Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sextiquette for Gentlemen

Say you have a fella lying beside you in bed. Single attractive fella with no strings attached. What would you do?

You can already guess my answer to that. If I were single as well, I'd be all over him in a New York minute. Or at least make a reasonable attempt.

Surprisingly though, it seems like I'm the only one around who'd do that. Therefore painting me as the irreclaimable slut since unfortunately conservative bourgeois prudishness seems to be de rigueur around here. Turns out everyone else would just turn the lights off and get some sleep. Reminds me of the time two boys went bird-watching together ( a euphemism if any! ) and claimed total celibacy.

Nothing happened? Really?

Sleeping alone?

Yet when Dashing Dan had just such an opportunity handed to him on a silver platter, he ... just said no. Seriously. Not only did he decline the open invitation from his guest, he might as well have drawn a demarcatory line across the bed with a modest silk screen stretched across.

Maybe even a glass of water delicately balanced on the border.

Dan : But I wanted to be a gentleman!
Sandy : Oh yeah, that made me feel so good. Instead of waking up totally satisfied, I feel utterly rejected, bastard.
Dan : B-but.. I didn't want to spoil our friendship!
Sandy : I missed my gymtime! I was hoping an hour of strenuous pillow-biting sex would burn some calories!
Dan : What?
Sandy : Next time when a guy gets into bed with you, fuck him dammit!

I know what they say about being a gentleman. Perhaps when it's a lady, the rules or propriety would apply of course. Sexist, I know but I can't be blamed for the rules of Miss Manners.

But what happens when it's two guys? Is there such a thing as promiscuity between fellas? Sexual identities aside, surely some touchy-feely should be expected. Or at least an attempt at trying :)

Seriously. Just think of all the benefits of good sex.

i) Sex Relieves Stress
ii) Sex Boosts Immunity
iii) Sex Reduces Pain
iv) Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
v) Sex Burns Calories

Seriously healthy, no? And that's only the tip of the proverbial sexberg, I'm sure.

Average Joe : Hey, let's fuck.
Hunk : What the hell. Bugger off, asshat.
Average Joe : Hey, I'm only doing it for your own good! You wanna get prostate cancer, it's up to ya.
Hunk : Huh?

So next time you see a cute guy, pull him aside and tell him you need a fuck. It's for your own good.


Queen B said...


sex is gud for health, we concur!

be more proactive dashing dan! :P

Cyclohelix said...

'Next time when a guy gets into bed with you, fXXX him dammit!'

Really made my

Now even the patrol guards are on masks around the wards, and how i remembered janvier's profile Time to get creative on em :D

Chris said...

Let's have sex!!

Perky said...

Oh what I miss about being single! Now see cute guy, can only tengok but cannot play ;)

::. Anton ::. said...

If given the chance, I would make hay while the sun shines, covering the whole of Europe.


savante said...

What I've been telling him, B! :)

Yup. Draw a butterly on the mask, helix! Seen some interesting ideas online as well.

I'll come over NOW, chris! :)

No argument there. But hey, it's nice not to be single, perky.

Time to bale the hay now, anton!


Adept Strumpet said...

You're not the only slut. I would have jump at the opportunity as well. This Dashing Dan is such a saint!

the happy go lucky one said...

JUST DO IT! lolll....

Dashing Dan said...


(heh. Thanks.)

Anonymous said...

You know if a cute guy was lying next to you chances are he'd be the one to make the move...LOL~Purr!! You needn't move an inch. It'll happen naturally. But, if he doesn't i definitely would do something. I'd reckon he's just weird...hahaha.