Tuesday, September 04, 2012

The Mistress Prerequisite

Shiny sportscars and trophy wives. Golf clubs and floppy hairpieces. Skinny jeans and fake tans.

Sure they're all painfully cliche - but these vividly sketched symptoms immediately leap to mind, quite rightfully sometimes, when you think of the fateful words 'midlife crisis'. Curiously enough an exceedingly common malady that strikes down reasonably rational men of a certain age with hardly any warning. Compelling such absurd symptoms as a pitiable but assuredly vain attempt to boost up their dwindling testosterone.

Considering I'm comfortably in my mid-thirties, I figured I'd still have a while before developing such embarassingly gauche symptoms. Don't see a need for fake tans and toupees yet. Besides I'm pleased with my rusty reliable Honda and haven't had the urge to trade it in just yet.

Evidently I was wrong.

Excuse me, are you looking for a toyboy?

Or at least my friend Fabian Fabulouso thinks so since he mailed me an entire string of messages populated by scantily-clad, physically buff hunks. Apparently all ambitious, financially motivated young men who wouldn't mind being kept by overly generous patrons. Think of it as ToyBoys 'R' Us.

Paul : Good God, are you a pimp? Where did you find them all!
Fabian : Isn't it time to indulge? Boys need their daddies after all.
Paul : Not wallowing in luxury but I guess I'm doing alright. Certainly not outrunning the creditors.
Fabian : So isn't it time to hire a few concubines for your all-male harem?
Paul : You mean there's a time to get a toyboy?
Fabian : Yes, why not? You can have your pick.
Paul : Like they are that easy to find?
Fabian : Just flash your income tax form.
Paul : Might as well get some shiny sports car to match.
Fabian : We might as well go all out for our midlife crisis.

Clearly Fabian is the unwelcome herald for midlife crisis of the gay kind. Just hit the right number of zeros in your paycheque and he comes knocking at the door like a perverse Pimp Fairy. Like all modern-day papasans, Fabian already has an entire stable of randy young stallions on his speed dial ready to serve.

Certainly titillated my salivating curiousity though, enough that I actually gave it some serious thought. Really, is it that easy to find a toy boy? Exactly what would my mistress prerequisites be like?


u~``~ulliel said...

that's it! you're Salivating Savante!

savante said...

Depending on the guy, I could be Slobbering as well, ulliel :)

Jason said...

Seriously interesting...

Jason said...


u~``~ulliel said...

but Salivating Sa(li)vante sounds more catchy, don't you think? :)

Ash Godiva said...

i'm finding one right now but didn't managed to find...