As much as I'd love to rail against such a unfair accusation, it's getting pretty hard to deny the evidence. In the space of at least six months, I've seen quite a number of supposedly sturdy relationships crumble and fall under the veriest whiff of a storm. As a statistic in comparison with our breeder brothers, it's starting to look really bad.
Time to raze the building!
So why do we fail?
Maybe it's the fact that most of us can be pretty sophomoric in our search for love. Let's face it, when it comes to relationships, we're still kids. Our straight brethren might have worked through their rampant teenage hormones with furtive high school gropes way before their early twenties but for some of us gay men - in our thirties even - we're just beginning to troll the bars in search of that elusive thing called love. Men just out of the proverbial closet with the dating mores of a horny impatient post-adolescent at a dating buffet.
Is it any wonder that we find ourselves splitting up and getting back together as often as the fickle schoolgirls in Gossip Girl do? With quite as little permanence?
Just like those teenagers we abandon our relationships far too easily - giving up on the entire structure at the first sign of adversity. Thinking back, I must have done pretty much the same as well. We expect that solid stone castle to appear magically at the snap of our fingers without even putting in a single hard day's work building the proper foundation. Then just one stone out of place, a squeaky door, a broken window - and we're rushing in with sticks of dynamite to demolish the place.
But just like any brick-and-mortar building, a relationship needs daily upkeep, the occasional renovation and lots of TLC to keep from crumbling to dust.
11 comments:
Tell me about it. I'm in my mid 20s and still haven't gone for a date!
Hmmmmmmm. >.<
"Maybe it's the fact that most of us can be pretty sophomoric in our search for love."
That's enlightening. Never thought of it that way. I'm doomed! Lol.
nope, can't agree with you, I'm a 48 year old in a relationship for the last 17 years (and married for the last 3, in Switzerland one can)and, although such a long commitment implies work, I strongly advise everyone to give it a try.
Whether gay or straight, humans have the same capacities for love or foolishness. Society and our own idiotic adolescent tactics (i.e. obsession for endless youth) makes us supposedly less capable to have and to keep...but don't believe the hype, love is the ultimate drug and we all are capable of it.
aye aye to all the things that you said, ultimately the sophomoric thought.
it's so true.
so true :D
What you'd posted struck a chord with lots of gay men. The idea of a soul mate varies from one to another as well. The usual thing is that we rushed into a relationship too easily perhaps out of sheer loneliness.
The pressures faced by many gay men such as age, looks and physique also contributed to our downfall. Until gay men can look beyond all that superficial ideals, I reckon it's still gonna be gloomy for a long lasting relationship in our community.
Gosh, i am already starting to think that the R-word doesnt exist anymore.
They say the fairer gender give sex to get love, while men give love to get sex.
Perhaps that's why gay relationships tend to fail.
Once the sex fizzles, there seems little reason to love anymore.
I've been with my man for almost 5 years now. We've worked it out. It was sophomoric, those early days, but time made us learn.
I read the last two paragraphs ten times. I really like the way you wrote about building strong and lasting relationships.
I believe great relationships do exist in the gay world - so to speak :) But they are so few - hardly enough for the rest of us to set as role models.
P
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