Fraternal Bonding

Although it's very much exaggerated, sudsy soap operas actually draw inspiration from the gritty real-life dramas happening around us. As I grow older ( and much less wiser ), I find myself inundated daily with tales of cheating spouses, wicked stepparents and even long-lost siblings. Seriously. It's not all salacious fodder for the desperate housewives tuning in during teatime.

Even I have an uncle with a penchant for polygamy - and a minibusload of stepcousins ( legitimate or otherwise ) to show for it.

No surprise then to find that two of my friends actually have secret step-siblings finally creeping out of the family closet! Which is why the question of a hunky long-lost sibling came into play ( aen't they all required by soap opera law to be gorgeous? ).

Jared : It would be nice if my step-brother was really handsome too.
Paul : You want a handsome brother? But why? You can't tap that fraternal ass!
Jared : That's not a problem. Well I'd be proud to have such a good-looking brother!
Paul : Proud?!

Seriously. They broke the sweetie pie mould when they made Jaunty Jared. Such a nice fella that it tickles me each time I recall he actually has a mortal enemy actively planning his demise.

But a hypothetical stepbrother for me?

After the initial shock and anger wears off with the prerequisite hysteria and doorslams, I think I'm of an age where I'd be somewhat tolerant of any past extramarital affairs on my parents' part. Hey I was never a saint so I doubt I'd cast any stones. Hell I'd probably be the first to extend a hand of friendship to this unknown stranger. Would probably be damned pleased with the fact since I've always yearned for an inordinately large family.


In case you've forgotten what Chris looks like!
Of course if my baseborn stepbrother turned out looking like Chris Evans, the first thing I'd be would be frustrated as hell. Certainly wouldn't be as pleased as Jared to have a hunk for a brother - since I'd be pretty damned mad that the gorgeous genes actually passed me by without a glance! Swimming in almost the same gene pool, he turns out looking like something out of a glossy magazine and I look like week-old recycled newspaper dragged in by the stray cat?

Proud? No, I wouldn't be that generous if I were suddenly relegated to being the ugly stepbrother. But since I've lived with that Cinderella nightmare for years, I'd get over it I'm sure.

Then I'd be doubly frustrated by the fact that I'd be effectively barred from laying my dirty lil hands on my brother, the hottie Chris-Evans lookalike. Sex with a stepbrother? Flowers in the Attic fantasies aside, I doubt I'd seriously consider indulging in an incestuous relationship.

Hmm. Then again, it's Chris Evans. I'd risk hellfire to tap that ass! And as two guys, we wouldn't risk giving birth to any inbred mutants anytime soon. It could be like a kinky family initiation rite. Fraternal bonding night.

Chris : You mean it's usual for guys to sleep naked together in your family?
Paul : Yeah, it's tradition. And we save electricity - help save the world and all that. Dad's pretty big on that.
Chris : Like the hot shower you insisted on sharing with me?
Paul : Yeah.
Chris : Alright, if you say so.
Paul : It gets pretty cold too so we might have to cuddle and share body heat.
Chris : Don't we have a heater?
Paul : Family tradition? Save the world?
Chris : Okay.

Wonder whether my dad has any illegitimate kids stashed somewhere.