Leave Your Crocs at Home

Really. What happened to dress codes?

I know work culture has become shockingly casual these days but since when has it become acceptable to strut around in crocs at work! Even more astonishing to see Nervous Nancy clambering up the stairs in startling pink ones.

Paul : Good God. What are those?
Nancy: Crocs?
Paul : You're going to sail the wards in these boats?
Nancy : Yes, they are comfortable.
Paul : And looking terribly professional, I might add. Please stand five feet away from me, okay.
Nancy : Oh, you want me to change to sandals instead?
Paul : Let me remind you, sandals are not shoes.

Seriously. What shockingly egalitarian, fashionably lax convent did she go to? Have the wicked mean girls taught her exactly nothing? There seems to be some slight confusion as to what shoes are appropriate to wear with a skirt at work. Pumps, stilettos, flats - all seem perfectly fine.

But colourful plastic clogs?

Sorry, darling.


Clogs? Really.
Of course their avowed proponents - including our very own Nervous Nancy in their overzealous ranks - keep raving deludedly about how the overpriced plastic foam molds perfectly to the contours of their feet making it surprisingly comfy. But seriously? What a croc! Comfortable? Have you ever tried walking in these ridiculous plastic clogs? If I didn't have to do so at work to avoid falling metal instruments, I would throw them in the garbage disposal.

And let's not bring up how hideous they really are. I'm sure this one quote should suffice.

Since beauty and impracticality often go hand in hand, it seems likely that many will have taken one look at the Croc and decided that it must be incredibly practical.

Far from the arbiter of personal style so I grant you the right to wear it out anywhere you want. After all it comes in so many unfashionable styles and garish colours these days. Croc lovers with their indiscriminate predilection for silly shoes have worn them to beaches, to malls and to gala society events.

But to work? Really. Fuck casual Fridays. We have to draw the line somewhere. Now if Nancy starts buying jibbitz, I just might have to strangle her.

And throw away her shoes.