Sunday, May 03, 2009

Days of Wine and Tosses

Being a prince charming isn't as easy these days.

Not only do you have to contend with the increasing complexities ( and increasingly high-maintenance! ) of distressed damsels these days, the gauntlets run to win the fair heart seem to get ever more hazardous to the mind, body and the heart.

And yes, to the wardrobe as well.

Certainly no easy task for Lissome Lorelei's new beau, Stubbled Sam. Especially since one of the labours laid out for him requires that he gets liberally splashed with wine by a wandering socialista bitch.

Seriously.

Marriage
You know how hard it is to get wine out of a white shirt?

In the single bars, there are plenty of irreclaimable bastards you'd consider a clear candidate for being doused in Sauvignon Blanc - but somehow wine showers seem to be few and far between. Hardly anyone takes the trouble to splash vintage wine in your face to make a point these days. Such hysterical melodramatics - with warring bitches slinging cocktails - seem better confined to the realm of third-grade Venezuelan soap operas!

At least that's what I thought.

Even then tossing wine on someone should only be deemed socially acceptable if the bastard has done something absolutely unforgivable such as adultery. Certainly not something as inconsequential as an accidental nudge.

Sam : Terribly sorry. I apologize.
Bitch : How dare you push me. You bastard.
Sam : I apologize.
Bitch : I don't care. You're lying. Take this wine!
*Splosh*

Seriously. You'd have thought that Sam had gone between the sheets with her best friend - and her sister.

Obviously unintentionally bumping against a lady in a bar bears far more disastrous consequences than I imagined. Though I think calling her a lady is actually stretching it.

The wine toss always seems like a particularly feminine trick. Fellas don't go around christening their erstwhile foes with wine when a fist to the eye does the same trick. With far more satisfaction. I'm just amazed that the lady had so little regard for her own safety ( to confront Sam who's easily twice her puny size ) since she could have easily gotten a black eye herself. Liquid courage no doubt.

Seriously. It would have served her right if Sam accidentally walloped her.

Sam : Oops. Was that your face? I thought it was the back of the chair.

You don't always have to be a prince charming after all.

8 comments:

the viennamese said...

Gentlemen. They have it hard and rough. And they still take it from
'ladies' without hurling fists, cuz they're gentlemen. They're a rare species these days :)

Legolas said...

Bitches who think they can do whatever they want deserve a wallop to let them know they ain't the bitchiest in town. I have no respect for such person, whether she's drunk or not.

savante said...

Rare indeed, evann! She's lucky she found a gentleman instead of a scoundrel who'd have walloped her.

Agreed, Legolas!

P

Medie007 said...

there's only a certain level of patience.

Kaio said...

Hey,
Have a wonderful bank holiday,
Cheers from London
Kaio
www.meltingduvets.blogspot.com

.:: Ant ::. said...

Some women like it rough. Bring out the whip!

+Ant+

V said...

and i tot this is abt sam nasser~ LOL

well, splashing wine is the oldest trick to bitch on someone!

but if we spill on a hunk, it's definitely something sexual ;P

savante said...

Before the wallop, medie? :) Totally agree!

Thanks, kaio!

If only she did like it, anton!

Wouldn't spill it, B :) I think we'd lick it off slowly.

P