That Cunning Linguist

For folks like us, there's nothing sexier than an erudite well-read man.

Words are sexier than we give them credit for. Just a simple turn of phrase can be far more effective than half a dozen pages of rapturous sonnets, a padded wallet or even a well-flexed bicep. Ever tried flirtatious banter with someone quick enough to offer a snappy riposte?


Not the way these guys do it but trust me, it's sexy as hell.

Hell I think I spent hours in the past sending wicked lil messages to my ISO - certainly a cunning linguist - when he was abroad as a struggling student. Those were the ancient days before instant messaging via cellphone and simple, uncomplicated and archaic ICQ was all the rage. :) Of course these days we communicate through all sorts of channels.

Paul : I'd love to get you behind the office cubicles.
My ISO : True, we never did try anything at my office yet. Still have the fake handcuffs btw. Remember your on-call room?
Paul : Uh-uh. No talking about that. Now that's strictly confidential.
My ISO : So you gotta punish me slowly for that? I'll tell my interns to take a break.
Paul : They can join in. Any sexy barely legal fellas amongst the team?
My ISO : Oh I hired a couple of beefy studs just for you. They're good at taking orders as well.

I know it's the stuff of bad porn but we can seriously go on for hours. At least it keeps the sex chat lively. Of course we try our best to keep it strictly PG-13 these days since Charming Calvin would probably offer a lazy token protest.


Ooh talk dirty to me!
Not that I've ever tried propositioning him online. Our stern moralist would probably complain about the shocking impropriety!

And I gotta say Calvin's just a lil slow on the uptake. Not cerebrally speaking since he's a genius otherwise. Let me rephrase. Since he basically comes from a socio-cultural and linguistic background far different from my own ( speechless Chinaman that I am ), he can't always appreciate the simple nuances of language. Especially when I'm always full of wicked innuendoes.

So of course with the plainer-speaking Calvin, I usually discard the option of offering sly hints and head straight for the jugular instead.

Paul : I'd love to get you behind the office cubicles.
Calvin : And type out a new blueprint for the platform?
Paul : And get you naked against the spreadsheets.
Calvin : We can't do that. It's against company policy. People will complain.

A bit disheartening to start a flirtatious conversation only to have it end with a frighteningly dull thud. Starting to think that the more literal-minded Chinese-educated fellas just don't do sexy repartee. Probably decry such shabby ( skanky? ) pointless chit-chats as the corrupting influences of the western capitalist bourgeouis that they should all join forces to stamp out!

Just saying.