Last Christmas

With the entire family spending Christmas over there, how could we possibly not call up the cousins?Specifically the Thai ones - the various children from my late uncle's unlikely trio of warring stepwives. No doubt the last time they actually shared a decent meal together on one communal table was during their departed patriarch's funeral. Or maybe after when they battled passionately over the meagre estate left behind.

But Christmas is a time for family after all. Knowing that it would please my mother very much, I embarked on this intrepid mission months before, knowing fully well that certain components would surely irk me to no end.

First step was obviously making contact with the eldest of the lot, the Samaritan, which I did dutifully more than a month before we arrived.

Paul : Hey, we're coming over for Christmas. 
Samaritan : That's great!  
Paul : We'll be staying in town for a week. All of us. 
Samaritan : Weather's nice. 
Paul : Are you going to invite us for dinner or do I have to? 
Samaritan : Sure, let's meet for dinner. 
Paul : Call up the rest of your siblings. 
Samaritan : The rest? 
Paul : All of them, even the half sibs. 

Gotta say the Samaritan never fails to disappoint me. Perhaps if he ever initiates an invitation to dinner of his own volition, I might possibly faint from shock. Don't know about the rest of you but as the dedicated host - wherever I am - I would usually take that first step, not only in arranging any coming dinners but also to ensure everything goes smoothly right up to the discreet bill reimbursement at the end. Playing host is something I do almost without thinking.

The Samaritan? We're the same age and he has never ever picked up the check. Ever. Don't be fooled into thinking that he's pathetically destitute having to beg for spare change on the grimy streets of Bangkok, the man earns quite a decent living. Then again, he hardly offered a miserable penny to cover his father's funeral expense so I doubt even the vaunted Christmas miracle could change that.

Well guess who I left out on the Christmas list. 

But hey, there's always second - third - and fourth chances. He might change? Season of giving after all.

Since the Samaritan lives there, I figured he would know best where to dine like a king in the food paradise that's Bangkok but he hemmed and hawwed without giving any proper reply. Moment the Samaritan deferred from picking the restaurant, I already figured out who would be footing the bill. Bah, humbug.

Paul : Guess who is buying us dinner!
Brother : Not the Samaritan of course. 
Paul : Guessed it right. 
Brother : Merry Christmas to us then. 
Calvin : So who's paying?
Paul : Obviously my brother and me. 

The season of giving. Though I would find it hard to offer much forgiveness.

Here We Come A-wassailing

Last time I travelled with my brother anywhere was the aforementioned Eurotrip almost a decade ago. Honestly other than dining out really cheaply and curtailing any added expenses such as shopping, there is very little I can actually recall about that trip! Photography wasn't really my thing so pictures were few so there's hardly anything left to jog the memories. Since I'd barely begun work, my wallet was still quite woefully spare which didn't leave much change for purchasing knick knacks and doo-dads.

Give or take about ten years, I find my credit limit more resilient this time, able to weather any minor financial disbursements that might occur due to somewhat indiscriminate shopping. Ever the prudent consumer, my diligent brother still keeps his purse strings cinched up tight.

Except when it comes to food, glorious food, of course! For that, our exceedingly well-fed Fuzhou kin have a well-earned reputation for providing an overflowing dinner table ready to feed an entire marauding Viking army.

And perhaps a couple of Huns as well.

Fortunately we were vacationing in the food paradise of Bangkok where food comes cheap, plentiful and all finger-lickin lipsmackingly scrumptious.

Time to load up the kids!

However I seemed to have forgotten my brother's peculiar propensity to effectively fill up every moment of the day with constructive activity. Oftentimes on opposite ends of the city map. Rather than the leisurely trip of boutiques and bistros we were blissfully imagining, suddenly we found ourselves briskly herded through stifling alleyways to perilous destinations unknown.

Not that I minded the trip.

I did mind the panicked rush though. It was if we were trying to cover the entire city of Bangkok in eighty minutes! Or perhaps less since I hardly had time to check my trusty wrist watch. There were times I wondered if we'd even paid for our meals yet before rushing away.

Paul : We're not done yet!
Brother : No, we have another place to be in ten minutes pronto. 
Paul : Where? 
Brother : Ten stops from here by train. 
Paul : What?!
Brother : Up! We're leaving!

Even I - with my brisk walk - found myself at times quite breathless. Seriously I can't imagine how Charming Calvin must have felt being unceremoniously whisked from one corner to another.

Definitely no time to go a-wassailing! Far too busy wailing as we were all swept into matching tuk tuks to dash through the grimy streets of the inner city.

A Christmas Abroad

Sue : What are your plans this Christmas? 

Paul : The usual I guess. Party and all that.

Sue : A bit tired of all the brouhaha, feel like laying low for that month. 

Paul : If you wanna lay low, why not head somewhere else instead? 

Sue : Family vacation? 

Yes, just that brief texted conversation with my sister-in-law several months back prompted our December escapade! First time we haven't had our annual Christmas party for... well a really long time!

Providential though - since I honestly can't recall the last time we travelled famille en masse to some foreign destination! Perhaps our eventful Eurotrip almost a decade ago? Ever since my niece and nephew made their jubilant appearance on the domestic scene, family trips together have become increasingly rare apart from the mandatory Chinese New Year reunion dinner. With my distant brother far off in the desert climes of the Middle East and me isolated on the large tropical island of Borneo, scheduling conflicts are bound to occur.

Picking places to go is simple enough - having all of us agree to the finalized plan, especially the finicky children is something else however. Surprisingly - had us all agog I swear - bringing up the easiest suggestion of Bangkok seemed to garner quite a positive response from my niece and nephew! Apparently their last exhaustive trip tramping through gilded temples and bustling bazaars in the sweltering tropical heat didn't seem to deter them in the least. 

And we did dangle the possibility of lazing about in the luxurious hotel suite which the kids always adore. Though like any horrible unreasonable adult, I would probably curtail those fun-filled activities to the minimum so as to maximize our shopping time. 

Calvin : We're not lugging all that!!
Paul : Maybe some candy canes?
Calvin : No!

Of course I didn't need much persuasion since Bangkok is always the ideal destination for me, what with the relatives, the food, the shopping - and hey, let's admit it, the hot male eye-candy. With December ushering in cooler days up north, seemed like the perfect time to go!

Was half afraid that Charming Calvin would give the trip a miss with the recent bereavement in his family but a short break was exactly what he needed - so several days before Christmas saw all of us packing to leave for Bangkok. 

Deck the Belles

Yes, I tend to be more dressy than usual. Chances are very few have actually seen me out and about in something more casual than a shirt and slacks. More often than not, there's usually a tie or even a vest included in the ensemble. Blame it on my upbringing - my strict mother never ever let us leave the house unless we're perfectly presentable - and also perhaps my formal workwear where Casual Fridays are practically unheard of.

Perhaps it's my advanced age speaking but it always puzzles me to see youthful teens gallivanting abroad in their Wednesday Worst. What happened to dressing up tastefully for a night out on the town? With industrialization and mass marketing making readymade clothes easily available to all, what cheap excuse is there to be bundled up in a raggedy tee-shirt and rattier shorts out in public?

And flip flops - which I swear can only be appropriate for the beach or a pasar malam.

Paul : What is she wearing?
Kat : I know!
Paul : Is it laundry day and she doesn't have anything left to wear? 
Kat : Really hope that's the reason.
Paul : I wouldn't even use that tired tee to scrub the floors. 
Kat : So strict haha!
Paul : If that were my child, I would immediately drag her home to change. Or perhaps to a store for a new dress. What she's wearing now I would immediately consign to the flames. 

Yes, mean girls do judge.

Come on, there is dressing appropriately for the occasion - and there's just tearing out whatever crushed leftovers you can discover in the laundry basket. Just because everyone's dressing way, way down doesn't mean you have to join that motley crew. Seriously, almost everyone looks good when they put in some minimal effort to dress up but only a lucky handful look great in just a plain tee and shorts.

Not unless you're super fit and handsome like the fortunate fellow below. Disregard whatever fulsome praise the doting aunts showered on you - chances are you're never quite as pretty as they said you were.

Unless you're this guy. I assume Alex looks great in almost anything. And better in nothing. 

So short of being genetically blessed with good looks, don't even think about stepping out in anything but your best. Unforgivably elitist perhaps but even Cinderella knew the worth of dressing in her glamorous finest. Never even occurred to her to arrive at the ball clad only in her grimy kitchen rags. Hell, even the fashion-forward rats in her kitchen instinctively knew she would need a decent ballgown for her swanky soiree.

Imagine if she hadn't gotten her fairy godmother to offer some sartorial magic!

Cinderella : Oh hello!
Prince : Umm wait, isn't the help supposed to be downstairs? 
Cinderella : Oh no, I'm a guest! Really. I mean I had no time to dress so I just came in whatever I had on. 
Prince : Oh really? 
Cinderella : The card mentioned formal wear but I am going for comfort today.
Prince : I think there's a gravy stain on your tee shirt. 
Cinderella : Oh maybe. 
Prince : I think I see someone else I need to talk to. 
Cinderella : Wait, you haven't seen my flip flops!

Yeah, she might not have gotten her happily-ever-after if she'd come in her Wednesday Worst. 

Season of Giving

Christmastime also marks the time when I wait patiently for the elusive mailman to arrive. Especially this far in the boondocks, the mailman can sometimes be our only lifeline to the real world out there - at least that of the material sort. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be any proper schedule for the slippery fellow who seems to pop by according to his volatile whims and wants.

Honestly Santa would be easier to catch than our unreliable mailman. 

But not only does he deliver the sadly mundane such as bills and solicitations, during the magical month of December he also drops the occasional Christmas card. And of course, my favourite brown paper packages tied up with string -- all bought online the weeks before Christmas.

Unfortunately I couldn't find this on offer. 

After all I still need to send my ISO some coal with his black stockings. Though it also comes with similarly coloured charcoal body soap this year. 

My ISO : It's all black. What the hell did you send me? 

Paul : Coal.

My ISO : So I toss them into the fire? 

Paul : There's only one lump of coal. The rest are soap!

My ISO : Black soap. Seriously?

Paul : Well it's to wash away your evil deeds this year!

My ISO : You didn't get me enough soap for that!

Have to assume my ISO flirts shamelessly with the usually grumpy mailroom workers to get his gifts sent out promptly every year since it usually arrives surprisingly early. Surely he doesn't actually queue up at the post office since that very idea of such patient selflessness on his part boggles my mind. 

Which is why I have a wrapped gift box waiting to be opened very, very soon.