Friday, December 02, 2011

Body Step Pump Combat Attack Jam

Of course for me it's more of a mind jam.

Apart from the usual moan-moan-grunt of free weights and machines, most established fitness centers offer dozens of varied gym classes to suit, with astonishingly inventive names such as punk rope, zumba and spin. Obviously just plain sweating with weighted barbells doesn't kick it these days. Who knows, they'll probably turn classical ballet into a class one of these days.

By the way, I only just realized that spin class has absolutely nothing to do with needles and thread. Neither does it have anything to do with spinning mindlessly around like a whirling dervish. Only refers to the mundane spinning wheels of a stationary exercise bicycle.

Yeah, it was a bit of a downer when I found out.

Follow the leader?

Still I do have friends who passionately teach those classes whether Body Step / Pump / Combat / Attack / Jam. Stroll by the glass-enclosed walls of the local fitness center and you'll find the fanatical crowds of beautifully coordinated, sculpted gymgoers pumping and flexing to the driving beat of a thumpa thumpa disco number?

Dress in perfectly-matching branded gym couture, roll up their sequinned sleeves and boogie to the beat of Kylie's latest hit? How is that any different from the local gay nightspot? Not only do all my friends back in civilization fall into delirious throes of orgasmic delight when they learn of a new routine, it seems even the usually unflappable Charming Calvin finds no common delight in his classes as well.

So you can imagine how thrilled Fabulous Felix was when he found out that our gym was about to begin those classes as well.

When I heard, I couldn't quite contain my shiver of repugnance.

Tried not to judge too harshly so I steeled myself to enter the class without prejudice. Well, maybe a pinch of prejudice. Virtually impossible for a clumsy clod like me to imagine joining a class where members are expressly required to synchronize and coordinate their dance steps to the uplifting music.

Instructor : Come join in! Don't just stand there!
Paul : And do what?
Instructor : Just follow me! It's easy!
Paul : That's what you say. What the fuck did you just do with your leg?
Instructor : Like this!
Paul : Umm.
Instructor : No, like this!
Paul : Like that?
Instructor : That's the opposite.
Paul : Oh, wait, am I supposed to follow you or the reflection?

Yes, I'm marvellously uncoordinated. Already imperfectly showcased by my blundering performance in my dance classes. While my brain might have understood the movements made by the instructors, my arms and legs simply cannot imitate the actions! In fact I think my legs distinctly yelled 'WTF, we can't do that!'.

Much to the consternation of the ever-helpful instructor with his booming baritone.

Don't think group fitness is for me. I'll admit I'm a loner by nature and actually prefer to be by myself. All that collective energy and passion might drive the rest to excel at their classes but it serves as a chaotic distraction for me.

Unless they have a spin class of course.


Kenny Mah said...

Brilliant title. Sometimes it does feel, with some of these routines, that one's body really has gotten stepped upon, pumped up, attacked in hand-to-hand combat, and all sorts of orifices and muscles jammed up by the end of the class... :P

Of course, I used to love BodyBalance so I'm one of those gym class fanatics you're writing about. :P

Tempus said...

pump and combat all the way! but my knees are so bad these days I get the turn offs while doing squats in pump. spin class? who knows they might have mills for the gymers to spin to build up their biceps and triceps.

ooi2009 said...

honestly , i love ur pics . ....their always coloured pple , unlike a certain bitch ass blogger that only parades chi-kor-jap model....btw , do u know what is gynomastia.... my tetek getting big , so what to reduce it ah

savante said...

And I honestly can't tell the difference, kenny :) All the classes start looking the same.

Maybe one day they'll have a cycling class here and I'll change my mind, tempus!

Well there are always men who love Asian boys, ooi :) And we're glad for them!


Vincent~ said...

wad?! spin class is not twirling round and round?!

now i am slightly depressed, been planning to go to tat for a fun spinning. =(

J-boy said...

haha I like going for these classes because it's more fun than working out on the machines alone. Not to mention the hot instructors to ogle at! :P