The Dragon and the Archer

Since Big Bicep Barry's birthday falls squarely in the midst of next week, we decided to go out for a celebratory pre-birthday supper tonight. Started a little late since both of us had made prior engagements we couldn't get out of, me with my convivial ex-colleagues and him with some of his much less convivial clients.

Still it was good to see him looking all hearty, happy and extremely fit especially after a more vigorous gym regimen to lose the dreaded pounds prior to the coming inevitable end-of-the-year bashes. Exchanged our birthday / Christmas gifts, had our quick repast together ( his as usual much much less than mine ) and ended up going to Alagaësia together.

No, it isn't a peculiar little-known euphemism for a dirty orgiastic experience but a fictional land, once peaceful ( aren't they all? ) and now terrorized by a sinister megalomaniacal overlord living in his dark, dank fortress of evil ( why do they persist living in all that filth and squalor? Can't they afford a glittering Versailles? ) - soon to be overthrown by a sexy underaged blond Bel Ami farmboy in leather and his pet fire-breathing dragon.


Come play with my fire-breathing dragon
Unfortunately only one gratuitous, titillating shirtless scene to speak of - and thankfully it's of the Bel Ami boy - and not the muddied overlord or his ill-kempt servants.

Barry : You are drooling.
Paul : Look closely, he's a hotter Simon Baker.
Barry : And a juvenile, don't forget.
Paul : We'll just assume he's safely above the age of consent.
Barry : Fat chance.
Paul : But none on him. Look at his abs.
Barry : Bah. I have better pecs.

True. He does. I checked.

Well blond twinks and hot marketing execs aside, think of Eragon as the intergalactic soap opera Star Wars placed in the dwarves-and-elves populated forests and glades of Tolkien's Middle Earth. Albeit with none of the adult angst and intricate complexities of the former since the story has been simplified and dumbed down for the edification of adventuresome tweens everywhere. They do have wry talking dragons with alarmingly accelerated growth rates though.

Still, the startling similarities with the life of a certain Luke Skywalker can be quite jarring at times though I hope we don't have to see the elven warrior princess wearing the infamous donut braids in future sequels. Though I doubt there would be any unless more titillating scenes abound ( featuring the blond twink mentioned above ) since Eragon sadly doesn't live up to the hype.