Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Delivery Dolls

Perfect leafy suburban enclaves with lovely finely-appointed bungalows. Pretty little housewives with cookbook in one hand and child-friendly manual in the other. Friendly neighbourhood stores with folks who greet each other by name.

But don't be fooled by the picture-perfect image of suburbia that greets you when you come here. Just like Wisteria Lane, there's a dark, hidden closet in every seemingly innocent household brimming with shockingly unsavoury secrets.

A seedy underbelly that offers dubious services such as the delivery dolls. Rather than have the streetwalkers hook a client while trolling the back-alleys, the ingenious pimps have decided to make it even easier for our instant-satisfaction generation. Dream a fantasy, dial a number and these friendly neighbourhood thugs will deliver right to your doorstep. Not only would they provide an eager-to-please dreamgirl, the offer also comes with a luxury vehicle complete with an ample backseat. No muss no fuss.

Seriously. These dudes think of everything.

Vamps
Well, maybe not everything.

Since I've always been an advocate for legalizing prostitution, I'm wondering where to sign up. Not that I'd be able to entice any of their doddering clients but I wouldn't mind being a silent partner. Perhaps help them diversify by catering to the gay masses. Surely Miri has its fair share of the pink. With the construction sites chockful of choice specimens, I'd be more than willing to suss out healthy, virile applicants for the working roster.

Of course my straight-laced retinue of good Christian nurses couldn't be more horrified by my wholehearted support of the painted ladies.

Paul : Whoa. I think I gotta reconsider my career.
Nurse : You'd risk catching all sorts of unseemly diseases.
Paul : There are ways to be safe. Regular checkups for one.
Nurse : It's wickedly unChristian! How horrifying! Do they even think of their eternal souls?
Paul : For RM 350 an hour, I'd think about that later.
Nurse : Dr Paul, how can you say so!
Paul : If I were pretty enough, I'd sell myself as well! How could it be unhealthy? You burn calories, you increase endorphins...
Nurse : You talk as if you've had experience. A bachelor like you, surely not.
Paul : Seriously. You think I have to be married to have sex?
Nurse : Holy Mother of God!

Could swear I heard a couple of recited prayers while she hastily made the sign of the cross. I quickly backed off before our evangelizing lady dredged out holy water to sprinkle over me of course.

6 comments:

Life for Beginners said...

Holy water. May have moisturising properties, no? I mean, it's gotta be good for you, 'tis holy after all. :P

Izuan Kunang-Kunang said...

Your nurse is soooo lack sense of humour..LOL :)

William said...

An exorcism is in order!

Mr.D said...

aww she's cute. like an innocent boy who never watch porn then gets surprise when friends show the porn.

but that kind of service already exist in kl area, someone blogged about it i think. a massage centre or sometin.

Holden said...

hey paul, how's it going? thankfully you found me again, after years of absence... :)

Alex said...

No wonder that little town got prostitution service! LOL