Maths Phobia

Hands up for all those who hate Mathematics.

Yeah, I hope I'm seeing a sizeable number since I simply can't be a minority in this. Ever since my first 1 2 3 in kindergarten, I've developed an unaccountable dislike of numbers, mathematical formulas and the like. Perhaps it was the monotonous study of mathematics with all the memorizing inscrutable formulas and neverending tables that simply drove me insane. Perhaps it was the dull, didactic way of teaching with the teacher droning on at the front of the class about the Pythagoras theorem. Or perhaps ( most likely ) it was the endlessly towering math homework skyscraper that loomed impossibly on the study table every evening demanding exacting servitude.


Solve this puzzle!
So, what do you get when you add and integrate two good friends who have swapped spit and bodily fluids previously with an inordinately expensive bottle of sangria? Not only do you get the villification of certain enemies who shall remain unnamed - together with a thorough examination of what exactly it would take to successfully erase them from the face of this earth - but you also get the odd vastly disconnected subject such as a shared hatred of Mathematics, the charms of a certain Calvin ( which prompted an odd message that must have puzzled the man ) and the merits of snogging the cute waiter.

My ISO and I have a shared enmity of the hated subject that has lasted for decades since we were both little devils in blue primary shorts. Perhaps that was what drew us together in the beginning since at a time when every other exemplary student was busy tattooing the multiplication tables in their brains, we were both wondering how to successfully avoid being called to the dreaded blackboard to recite the sums with the teachers spouting unintelligible rubbish about the jobs of calculation. Till now, the solution to 6 times 7 remains an absolute mystery. Thank God we have calculators for that now.

Almost impossible to forget the evenings I spent cursing the demonic slave teachers for inflicting the torture of endless mathematical sums on us. Come to think about it, fantasizing highly improbable deaths for them all must have been the trigger for my highly creative imagination. Once I finished school, I swore to never touch another Maths book and never have until now. Damned statistics and fucking calculus. Literally danced over my mathematic textbooks and workbooks as I gathered them up in a blazing bonfire at the end of the semester and lit them up with glee.

BTW all this talk about Mathematics is how Charming Calvin actually came into the picture since the man offers the occasional maths tutorial apart from actually enjoying the occasional mathematical puzzle - and even the bleeding Sudoku but that's another thing entirely. Both my artistically inclined ISO and I found such deliberately mind-bending hobbies absolutely unfathomable. Attempting mathematical monstrosities for fun?! What comes next is possibly running about the streets mildly deranged, half-naked and soaking wet from a bathtub while joyfully yelling Eureka!

Calvin is not the only certifiable mathsfreak obviously. Just last week my little niece ( hereby dubbed ExtraEnergetic Emma ) surprised me by bringing out a Maths for Toddlers workbook from her magical bottomless minipouch leaving me utterly flabbergasted. OMIGOD. They are actually torturing kids now? Oddly enough, the lil tyke / genius likes it. Not sure where she gets the gene from but I do recall my brother leaving Maths lessons with a differentiated smile.