Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Start of Soho

The occasional fete with our closeted brothers here have become almost a weekly event - which thoroughly amuses me since frequent public association with notable fags such as Fabulous Felix and me certainly doesn't help dispel the vague homosuspicious miasma that surrounds them. Seriously. Pretty hard to convince any possible onlookers that a band of eligible bachelors would congregate at a cafe to nibble on cupcakes and salads whilst daintily wielding their tiny porcelain teacups; the topics of conversation running from the untested benefits of SKII to the laundry care of superfitting tight tees.

But it would take more self-awareness on the part of Prudent Patrick to realize that.

Guess sometimes these boys in the closet can't help but make us a tad irritated at times. There are times when we can be a bit impatient and far too dismissive about their concerns since we've pretty much wrestled - and successfully overcome - the very same demons ourselves. We've gone through pretty much the same needless worries and anxieties but we're also fortunate enough to know that things do get better.

Though it's getting ever so hard to convince them of that fact.

Patrick : OMG That's so gay!
Paul : You're far from straight yourself.
Felix : Yeah, get a mirror. 

Yet despite hiding in the deepest of dark, dank closets, our buddies here can still come up with the most peculiarly harebrained schemes such as the latest one where they've proposed opening a cafe catering exclusively to gay men. Clearly egged on by our latest member, a buff goliath of an entrepreneur I'm dubbing Samson Shorn.

Paul : So I assume it would be serving low-sodium, low-fat salads along with fat-free cupcakes? Playing disco diva music half the time?  
Patrick : Of course!
Paul : Display a rainbow flag at the door? With the servers all young muscular hunks dressed in tight white tees and super skimpy shorts?
Patrick : That might be a little too gay. 
Paul : But you would somehow advertise on the underground gayvine so there would be gay men there all the time.
Patrick : Hopefully! I'll be there too!
Paul : And you being there wouldn't strike anyone as suspicious? 
Patrick : Of course not. I can pass as straight.

At least that's what he erroneously thinks.

Not that I would entirely discount their idea. More actively happening stores in this bleak retail-dead town would be a blessing, even better if it was a store-within-a-cafe concept. Though the active closet cases would balk at the idea, I think hiring cute young male waiters would be a draw, just imagine dimpled Zac Efron sorts smarted up in crisp white shirts and plain black aprons to serve drinks. Pretty sure the girls and the gays would flock to that cafe.

And like they say, the rest will soon follow.

Hmm. Maybe I should invest. 

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