household melodramas on the hapless employers. Encumbered by disreputable relations nagging for handouts, the little minx has been spinning weepy tales of woe to her former employers - hoping to get just that little bit of compassion in the form of monetary compensation.

Of course I tried my best to ignore such atrocious rumours dismissing them as pure conjecture. Only to have Maid Mumbles return to her usual tricks.

Maid : A moment of your time, sir?
Paul : Mother of God. The rumours are true.

Which is how she caught me - this very morning just as I was leaving for the driveway - her calloused hands still grubby from polishing the silver. Despite garbling every other sentence she utters into unintelligible gobbledygook, Maid Mumbles certainly came through loud and clear when it came to her risky financial misadventures.

Paul : And what can I do for you, Mumbles?
Maid : Sir, could I have an advance this month? I've got a real need with plenty of mouths to feed. My poor papa's just been laid off from the mines.
Paul : I'm terribly sorry, m'dear but my entire credit flow is tied up in the running of the estate.
Maid : The Netherfield Estate?
Paul : Yes, don't listen to the gossip but the flow is actually a miserable trickle.
Maid : Perhaps I could ask the other tenants?
Paul : Felix and Kat? *chuckle* By all means ask.

The impertinence of the help these days! Though I truly wish her well in trying to squeeze a proper penny from them. Lucky if she doesn't get a proper shelling from the miserly Kat.

Although if Mumbles had been more manly... perhaps a strapping young farmboy, I would have been far more eager in granting such wishes! Probably have a pleasant barter in return for unspeakable services rendered.


Ban said...

surprised u didn't just pretend not to hear her, lol. But if you say no enough times, I think she'll get the idea. Start asking if she needs help managing her finances perhaps, say... by opening an account in her name which most of her salary goes into every month to save up until the end of her employment.

savante said...

DOn't know if she won't just fly the coop in a second, ban. Will keep her on for a while more.