The Wedding

It's my brother's wedding anniversary today. 

Awfully clichéd but yes, time really does fly! Has it really been more than a decade of marriage? Way back then... in the early primeval internet years, there was no facebook to share, no tweeting to hear of and certainly no blogs to read. Well hardly any blogs, not even mine.

So it didn't surprise me much when my permanently-logged-on sister-in-law sadly mourned the lack of online testimonials to remind her of that special day.

Sue : Damn. I should have blogged about it. 
Paul : You still can. Why don't you just blog about it now and tell us what you can recollect about the day. In retrospect you might look at things differently.
Sue : Alamak. Hardly any time to sit down and recollect!

A pity since it was certainly a memorable day. Since Sassy Sue has decided to keep her reflections to herself for the moment, I might as well share my own recollection of that fateful day more than a decade ago.

First thing I could recall was the fact that my brother was getting married. Like seriously? Sure he's always been shockingly staid, sober and steady.... but settling down? Whoa, what next? Kids?

Second was - of course - that I was wearing a suit. Not often I get the chance to wear it back then. Wore it a couple of times before - my graduation, my brother's wedding pics and a couple of formal dinners.

Thirdly was the amazement at the number of people my astonishingly gregarious parents knew. Weren't my parents antisocial hermetical homebodies? Seemed like they'd practically invited half the town - and the other half had come by to see what's up. Helping out with the ushers at the door, I barely recognized the strange unfamiliar motley crew that came straggling in to the wedding.

Damn, I look good in a suit. 

About the wedding dinner itself? With almost my entire extended family in attendance - and Sassy Sue's even larger contingent, we had nearly five hundred guests in the hall. Obviously wildly unnerving to my sister-in-law! Early in the morning while Sue was still getting her hair done, she had her first military briefing with the entire wedding party from the emcees down to even the tiniest flower girls. I recall a couple of coour-coded folders with specific orders written on them.

Yes, Sue was that nervous. Unlike the plainly ecstatic groom beaming from ear to ear, the anxious bride hardly smiled though. No doubt common in most weddings! Wanting every last bit of the wedding to be picture-perfect like the perfectionista she was, Sue could hardly contain her jangly nerves.

Don't blame her though since I would probably freak out over every last minute detail down to the very hemlines on the dinner tablecloths. With the crazed bitch-fits gay men are prone to, doubt I'd be the first groomzilla ever.

Being forced to daintily nibble during the main course must have given Sue the jitters as well. Pristine white ballgown with elbow length silk gloves tends to curtail gorging on the sumptuous ten-course meal. Thank God guys get to wear suits.

Overall what did I think of the day? Of course I was wildly happy. It was a good day. My brother was getting married. My parents were happy. All my relatives were present. Hell, even my ex was lurking close by. And damn, I'd almost finished a year of grueling housemanship. :)

It was good.

MSG

Just like the warrior Achilles had his vulnerable heel, Lady Macbeth had her stained hands and Superman has his radioactive Krytonite, even the seemingly invincible Madame Borgia - that infamous mother-in-law of mine - has a shocking little weakness of her own.

Something almost microscopic, readily available and seemingly negligible. Almost! But just a trace amount is enough for the usually unflappable Madame Borgia to stumble helplessly into mindless hysterics.

And that's monosodium glutamate. Otherwise known as the humble MSG, so very much beloved by thriving Asian restaurants around the globe. Though obviously not on such convivial terms with Madame Borgia, apparently quite the unyielding nemesis since the redoubtable lady shrieks stridently whenever even a hint of MSG makes an appearance. Increasing ... *ahem* maturity has turned our Madame into quite the health-conscious ascetic with a zealous appetite for only the blandest of fine foods plucked from organic farms raised with warm sunshine and tender loving care.

Don't even get me going on Madame Borgia's long-standing though ultimately futile battle with fatty cholesterol-laden pork. Haven't tried it but always wondered whether she'd melt into a screaming puddle if I tossed some MSG at her.

Seriously, when did sandwiches and salads become so damned popular? 

A freakish health-nut obsession that seems to have spread its malicious claws into her susceptible son, Charming Calvin. Lack of a visible partner, a love-hate relationship with his much abused automobile and near financial insolvency has turned him into something of a social recluse of late.

Paul : You're at home?
Calvin : Yes. Taking dinner.
Paul : Not going out for dinner?
Calvin : Cooking at home. Or maybe make a sandwich. 
Paul : Just go tapao from outside.
Calvin : Eating food cooked at home is healthier.
Paul : OMG. I can't believe you just said that!
Calvin : Why?
Paul : You're turning into your mother!

Seriously. Someone get him out of that house and away from the horrifying salad-sandwich combo. 

Gotta Have It

Gotta say I've pretty much given up on chasing technology - lamentable techno-himbo status notwithstanding.

Just imagine less than two decades ago, a touch-screen tablet would have been something wondrous right out of Star Trek itself! And these days, we even have handsy toddlers playing with the latest iPads.

Well I'm done with this. Time for a new toy!

Phew! Other than secretly inventing the latest wondrous contrivance yourself - and hiding it, is there any practical way to outrun the rapidly evolving high-tech world? New contraptions and appliances come our way almost every quarter. Barely a week after purchasing what could be termed the latest technological gadget fresh from the store, you can be pretty sure some obscure high-tech factory in China is already busy churning out the bits and bytes of the next awesome generation. These days, the Ver 2.0 or even 3.0 of almost everything seems to pop up on the market almost instantaneously.

Obviously a boon for our increasingly frenzied generation of rabid consumers. Just look at the familiar queues patiently waiting in line outside retail stores for the first crack at the latest tech-gizmo, whether cellphones, tablets or software. Some fanatical enthusiasts even resort to camping outside just to be the first in line.

Felix : OMG the new one is out! I must get it.
Paul : Even though nothing much has changed? 
Felix : It is newer. 
Paul : So what will happen to your old one?
Felix : Nothing.
Paul : You'd chuck it?
Felix : Yeah. Like you should chuck yours. 
Paul : Even though it's still functioning perfectly? 
Felix : Yes, trade it in for something new and better!
Paul : And shinier of course. 
Felix : Of course.
Paul : It's not a necessity.
Felix : But it's so pretty!


Toys for the big boys and all that.... they just gotta have it. And Felix isn't the only one. If Charming Calvin didn't have his avaricious hands tied with financial constraint, no doubt he'd be out purchasing the latest models as well.

But seriously, what a waste of money and resources. Dumping the old geezer into some dusty forgotten corner the moment the new edition arrives at the doorstep? Exactly what happens to all the abandoned gizmos and gadgets?

Chocolate Love

Oddly enough the first thing people asked me to try in Korea is chocolate.

Forget about kimchi, bulgogi and rice cakes. Supposedly Pepero chocolate-coated cookie sticks are the must-buy items over there.



Obviously once you've seen the scrumptious food porn video above, you'd disagree. After all even the caddish scamp in the drama Fermentation Family couldn't remain impervious to the irresistible charm of mouthwatering kimchi laid out like an artful masterpiece in front of him. 
Though I do crave a bit of healthy kimchi every once in a while, that's nothing compared to my rapacious lust for bulgogi and sam-gyeopsal. Basically greasy meat grilled on a dome griddles on braziers. Shockingly heaty especially with the amount of soju and makgeolli I downed. 
BTW makgeolli is a locally brewed milky rice wine that goes down surprisingly easy. Which is why I had at least a bottle a day :)

What should I have for lunch next? 

To avoid having my yin-yang spinning dangerously out of whack with the amount of heaty food I was happily ingesting, I interspersed my carnivorous delights with the occasional nourishing porridge break. Yes, we had our slow-food juk almost every morning as we walked down the street from the guesthouse, since there was a store selling just that on the way to the train station. Unlike the porridge we're all used to, the Koreans toss in pine nuts, octopus, pumpkin and kimchi into the mix. Just to name a few.


Though curiously they don't have century eggs. Surely it couldn't be that exotic to the diet-adventurous Koreans. 

Bring The Boys

So what can I say about the boys in Korea? Are they all shockingly immaculate, perfectly coiffed Asian Ken dolls as they are all reputed to be?

Well perhaps not all. Still a couple of sloppy ahjusshis here and there - or rolling about pissed drunk - on the streets who threaten to destroy the flawless reputation the flower boys are trying to build. But overall the boys do tend to be overwhelmingly tall, enviably slim and generally attractive.

Seriously I didn't know whether to turn green with demonic jealousy or pink with blushing attraction. Maybe a bit of both. Certainly added to my insane idea that unattractive, obese South Koreans are forcibly marched at gunpoint across the hostile border to famine-stricken North Korea for a rapid weight-loss program.

Or maybe we get distracted by their beautifully tailored clothes that fit near flawlessly. Perhaps not all of them would pass for a hunky supermodel but most take a bit of care when it comes to their appearance and clothes. Certainly no need to remind these metrosexual boys to dress up! Definitely no comfort before fashion for these dressy fellows.

Though I do draw the line at man-liner.

If only they would stand in line for me to pick

Take a look around, it's really almost impossible to find a slovenly b-boy with his disheveled jeans hanging down between his knees.

Paul : You should invest in a nice suit.
Calvin : Much too hot. I'd probably melt into a puddle and die. 
Paul : You work in a fully air-conditioned office. 
Calvin : It's still hot. 
Paul : Maybe a vest or a cardigan. 
Calvin : Still too hot. 
Paul : Or at least a nice shirt!
Calvin : Also hot. And the sleeves are too long for me. 
Paul : If you had your own choice, you'd probably work in singlet and shorts, wouldn't you?
Calvin : Yes.

Well at least I tried!