New in Town

Always been a dedicated city boy through and through so it hasn't been easy adjusting to life here. Don't be fooled by the high-falutin city tag - for all intents and purposes, it's still a cosy hamlet albeit with surprising pockets of urbanized culture. The simple pleasures afforded by a small town with its lil cafes, neighbourhood stores and narrow lanes just doesn't seem to interest me all that much.

Gimme the traffic, smog and unfriendly city folk anytime.


Of course nature has its peculiar way of getting its own back by handing me the horrible choking haze instead.

Fortunately a light shower has cleared the hazy air allowing the small town to return to its slow humdrum routine.

Tips for an urbanite to survive in a small town

1) Throw away your clock. Get a sundial instead

Don't even think of staying up late in a small town. The sleepy locals set a different clock here based on daylight savings time! So expect to be woken up by glaring sunlight ( oh heavens! I'm burning! ) at an ungodly hour of the morning and in the reverse, kindly expect to be tossed out of a closing restaurant at about 9 pm. And unless you favour dingy, disreputable bars, forget about late-night suppers.

Obviously the suspicious locals don't trust these newfangled inventions called electric lamps. Who's to trust something that came about just a few years back? Better to trust in the sun.

2) Drive slow and walk slow

Not that many places to go in town so there's never a rush. Driving at a fast and furious pace in a circle around the city only takes all off ten minutes. Trust me. I tried. Now I know why Charming Calvin plods along with the rest of the country slowpokes.

And honestly they really don't know how to use roundabouts, swerving recklessly from one lane to the next without much thought. Do they think they are riding on crazy whirling teacups in Disney World? In the real world, the cups do smash and break.

3) Time your work to finish by 4


Damn. What am I gonna do today?
At least if you want to get anything done. The majority of shops here close by 5. Don't ask me why. Who do they expect to be walking about purchasing items during th usual 9-to-5 working hours? Layabouts? Housewives? Bartenders? So you have me speeding off from work ( fortunately I work through lunch so the hours compensate ) just to settle bills and stuff.

4) Expect leisurely meals

Seriously. Waiters here are a privileged bunch. From the surly waitress I got in Tudan to the bubbly blonde bimbo ( at least she's blonde inside! ) who handed me the wrong orders with a giggle in Morsjaya. Not only do they mess up the orders, they also get the prices hopelessly confused - and by god they really do take their time sending the meal.

Seriously. Don't crawl in from the burning desert expecting instant meals! These provincial folks live on small-town time so expect to wait.

For a really long time.

5) Expect crabby service

Despite what you hear about sweet country hospitality ( certainly a myth! ), the local salespeople here don't seem to have received that particular memo. Far from being friendly, most shopkeepers here seem a lil pissed to be at work. Resentment seems rife in the air so begrudging service is what you get at best. Don't even hope for a smile.

God forbid you leave the shop without purchasing anything.

Then again, maybe they just have it in for city boys.