Simon Says

Back when we were kids, we had a childhood game called Simon Says with simple enough rules. Whatever the fellow tagged as Simon said, we followed very much to the letter. Sincerely hoping that it wouldn't be an outrageous demand. Fortunately we were much too naive and innocent back then to have nefarious Simons about.

Turns out lil boy named David took that lesson too much to heart.

He answered an advertisement to be a guest relation officer. Instead, David (not his real name) was photographed naked as part of an interview to be a gigolo. The 28-year-old salesman from here said he had telephoned a man called “Uncle Simon” because he needed a better paying job as he wanted to plan for his future.

Eventhough as it turns out, David isn't all that little anymore. His Simon wasn't as benign as well.


What? You want my shirt off?
In his search for a better paying career, not only did the hunky 28 year old follow exactly what Simon said, he also stripped naked for a photo shoot ( though he modestly covered the moneymakers ) at Simon's behest. Not for nothing is it called the flesh trade. Judging by the fact that Simon seemed to be quite impressed with the pictures, I would venture to say David has grown up plenty.

Only makes me wonder what else Simon asked David to do during the interview. Surely even an amateur wannabe gigolo would be required to show off some of his purported amatory skills.

Simon : Simon says take off your shirt.
David : Yes, Simon.
Simon : Simon says take off your pants.
David : Yes, Simon.
Simon : Simon says bend over the desk.
David : Gulp.

Poor David. Of course rather than following what he says all the time, Simon would actualy prefer David follow the strict instructions of his future employers! No doubt desperate housewives who peruse Simon's extremely visual guidebook for some sweet afternoon delight ( at Rm300 an hour! )!

But seriously. Where do they find such gullible, sexy Davids? I gotta find a few of my own since I have plenty of things I could do with a handsome fella. Maybe I should hook up with the enterprising gentleman called Simon here. With my liberal attitude towards prostitution ( which should be legalized dammit! ), perhaps a joint business venture?

Say My (Sur)Name!

You know sometimes it takes a while to respond when you hear someone calling your name? Just hear the muted shout in the back of your mind kinda like an echo, you turn and half-wonder whether it's your imagination.

Then I hear someone calling my name.

And it surprised me. You know it's been a while since secondary school when you don't recognize your own surname after it's been yelled several times from twenty feet away. Reminds me so much of PE lessons when the belligerent coach would yell at us! Certainly underlines the fact that surnames remain so much more important in a man's world than in a lady's.


What? Did you call me?
Really. Have you noticed?

A peculiar double standard perhaps? Girls call each other by their personal names ( a sign of intimacy maybe? ) while boys prefer sticking to their surnames. Even as men, it seems to be the norm to address each other by our surnames. For instance, you'd never hear Holmes and Watson refer to each other as Sherlock and John! A quiant reminder of our colonial past perhaps? Or maybe perhaps in our patrician Confucian-world, clan, lineage and family names just seem to carry more importance for the boys.

Like my brother and his classmates who still call each other by their surnames till now! Johnson! Chong! Lim!

I'd be expecting their dads to answer!

Sure I do use my surname at work - tagged to the salutation Dr. But these days hardly anyone I know personally days calls me that. They usually just tag me as Paul at the most. Reason enough it took a while before I turned around when my old classmate called my (sur)name.

Rockstar

You know we all have dreams of getting on that stage and wailing our hearts out! Well at least that's a dream for some of us. Mine, I'd rather croon like a 1950s jazz singer.

So now here's a meme that allows you to create random, fictional band and album.

Here are the rules:
1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit random or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select random quotations or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on explore the last seven days or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop, GIMP, Inkscape, or similar to put it all together.

And this is what I get!


Backtracks with their first album Polished As Your Sword!
I know! A very Goth-rock Evanescence look!

Not sure what the album represents but I figure with the pensive bride all decked out in white staring out the window - and a band like Backtracks, I figure it's angry militant females railing over the uncertainties of life and men. Possibly looking back on their prior dysfunctional relationships wondering why life would suck without them! And the pain of the polished sword :)



Got the name Backtrack supposedly from a western novel while the beautiful cover's from an artist on Flickr called Nika Fadul.

Brazen

Sometimes even I'm amazed at my brazenness.

Celebrating a late lunch with Long Island Tea ( after a dull depressing day at the banks! ), I'll admit I got back just a little tipsy. Fortunately I didn't have all that far too drive. In such a good mood that I was all too willing to share it.

Even with the security guards at the gates of the housing estate.

Usually I just give them a slight wave and a nod. Sometimes a hello and good morning to our regular stern, unsmiling Sikh security fella.

But for the past week or two, they've recently taken on a fair, gorgeous Persian God. All hazel-eyed, stubbled jaw and sexy smile. Seriously. I can sometimes see why all the naive village maidens go wild over these Aryan hunks. I'd certainly want to do more than a regular hello with him.

Hell, the guard even comes with a cosy little guard booth at the side. Believe me, I have all sorts of naughty ideas about him and that convenient booth. Kinda like my sexy air stewards and the mile-high washroom fantasy ( though that was sadly debunked when I found it impossible to maneuver in such a tiny cramped space ).


I think I might have to frisk you!
So during a brief segue in the Mamma Mia recording while I was driving back, I playfully threw him a flying kiss through the open window. Very spontaneous! Very Mamma Mia! Very Long Island Tea! Thoroughly expecting the guard to actually fall backwards with his movie-star jaw slack in astonishment!

Obviously I underestimated these security fellows. Talk about being ready for any challenge. Seriously. Not only did he remain satisfyingly upright, the fella actually mimed catching the kiss and winked at me.

At least I think he did so.

Then again, it could have been the alcohol.

Matchmaking Mothers

Wicked Jedi mind tricks aside, my mother ain't so bad.

At least compared to some of the ones I know. During a late lunch tete-a-tete with Charming Calvin, Jaunty Jared and Lanky Lex, we were joined by Nutty Nick who regaled us with some of the goings-on in his household. Turns out his wily mother has more tricks up her sleeve than even he knows.

Nick : Guess what! My mom asked her god-daughter to move in with us.
Paul : Congrats. You're getting married.
Nick : No!
Paul : Your mom has been wondering about you. And she suddenly brings a girl home?
Nick : Well, yeah. Doesn't have to mean anything!
Paul : Ooh, I can't wait to plan your wedding!
Nick : No!

Mother bringing a girl home?

Doesn't that ring like about a thousand mental alarms? Eligible bachelors everywhere would already be fleeing from such an obvious marriage scheme.


Oh boy, guess what happened!
Sure, Nick innocently claims that his sainted mother has no such intentions ( though which mother doesn't want to see her son married? ). Certainly not a marriage trap! According to him, the girl's only one of her many charity cases, a lovely village maiden migrating from the rural countryside.

Likely story. I think Nick had better start saving for the coming nuptials.

Kinda like Big Bicep Barry vehemently denying that the sweet old lady running the souvenir stall beside his has no matchmaking designs at all. Simply no ulterior motive in helping him - despite the fact that the widow happens to have three marriageable daughters on hand and hey, a clean-cut, handsome ( quite obviously well-to-do ) bachelor just happens to man the store next to theirs all alone!

In the spirit of charity, why not send one of her lonely daughters over to keep the poor fella company? And if she just happens to catch his lustful eye, well that would be just sweet providence wouldn't it?

Certainly not a scheme. :)