Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Halal Gays

Think my love for fatty pork is already quite well documented. Summed up pretty well by Charming Calvin's oft-repeated dictum of sharing pork with the one you love. Seriously, screw the cholesterol. If you wanted something less fattening, go nibble on scrawny free-range chicken.

Yet these days, I find my group of friends - albeit the stereotypical perpetually dieting, gym-inhabiting gaybots - eschewing our poor pitiful piglets. Rather than any compelling religious or cultural reasons prohibiting them from being one with the pig, the indoctrinated fear of cholesterol-laden pork lard has them all grabbing their flouncy knickers fleeing in near-hysterical distress.

Bryan : OMG You're ordering pork? 
Paul : You're not? 
Bryan : Do people still eat pork? 
Paul : You're kosher? It's haram for you? 
Bryan : Yes! Pork is so fattening! All the calories! It's against my Gym God religion!
Paul : Oh yes, imagine thick crispy bacon that crunches beneath your teeth. Tender three-layered pork that melts in your mouth. 
Bryan : La la la la... I am not hearing this!
Paul : Yum.

Sigh. Seriously. When did we all suddenly turn into grass-munching, leaf-biting vegetarians?

You have pork? God, I'd do anything for a bit of meat...

Of course even with their recently acquired aversion to pork, that doesn't stop them from stealing envious glances over at my plate full of porcine goodness. Despite their deep reservations, the allure of the pig is obviously near irresistible - especially in comparison with the meagre leaves and branches on their sad platters. Even the very scent of freshly pan-fried bacon has their nostrils flaring with barely concealed lust.

Come on, take a bite. Live a little.

And if you wanna keep that hand, don't even think of slicing off the gelatinous fatty parts.


- a L E x - said...

I'm one of the halal ones LOL!! Well, I'm starting to change now but my love for greens cannot change xD

matt said...

i'm one of the ones who enjoys pork--bacon is especially good. on the other hand, my abs are long gone...

savante said...

Never loved the greens that much, alex :) Need my meats!

It's okay. The loss was worth it, matt.

Tempus said...

Good! We need more non-halal fellas like you to keep the industry driving. people these days don't know what they are missing.

Ban said...

The fatty parts taste horrible, imo. I have to work hard to cut them off whenever I eat pork, otherwise I find myself spitting out the disgusting fatty bits.

savante said...

So sad kan, tempus!

Why not eat chicken instead, ban! :P