Saturday, August 25, 2012

Cougar's Delight

Ladies my age keep harping about the relentless march of age with the inevitable wrinkles and aging spots creeping up on them.

Yet they forget that our local Penal Code has left them a nice silver lining. Oh yes, there's a pretty large loophole that could potentially them all into predatory Mrs Robinsons. Since our legal system has been handed down to us from the oh-so-prudish Victorians, there is a slight male chauvinistic slant to the laws where females are deemed weak, fragile creatures who need protection from even the slightest breeze.

Hence when it comes to rape as written in our shockingly antiquated lawbooks, males - whether adults or minors - simply can not be legally defined as the injured victims. Not even those blushing schoolboys in their prim secondary greens. Deemed heroic masters of all they survey after all - so how could they possibly be victimized?

Victim : I've been raped.
Cop : No, you haven't.
Victim : I have! I have the samples, the evidence, the written testimonial, the bedsheets, I even have a recorded video of the traumatic event.
Cop : Still doesn't matter. You haven't been raped.
Victim : But I did!
Cop : You're a man?
Victim : Yes.
Cop : You have a penis?
Victim : Yes.
Cop : Men can't be raped.
Victim : You can't be serious.

Unfortunately I am. Owning a penis obviously protects us all from any form of molestation.

Boy : Umm, did you bring me here to do all sorts of dirty unspeakable acts?
Woman : I kinda did. It's not illegal after all.

So all you carnivorous cougars, you may rejoice since there's nothing - apart from some sadly outdated societal mores - stopping you from hunting the secondary schools in search of vulnerable boy meat. Head out to their usual watering holes - the unimaginative likes of amusement arcades and fast food chains - to find such tender susceptible prey grazing in packs. Just grab the juiciest from the unsuspecting herd with your painted claws and drag them home.

You know what, Cougar's Delight could be the new tagline for our country's increasingly lacklustre tourist promotions.

Sorry gay boys but you're out of luck since we're all still covered under Section 377a - so please don't go around scouting secondary school canteens for underaged twinks.


Ultraman Jino said...

prefer men who can shoot than young boys haha

[Jino] - A man's not a man unless he knows how to shoot

savante said...

Well evidently the ladies can have their pick, jino :)


A.D. said...

How lucky are the ladies right? Haha

savante said...

Wildly biased though the laws are, AD :) But yeah, the ladies are in luck!


Leo Nut said...

Ironically, most people with a penis don't mind being rapped.. LOL.. Unless the rapist is of course that bad looking.. haha

Ryan said...

I think the statutory definition of rape is the penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth by the penis.

I'm not too clear about this, but if it's a man sexually assaulting another man, won't it be considered rape as well? Or just classified as a sexual assailant? But the sentence will be just as severe no?

savante said...

Depends on the situation, leo :)

Precisely. Apparently women can't be classified as rapists, ryan.