What Rapture

If you're reading this, obviously you're one of the millions left behind after the Rapture. Been more than a month since the previous calculated date so by now, most of the true believers would already be dressed in white playing harps with the holy choir of St Peter's.

That is if anyone actually got called up for Rapture.

For the uninitiated, Rapture simply means a time at the end of the world when presumably all the Christians of the world would be gathered together in the air to meet Jesus Christ.

Poor Jesus Christ spread the good word in the Middle East more than a millenia ago but with the frequent politically-motivated editing of his bestseller, these days I doubt many of his devout followers are actually adhering to the tenets he originally prescribed. Inevitably - like a game of Chinese Whispers - his words have been twisted and changed over the centuries.

Surely you don't believe everything Jesus said has been repeated perfectly verbatim over two thousand years?


Come join me in heaven!
Won't bore you with a sermon of course. Come the rapture, it did make me think about heaven and what that entails. Would it be as we all imagined? Pious patrons in white robes solemnly drifting through the misty clouds while the heavenly choir sings Hallelujah?

Perhaps that would be the usually prescribed heaven for most but I think even one day in those hallowed halls would probably drive me insane. Honestly, I need a dose of sin every once in a while. Perhaps the Muslims have gotten it right when they suggest that their holy martyrs enjoy rich sensual rewards in the form of seventy-two virgins on reaching paradise.

Hell, I wouldn't need that many. Having that many - and trying to fulfill all their demands - would be endlessly exhausting. Perhaps a nice number like ten would do. Ten hunks the likes of Chris Evans and Choi Siwon to serve me in my eternal palace - now that's heaven.